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Wedding Gift Spat Goes Public

Kathy and her boyfriend went to a wedding in Hamilton, Ontario. Not knowing the wedding couple that well, they presented a basket of food items as a gift. After the wedding, the bride texted Kathy to ask for a receipt because one of the couple was gluten-intolerant. Then it got weird.

“I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.

“I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”

Kathy was shocked but then made the mistake of engaging in an email exchange about the incident.  

Gift-givers: “… to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of.”

Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”

Gift-givers: “It’s obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn’t care less of what you think about the gift you received, “normal” people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON’T expect me to.”

Newlyweds: “You should have been cut from the list … I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts. I was right.”

Kathy then turned to a local Facebook group to see who was in the wrong. The consensus they received was that the gift was lame, but the bride was unbelievably rude for complaining about it. The bride maintains that she was shafted as Kathy and her boyfriend were one of only two guests that didn't give them at least $150 in cash, as was expected in their culture. Oh, there's more to the story you can read in the Hamilton Spectator. What do you think? I was raised to believe that gifts are never expected, required, or requested, but always appreciated, no matter how small. Link -via Fark

(Imzage credit: Barry Gray/The Hamilton Spectator)


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What the guests should take from this: the married couple would never be the kind of friends you really need, so at least you didn't waste money on them. They're not worth any more of your time either, except for one small thing...

In the bride's own words: "but for your next wedding … people give envelopes". Easy solution: take back the food and give them a pack of envelopes.
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You make a great point. This self-absorbed bride was thinking of the cost to them for plates, but didn't seem to take account at all of the cost to those who attend.
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I see the wedding gift as being more of a symbolic thing than anything. When it comes down to it, few people these days really NEED any of the things they get as wedding gifts. I've picked items off of several registries the last few years and I can assure you that not a single couple I was buying for was in need of any of the things on the list. And the kind of couple that could shell out enough for a wedding reception that would cost 100 dollars a plate most certainly isn't the kind of struggling young newlyweds that still could genuinely use the help of their family and friends to have what they need to set up a proper house together. If they can throw a hundred dollar per guest shindig, they probably shouldn't be soliciting gifts in the first place, of neither the wrapped box variety nor the envelope variety,and even if they thought it was okay to encourage folks to give gifts (really, people are probably going to bring even if you ask them not to, it's just such a tradition that no one wants to show up empty handed no matter how well-off the bride and groom are), they're certainly too well-off to complain that gifts were inadequate.

Especially with a food gift like that, there was no reason for the giver to ever know that the couple wasn't crazy about it. It's a consumable good. They can go on forever thinking you ate the treats and enjoyed them. It's not even like something that's going to be durable and you're going to feel obligated to keep around even if you don't need or like it so that they won't know you don't like. The proper thing to have done would have been to give the food they didn't want to some neighborhood kids and send a thank you note (they wouldn't even necessarily have to mention the gift if they were just so bothered by it, just a "thanks for being a part of our special day" kind of deal would work) and move on with their lives.
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