We could tell from your delicate treatment of human motivation and deep insight into character that you are a wise and gentle soul. We have been dreading having to write to you and inform you that your prose is crap, you wouldn’t know a plot if it jumped on your toe and then headbutted you in the crotch, and you should buy all of the grammar and style books on the market and read them from the first page to the last (if only because that will prevent you from writing for a while).
That must have been painful for you to hear, but we feel so much better now.
If you need me, I'll be under my desk with a bottle of whiskey.
Link -via @BrainPicker | Image: Paramount