The Essanay Film Manufacturing Company was in business from 1907-1925. It was noted for a series of silent Charlie Chaplin films. Pictured above is a manuscript rejection notice, presumably mailed to writers who contacted the company.
In the comments, make suggestions for disqualifiers that you would like to see on a modern version of this document.
Link via Geekosystem
Previously: Mad Magazine Rejection Letter
Pangolin
Today you’d be rejected if the idea had never been done before. It’s apparently too risky to try new things.
Tigerbitten
They need to revive this company–there would be more original movies if there were. Probably better too (shudders at remembrance of Dragonball: Evolution)
Church
Heinlein apparently took that to heart
http://io9.com/5048215/robert-heinleins-bizarre-fan-mail-response-lett er
(Oddly, I did a similar thing in college during summer break.)
Moon
Your manuscript is returned for the reason below:
18. It’s just another hack movie based on a comic book.
Moon
Your manuscript is returned for the reason below:
20. The only director who would do this movie is Michael Bay, and we don’t like him.
Moon
Your manuscript is returned for the reason below:
21. The Harlem Globetrotters in a remake of Lord of the Rings? Seriously???
Moon
Your manuscript is returned for the reason below:
19. While we agree that bacon is delicious, movies require a plot or action.
Frau
Your manuscript is returned for the reason below:
22. Scripts based on cartoons from the 80′s never make good movies.
Exxos
23. Excessive use of “sparkling.”
24. Implausible suggestion that a ginger kid could have two or more friends.
25. Glorifies the use of wind instruments outside their intended use.
Nodelete
23. Written by M. Night Shaylman
24. Also directed by M. Night Shaylaman
25. Written by Michael Bay
26. Film prequel/sequel ruins the expectations that fans have come to love about the original.
A Noun
It’s been done.
It’s a remake.
It’s a really bad sequel of a forgettable original.
Based on the wrong TV show from the 80s.
Live action version of a comic, cartoon or manga. They always suck.
Live action version of a game. They suck worse.
Michael Bay attached.
swissonian
will only be accepted if:
no CGI
no romance or love, because it´s cheap filler
no romantic or good looking vampires
no actors that encourages anyone to write slash/fanfics
JennBailey
18. Action is not a substitute for plot
19. Swapping places is not a substitute for plot
20. Creative dismemberment is not a substitute for plot
RickSch
No connection between the plot and the title, which is based on a forgettable top-40 ballad.
Alexa
I’ve also seen a Disney letter from the ’30s rejecting an artist because she was a woman.
Nowadays Pixar lets their female directors get halfway through their own project before firing them.
Matt
I’m pretty sure that these are the requirements for making a movie these days…
Anestis
27. Remake of a Japanese movie and not as good as the original
28. Remake of an existing Hollywood movie that should be left alone as it’s a classic
29. A shot for shot remake of Psycho will fail
30. A series of movies with related themes/characters should be limited to three (adaptations of a book series exempted)
31. Book adaptations will remain faithful to the original material (Blade Runner exempted)
Robert
Any movie that uses 3D to boost marketability and theater prices but isn’t actually improved by 3D views should be rejected right away.
Filmteknik
1333 Argyle St. in Chicago still exists. There is a plaque at the door.
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