Psst, parents: are you sick and tired of your whiny baby? Want to raise a tough kid that will take on real life and beat it so bad that it screams uncle? Here's the Neatorama guide on how to toughen up your child:
First of all, you've got to start right. Remember, whatever doesn't kill your offspring makes him or her tougher.
Melissa Williamson, 35, of Roanoke, Virginia, got the right idea - and from the looks of it, the noise is the last thing the baby has to fear: Link
Forget a cozy and cute playpen - be sure to awaken your baby's animal instinct by raising him in a cage. Better yet, an electrified one, like this piece titled Mama Tried by Jack Daws.
Next, surround your baby with weapons of all kinds. Like these stainless steel baby crib and stroller worthy of a lil' Klingon, created by Chinese artist Shi Jinsong - via Invizible Red.
Next, your kid needs street cred, and nothing spells bad ass like knuckle tattoos:
This one is done by Italian photography company LSD s.l.r (Previously on Neatorama), but you can get your own Baby Tattoos over at Amazon.
Daily ablutions is a necessity, even for tough kids. But don't coddle them with that no-tears shampoo. After decades of coddling young kids, even Johnson & Johnson got the message with their new shampoo: Nothing But Tears! (Previously on Neatorama)
All parents with tough kids know that pets are a must. But dogs and cats are for sissy kids. Tough kids play with ... cobra!
And all that is for naught if you don't keep a meticulous record ... but who needs a cutesy memory book if you can have this one: Baby's First Tattoo: A Memory Book for Modern Parents by Jim Mullen, who described his book as such:
For years parents have been buying baby books to document all the precious moments in their new baby's life -- Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Step. What have been ignored for too long are those "alternative" precious moments that really should be written down, celebrated, and remembered -- Baby's First Projectile Vomit, Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's 10,000th Dirty Diaper. Otherwise you might forget them and think of becoming parents once again.
How about you? Got any suggestions on how to raise a tough kid? Let's see 'em in the comments ... or my kid will go to your house and beat you up!