Psst, parents: are you sick and tired of your whiny baby? Want to raise a tough kid that will take on real life and beat it so bad that it screams uncle? Here's the Neatorama guide on how to toughen up your child:
First of all, you've got to start right. Remember, whatever doesn't kill your offspring makes him or her tougher.
Melissa Williamson, 35, of Roanoke, Virginia, got the right idea - and from the looks of it, the noise is the last thing the baby has to fear: Link
Forget a cozy and cute playpen - be sure to awaken your baby's animal instinct by raising him in a cage. Better yet, an electrified one, like this piece titled Mama Tried by Jack Daws.
Next, your kid needs street cred, and nothing spells bad ass like knuckle tattoos:
Daily ablutions is a necessity, even for tough kids. But don't coddle them with that no-tears shampoo. After decades of coddling young kids, even Johnson & Johnson got the message with their new shampoo: Nothing But Tears! (Previously on Neatorama)
All parents with tough kids know that pets are a must. But dogs and cats are for sissy kids. Tough kids play with ... cobra!
And all that is for naught if you don't keep a meticulous record ... but who needs a cutesy memory book if you can have this one: Baby's First Tattoo: A Memory Book for Modern Parents by Jim Mullen, who described his book as such:
For years parents have been buying baby books to document all the precious moments in their new baby's life -- Baby's First Tooth, Baby's First Haircut, Baby's First Step. What have been ignored for too long are those "alternative" precious moments that really should be written down, celebrated, and remembered -- Baby's First Projectile Vomit, Baby's First Tantrum in a Crowded Grocery Store, Baby's 10,000th Dirty Diaper. Otherwise you might forget them and think of becoming parents once again.
How about you? Got any suggestions on how to raise a tough kid? Let's see 'em in the comments ... or my kid will go to your house and beat you up!