New Baby Shampoo: Nothing But Tears

Posted by Alex in Baby & Kids, Pictures on August 18, 2008 at 1:25 am


After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson decided to go the other way and toughen ‘em up with this new shampoo: Nothing But Tears!

A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby’s skin as "having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self."

"We at Johnson & Johnson have been making bath time a safe and soothing experience for far too long," company CEO William C. Weldon said. "Years of pampering have left our newborns helpless, feeble, and ill-equipped for the arduous road ahead."

"It’s time our children got the wake-up call that’s been coming to them," Weldon continued. "It’s time they cried their precious little eyes out."

Just kidding - that’s from the satirical (read: fake) news website The Onion. Boy, when they’re funny, they can be really funny: Link - via Locust & Honey




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COMMENT

5 comments to "New Baby Shampoo: Nothing But Tears"

  1. Ratz
    August 18th, 2008 at 3:07 am

    I thought it was a reference to the fact that Johnson & Johnson test their beauty products on animals. Whilst I’d say it’s necessary for medical research, dripping shampoo into rabbit’s eyes to see if they go blind just isn’t cool.

  2. Neatoramawontsendmeapassword
    August 18th, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Johnson’s Baby Shampoo isn’t all that non-toxic, anyway. Ever looked at the ingredients? It’s just a list of chemicals. They could probably use this ad and it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch.

  3. Craig
    August 18th, 2008 at 3:48 pm

    Yeah they should start testing it on Ratz!

  4. Neslock
    August 18th, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Reminds me of an Onion story from years ago about how a scientific study found that “Babies Are Stupid”.

  5. Scooter
    August 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm

    I got news for you, Everything is made out of chemicals, even water. So the news that baby shampoo isn’t non-toxic isn’t a great big shock.


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