How to Win a Fist Fight

Posted by Alex in Sports on January 9, 2008 at 6:50 pm


We’ve featured a number of how-to’s on Neatorama, but never this (until now anyhow): how to win a fist fight by Joe Peacock of Mentally Incontinent.

Well, yes – the best way to win a fist fight is not to get into one, but what if the situation is unavoidable? What if the fist fight comes to you and you can’t run? If you’re a geek like me*, this may come in handy:

Whatever you do, do NOT fill that space with your thumb. Your thumb MUST be outside your fingers, sitting at a 90 degree angle to your index finger and bent at the second knuckle. Don’t let it stray off to the side; don’t do that little “thumb out” fist-pump swagger thing you saw DMX do in that one Jet Li movie…

The same goes with your pinky. Some flashy morons try to show how cool they are by sticking their pinkies out in the air while waving their fists at you, like it’s wine-tasting time. Don’t be that guy. Keep your fist tight – all four fingers folded and your thumb out of the way, or they’ll be sticking WAY out… In a fiberglass cast for six to eight weeks.

Now that you’ve made a fist, it’s time to fling it at someone. First, a word of caution (or, if you prefer, a note on technique): It is IMPERATIVE that you keep the back of your hand completely in line with your forearm at all times. Never, ever flex your wrist in any direction when delivering a punch, or you’ll break it.

* My fightin’ days are long gone: when I was a young ‘un, I could handle myself fine (brown belt in karate, dudes!), but now that I’m older, wiser, and fatter, I rely on screaming like a woman and hitting 911 on speed dial.

Link – Thanks Joe!


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COMMENT

11 comments to "How to Win a Fist Fight"

  1. blimp66
    January 9th, 2008 at 7:27 pm

    Great advice, but I think I'll stick with running away....

  2. Jerse
    January 9th, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    Another word of advice...

    Always aim for the nose. If you hit it hard enough:

    1.) It hurts like hell
    2.) The guy won't be able to see anything
    3.) After the fight is over, he will have two black eyes

  3. VonSkippy
    January 9th, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    How? Easy - bring a gun.

    If you have to fight without weapons, a punch to the throat or back of the neck usually means a quick win (so remember to keep your chin down).

  4. mobius8
    January 9th, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    I think it's just natural selection, I mean Jesus, if you stick your pinky out when making a fist you probably aren't fit to live.

  5. donna
    January 9th, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    knee, crotch. Easy, fast, fun.

  6. Chad
    January 9th, 2008 at 11:16 pm

    also don't wrap your fingers around your thumb. some kid broke his thumb on my forehead once doin that. (looooong time ago)

  7. Alex
    January 10th, 2008 at 3:28 am

    It's very hard to hit someone in the nose, unless you're very quick or they failed to put up a guard.

    To win, I recommend fighting dirty: don't let your opponent prepare his stance. Once you've committed to fighting, hit early and hit hard, preferably before your opponent can even put up a fighting stance.

    If your opponent has long hair, grab it. Game over for him.

  8. Woman ~with a mean punch~
    January 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am

    Screaming like a woman? Don't Lie, you scream like a fat old man, and that's cool with me.

  9. lenny
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:29 am

    First of all if you are fighting a fat kid that is taller than you punch him in the gut, so he bends over then knee him in his face. after that blow he would be knocked off guard then throw him to the ground and start punching his nose into his face then go for thier eyes and mouth

  10. jared
    March 2nd, 2008 at 1:36 am

    i totally agree with lenny because i seen my friend do that before. but if you want to actually want people to stay away from you i would stsrt out by uper cutting the other kid in the nose. that would knock them to the groun and stomp them in the face and stomach. remember the bigger they are the more harder they will fall

  11. Marshall
    September 17th, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Jared if thats how you fight just be careful because theres a technique of punching a guy just in the right a shoving his nasal bone or nose bone what ever into the guys brain and killing him so be careful with that


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