Tortoises use their tough skin and even tougher shells as tools for survival, and their hard exteriors tend to make people assume the tortoise inside the shell isn't a warm and tender creature.

But as reptile biologist Matt Evans of the Smithsonian National Zoo Reptile Discovery Center demonstrates in this video tortoises genuinely enjoy physical contact, and they'll even try to return the favor in their own clumsy way:

Tortoises enjoy tactile sensations; rubbing, scratching, that kind of thing. So when we go in there with them and we’re engaging with them – we’ll kind of rub their shell, scratch their head a bit and when we do that, they extend that neck out and they’ll look like they’re enjoying it a little bit and that’s just something we do to interact with the tortoises on a daily basis.

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And in case you also happen to be wondering what a tortoise's diet consists of here's another video made by Matt Evans that explains what goes in to a tortoise salad.

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-Via Laughing Squid

Everybody loves having a steaming hot mug of cocoa during those cold winter months, but over the years the convenience of always having instant hot cocoa mix on hand has taken a lot of the flavor out of our mug.

These instant mixes also include lots of unnecessary additives and preservatives that further muddy the flavor, so Alton Brown decided to take hot cocoa mix back to basics with this recipe:

Instructions

-Via Alton Brown

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Reebok's Spartan Race is one of the most challenging physical competitions in the world, and many people enter just to see if they can actually make it through the whole course without breaking down.

These competitors then post the pics online hoping to hear encouraging words from their friends and family, and to encourage others to push themselves- Spartan style.

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But the guy in the photos above should have known better than to post his Spartan Race pics on Facebook because his friends work in the visual fx industry- so they spirited him away from the Spartan Race and into a Photoshop Battle.

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Soon the poor guy was wading through much worse than mud, fighting for survival in strange new places far more dangerous than a mere obstacle course.

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But in the end he finished the race as a real hero with some cool new CGI tricks up his sleeve.

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See This Poor Guy's Friends Turned His Spartan Race Photos Into A Brutal Photoshop Battle here

Hollywood said Liam Neeson was too much of a tough guy to play Santa Claus, because he lacks the jolliness, beard and belly needed to properly play the role.

But Stephen Colbert felt Liam's knack for making lists made him the perfect guy to play Saint Nick, so he asked him to do a bit for The Late Show and channel his inner mall Santa.

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-Via Uproxx

Superheroes don't just serve the community by cracking down on crime and taking out the supervillain trash- they also try to do a bit of community outreach whenever possible.

They help the less fortunate, escort kitties down from trees, bring lost kids and puppies home and provide the muscle for urban renewal programs.

But, as this comic by Mike Maihack shows, Batgirl and Supergirl like to do a different kind of community outreach around Christmas- by going out caroling! 

-Via Geeks Are Sexy

Having your smartphone stolen can make you feel paranoid, angry and sad about losing the irreplaceable files on the phone, but Dutch filmmaker Anthony van der Meer used the theft as a learning experience.

Because, unbeknownst to the thief, Anthony had installed spyware on his phone so he could monitor the phone and follow the thief wherever they went, thereby inadvertently helping him create his short film "Find my Phone".

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Anthony decided to set the trap and make the film after his first phone was stolen, which led him to investigate smartphone theft and make a startling discovery:

In the Netherlands, 300 police reports a week are filed for smartphone-theft. Besides losing your expensive device, a stranger has access to all of your photos, videos, e-mails, messages and contacts. Yet, what kind of person steals a phone? And where do stolen phones eventually end up? The short documentary ‘Find My Phone’ follows a stolen phone’s second life by means of using spyware.

-Via Laughing Squid

Revolving doors are generally only found on the front of hotels and big buildings these days, so I'd always assumed they were there to help people with luggage or briefcases easily enter the building.

But they were created to be so much more than just a convenient way to enter a building- they're a clever way to regulate a building's air pressure and temperature, and thereby cut down on energy costs:

When revolving doors replace swing doors, they can save up to 30 percent in energy costs, or as Rockefeller University explains, “267 BTUs of heat energy, roughly equivalent to 1.3 hours of light from an incandescent lamp, 4.3 hours of light from a compact fluorescent bulb or .06 miles of fuel for an automobile.”

Creator of the revolving door Theophilus Van Kannel also saw them as a clever way to sidestep the issue of men opening doors for women, a social convention he greatly disliked.

Read What's The Point Of Revolving Doors? at mental_floss

Some people have a really hard time following step-by-step directions that are perfectly illustrated with photos, so these instructionally challenged people find IKEA furniture builds to be virtually impossible.

To be fair, even folks who aren't that bad at putting stuff together find the minimalistic instructions included with IKEA furniture hard to follow, and the little man taunting them on every page isn't helping.

So imagine what a total mind-melting freakout of a time you'd have trying to build IKEA furniture while on LSD? (NSFW due to language)

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This is part one of a new series called HIKEA, which looks like it's going to be a box full of laughs provided the participants don't lose their minds. 

-Via Thump

The shoppers are out there scrambling around to get their shopping done in time to give out the gifts and lick their coupon paper cuts until next year, and they are full of stupid questions.

It's not their fault, they've been told since they were kids that "there are no dumb questions, just dumb answers", but that theory is easily disproven by a question that serves to redefine the meaning of stupidity.

There are stupid questions, and asking a stupid question does make a person look like a bit of a twit, but this man's question about how a bathroom works is, well, primordial? What's a better word?

See 20 People Share the Dumbest Questions They've Ever Gotten On The Job here (barely NSFW language)

When it comes to creating formulaic TV shows predictability is the name of the game, so even the slowest viewer can feel excited about knowing what's about to happen to the characters in the next scene.

And even though shows like The Walking Dead have begun playing with that predictability by adding gruesome plot twists nobody saw coming the majority of the show remains as easy to foretell as the fate of a B-list character bit by a walker.

So how can viewers who are bored by formulaic shows make the viewing experience a bit more tolerable? By printing out these Bingo Cards created by Cracked and playing along as they watch the easily foreseen events unfold!

And don't worry- there are plenty of really good yet formulaic TV show sheets included too!

See 21 Bingo Cards For Watching Formulaic TV Shows here (NSFW language)

The villains of the Star Wars universe have had it rough these last few years, since new movies like Episode VII: The Force Awakens and Rogue One keep making them look like helmet clad monsters.

But according to a new Empire News report villains like Darth Vader, Greedo and the Imperial Stormtroopers aren't so bad when they're cooling their heels between intergalactic conflicts.

In fact, they're reported to be just like any other citizen of the galaxy, and they enjoy spending time with loved ones, giving gifts and sharing a hot tub with their fellow Stormtrooper so they can forget all that pew pew pewing.

Photographer David Gilliver has given us a rare glimpse into the secret lives of Star Wars villains, revealing Kylo Ren's most closely guarded secret- he's a huge Kylie Minogue fan!

Bet you didn't see that one coming!

See The Secret Lives Of Star Wars Villains here

Nothing makes geeky spirits bright quite like a Doctor Who Christmas special, and this year we've got a real doozy to look forward to since Twelfth Doctor Peter Capaldi will be joined by Little Britain's Matt Lucas for a super-powered episode.

But until that magical day arrives we can count down from 12 to 1 with this awesome 12 Days of Doctor Who comic strip by Julia Lepetit, which is animated by the power of pointer hover technology.

Simply visit Dorkly to see the strip, hover over each panel to watch it magically transform, and you'll be forced to feel the spirit of the season coursing through your veins!

(Discontinue use immediately if fingers go numb, do not stare at screen too long or your eyeballs may become dislodged from your head)

See The 12 Days Of Doctor Who here

The Onion was doing fake news just for kicks back before it was cool, and their irreverent brand of satirical reporting is so sensational people often share their stories on Facebook as if they're true.

Now it may seem like more fake news is the last thing we need right now, but think about it this way- if fire is best fought with fire then fake news should be fought with even faker news.

And nobody fakes harder than The Onion.

They broke some amazing news stories in 2016, blowing the lid off Mike Pence's battle against climate change, John Kerry's incredibly exciting briefcase adventures, and the Joe Biden scandal that rocked the DNC parking lot.

See The Onion's Best Photojournalism Of 2016 here

Knowing a celebrity impersonator is way better than knowing an actual celebrity, because they're like ten or more celebrities in one and yet paparazzi don't hound them while they're trying to eat.

Renowned Imitator of famous voices Jim Meskimen wants to be a pal by making our spirits bright this holiday season with a rendition of "The Night Before Christmas" as told by 27 different celebrities.

It's star-studded silliness, and it sure made me feel merry!

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-Via Lauging Squid

It isn't hard to keep it classy when you're out in public, you just have to stay cool, keep your ego in check and refrain from disgusting or offending people with your morbidly obese pomposity online with your word choices.

But those who have a hard time checking their ego at the door think people are just dying to hear how they feel about politics, how much they spend on stuff, and which Ivy League college they attended.

This name drop is naturally worked into every conversation, because how can people truly understand how classy you are without knowing you're a graduate of Yale?

This class-A comic by Scott DeWitt makes it easy to understand the difference between classy and pretentious, but if you're already a pretentious prig then you'll find it hard to tell which panel is which!

See The Fine Line Between Classy And Pretentious here