Since 1982, the English Department of San Jose State University has invited people to write terrible opening lines for novels, most of which are presumably never written. The contest is named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, who infamously began his 1830 novel Paul Clifford with the trite line "It was a dark and stormy night". This year's winner, composed by Sue Frodie, was this delightful sentence:

Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.

You can see the runners up and winners in genre categories at the link. My favorite is from Andrea Rossi, who was the runner up for the category of historical fiction:

The executioner sneered as the young queen ascended the stairs to the guillotine; in the old days, he thought, at least there was some buildup, a little time on the rack or some disemboweling, but nowadays everyone wants instant gratification.

That's so true. I blame video games for this tendency. http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2011.htm -via The Hairpin | Photo by Flickr user markhillary used under Creative Commons license Previously: the 2010, 2009, 2008, and 2007 winners

The Kiss is the most famous work of Austrian Symbolist painter Gustav Klimt. Rich Pellegrino was inspired by it and other works of Klimt to depict Link and Zelda in this moving piece entitled Zelda's Slumber; Dreaming of The Kiss. At the link, you can see it and concept sketches that show Pellegrino working out the concept. Link -via Kotaku | Image used with permission

Korean artist Yong Ho Ji takes old tires and turns them into awesome sculptures of sharks, horses, monsters, and men. Much of his work is a warning about the dangers of genetic manipulation:

Ho’s concept of mutants grew out of his life in Seoul, where there is fierce political debate over genetic engineering. In school, Yong Ho read Darwin and was galvanized by how his theory of evolution applied to man’s manipulation with nature. Already, he says, cats and dogs are bred to emphasize their domesticated traits and downplay their wild sides. The sculptures can be taken as warnings; if we’re not careful, we may soon lose the ability to see animals in their natural state altogether.

Link | Interview

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Storms recently hammered Sydney, Australia, dropping a month of rain in a single day. They were so severe that this waterfall south of the city appeared to be flowing upwards. If you watch carefully, you can see wind sweeping water over the upper edge. Link (warning: auto-sound) -via Technabob

If you've ever wanted to have a conversation with your paper towel roll, then artist Brooks Bischof has the perfect product for you. His laser cut roll proclaims "You used me once and threw me away." http://www.privatecotton.com/art/0026-what-a-waste -via NotCot

Designer Yogi Proctor coated a Canon copier in gold. It is, sadly, no longer functional. So it may not be a good buy if you're in the market for a new copier.

When asked to explain why he made it, Proctor cryptically responded:

Well, I happened to re-hear the famous JFK speech on the radio that was actually written by Ted Sorensen, who himself modified it from a Khalil Gibran speech. It goes "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

I knew exactly what I could do. I could make a golden photocopier that doesn't make any copies. Art is great like that. You make it to share with people.

Link -via Born Rich | Photo: Yogi Proctor

With the right selections, you could almost tell a story with these eyelashes available at Nonesuchthings. They're inspired by Chinese papercrafts and carry symbols from its traditions:

The designs come steeped in Chinese symbolic meaning with "Deer and Butterfly" meaning "free, sensitive and delicate".

http://www.nonesuchthings.com/ -via Swiss Miss | Photo: Christina Wilson

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Lara, a classically-trained musician in Sydney, has been earning major Internet points in the past few weeks for applying her skills to the sounds of pop culture, including the theme to The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. In this recent video, she plays variations of Rebecca Black's "Friday" and the theme to Nyan Cat together. The two pieces work surprisingly well together. -via Geekosystem

Darick Maasen made this taxidermed version of a Koopa Paratroopa from the Super Mario Bros. franchise. It's the perfect display item for a man cave -- far superior to a mere mounted deer head. http://www.darickmaasen.com/portfolio/artwork/ -via Uniblog

Max Alexander knitted this adorable octopus, hoping that the little fella will be as good a knitter as himself:

I seem to have a bit of a thing for knitting octopuses at the minute. (2 here and 1 here!) I’m not sure why because I always get bored of the tentacles after I’ve done two or three. So I decided to make one that’s good at knitting in the hope that it’ll do some for me. This one is already much better at colourwork than I am!

Link -via Craft

Here's a clever test developed by Dr. Aude Oliva, a cognitive scientist at MIT. If you see Marilyn Monroe instead of Albert Einstein, you're a bit nearsighted. I don't see any indication that this what Oliva was trying to do, but it does serve that purpose nicely. Link -via Ace of Spades HQ

We can preserve and experience historical sights and sounds. But how do we know what, for example, Eighteenth Century Manhattan smelled like? Thanks to technologies developed by the perfume industry, there are now ways to preserve smells so that future generations can experience them:

A pioneer of this approach is Roman Kaiser, a Swiss fragrance chemist who developed a technology called “headspace” in the 1970s that made it possible to capture and analyze the scent given off by flowers and other objects. Using a glass container, a pump, and a sampling trap that gathers molecules using a solvent or coated surface, the system allows a chemist or perfumer to gather the volatile scent molecules exuded by an object without harming it.[...]

Perfumers like New York-based Christopher Brosius have used headspace to re-create less obvious smells, like the odor of an old fur coat or a well-worn paperback. Their goal is an artistic one, but the same approach could serve as the beginning of a database. Imagine having a library of scents specific to a particular time or place, from the strangely sweet aroma of a plastic-wrapped CD case to the blend of horse dung and candy that permeates Boston’s Faneuil Hall.

Other historians are attempting to recreate scents from the past, from a cologne used by Napoleon Bonaparte to a Viking-era latrine. What historical smell would you like to experience?

Link -via Althouse | Photo by Flickr user Dennis Wong used under Creative Commons license

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This adorable short film from Tiji entitled Colour shows a world in black and white. Then a divine paintbrush descends from the heavens to give all of the creatures of the world their colors. All, that is, except the panda. -via Doobybrain

Heidi Kenney made a pair of plushes in the above design, and the blogger behind Clockwork Lemon decided that it would be a good cake design, too. The cake has a buttercream crumbcoat with marshmallow fondant on top. Yummy! Link -via Super Punch

Sure, you could decorate the exterior of a cubical cake so that it looks like a Rubik's Cube from the outside, but Vicky McDonald went beyond that goal for her cake in honor of Erno Rubik's birthday. As you slice her cake, it continues to look like a Rubik's Cube, with varying interior colors. She provides instructions on how to make one at the link.

After posting this marvelous creation, she received an email from Rubik himself:

Thanks for the nice birthday surprise which sweetens the bitterness of passing time.

Link -via The Mary Sue

Previously: Rubik's Cube Cake