Includes a diagram showing exactly where to smack the cockpit console when the electrical system fails, and a guide to installing replacement parts titled, "THIS one goes THERE, THAT one goes THERE!"

I think her heart may be in the right place, in that she wants a better life for her son than she or his father had, but there may be better ways to go about it. Making her son stay in and study or work on homework might be as much of a punishment, if the son wants to go out with his friends, but it would also be productive. Besides, if he doesn't turn things around, he'll get more than enough embarassment when he finds out what jobs are open to someone without a high school education.

I have just written a long comment in response to this post.

On reading it over, I have decided to delete it.

Hoping this will meet with your approval,

I am
Sir
Your obedient Servant
Deck of the Yard

@c0ldfish-

I agree. I mean, did you even count the syllables in your haiku? Way off.

I still remember the quote one of my high school literature teachers had on the door to her classroom, from George Bernard Shaw:
"Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire."

Not sure how to reconcile the "lifetime aversion to seafood" with the "lifelong love of clam chowder".

I can't get over #9. If your husband sits around listening to cattle reports, you probably picked a dud, sweetie.

I kinda want the recipes for those cupcakes, but I probably shouldn't go looking for the Al Qaeda newsletter if I want them, unless I also want to wind up on some kind of watch list.

Small detail I love- Calvin's daughter's stuffed bunny used to belong to Susie Derkins, the girl Calvin used to antagonize. Which I assume means that the two of them got married.

You're gonna need a bigger- wait, actually that boat looks plenty big enough.

I'll just show myself out.

I was going to suggest staying at the hotel they used for the Great Northern Hotel on Twin Peaks, if you go out to Washington state, but apparently only stood in for exterior shots.

I'm going to continue calling my cat whatever I please, so long as he continues behaving as if he can't understand what I'm saying.

Park official Mr. Gabriel told vactaioners that while they could no longer have a bumper car bumping, they could still have a big dipper going up and down all around the bend. While some were concerned that this development would take the fun out of the bumper cars, he replied, "This amusement never ends."

Actually reminds me a lot of the "Grunge Speak" hoax from the 90's:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grunge_speak
Not that it will stop me from trying to slip a few of these into conversation for a laugh.

He should also be aware that it will take a lot of sap to make syrup- for maple syrup, I think you wind up with about 1/40 of the original volume. So his half liter of sap would produce about a tablespoon of finished syrup.

I think I could do pretty well until the bottom row- didn't watch the last couple seasons of Enterprise. Pretty nice (and thorough!) work.