Cast iron snow shoe for a wearer of high heels.

(Slave To My Cat, black, 2XL)

I used to get spam for this thing all the time back in the early days of e-mail. It's a device for lengthening the male member.

Slave To My Cat, 2XL

Just one more reason I will never have kids.

"Pieces"

Is anyone proofreading your headlines these days?

Just look at this banana Wolverine costume. Just look at it.

(Sorry, thought I was on Boing Boing for a moment.)

Missing from this list: Alan Ruck, who played Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He turned 30 about three weeks after the film was released.

1. Maturity Is Overrated 2XL / Navy

2. Battleship USB Hub

Oh, and for the digital jukebox thing (it won't win, but just in case): Your Cell Phone Makes You Twice As Annoying, 2XL, navy.

Inside of a Redbox ... dang, someone beat me to it.

OK, so I'll attempt the "funny" route:

It's the inside of an early "digital" jukebox powered by 3.5" floppy disks. Each disk contains one song.

It's from a line of dance instruction devices. Attach it to your feet and it teaches you the Mashed Potato. (The Charleston device includes a series of pulleys.)

(How May I Ignore You Today? / 2XL / Navy)

Hey Vonskippy, do you work 24 hours a day? You do realize that the astronauts actually live on the space station and don't get to go back to earth at the end of each day, right?

I fear for Elton's privates. Yee-ouch.

Also: someone needs to tell Mr. Zaech that bicycles require pedals.

There are several people whom this bust resembles more than Kevin Bacon: Warren Buffett, Donald Rumsfeld, FDR, Gene Kelly ... and on and on.

I really don't see any resemblance to Kevin Bacon whatsoever.

Something you can do on Elephant Appreciation Day is to send a donation to The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee, a wonderful 2,700-acre sanctuary for retired performing elephants. Elephants should not be forced to perform for humans, and their wandering nature requires vast amounts of open space, not the tiny "habitats" to which they are subjected at most zoos.

The Elephant Sanctuary currently houses fifteen elephants and is always willing to accept more, allowing them to live freely on large expanses of land and determine their own lifestyles. The Sanctuary can always use monetary help to keep their charges well fed and comfortable -- it costs $125,000 per elephant to maintain this facility for a year. Go to elephants.com to learn how you can help!

The photo accompanying this story is preposterous. No self-respecting golfer would ever tee the ball up that high for a short iron shot to a par-three hole, which is what the photo appears to represent.