Seriously though, I think it is a carpentry tool for gauging a cylindrical piece of wood (like columns or table leg) to either duplicate an existing lathe pattern or make sure pieces are identical.

Stanlio & Ollio B&W by AntoFax, Silver, Size 2X

It is a device invented by a parent of two children for ensuring that nobody's piece of anything is bigger than anybody else's.

Stanlio & Ollio B&W by AntoFax, Silver, Size 2X

It's a twerk detector. The probe is used to measure the "gap" and determine if it fits the legal definition of twerking.

Ironing Man 2XL

Bowl for sheep dip

Zombama 2XL, Cardinal Red

Pshaw! My I.Q. is estimated in the 400-450 range. Of course, that is my own estimate.

1. Rogue Touch Red
2. Pink Freud T-Shirt (2XL)
3. Jr. Astronaut - Orange (Baby)

It's a WWII German SquirrelSpikken tactical acorn. Towards the end of the war, with ever decreasing numbers of soldiers, Hitler decided to recruit squirrels, who could move easily behind enemy lines carrying the ersatz acorns, which were spring-loaded and carried miniature poison-tipped spikes. The "Nutsy party" as it came to be known, proved to be ineffective since all they did was bury the weapons for retrieval in the winter.

Skull and Swords T-Shirt 2XL