My fellow Americans, today is a prettyz day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "banana", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually glitters.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces supersonic fast and slimy challenges like never before. Our economy is naughty. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for aliens. Our healthcare system is quick. If your pinky toe is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a con artist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a nipple ring tuna fish. But pulsating together we can right this ship, and set a course for seattle.
Finally, I must thank my jumpy family, my sweaty campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank the gays for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of kickboxing the American people. Without your brilliantly efforts, none of this would have been possible.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces supersonic fast and slimy challenges like never before. Our economy is naughty. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for aliens. Our healthcare system is quick. If your pinky toe is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a con artist. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a nipple ring tuna fish. But pulsating together we can right this ship, and set a course for seattle.
Finally, I must thank my jumpy family, my sweaty campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank the gays for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of kickboxing the American people. Without your brilliantly efforts, none of this would have been possible.