~Illustrated by: John McNamee~ Gyno: Do you have pains after sexual intercourse? Me: Well, they don’t usually call me afterwards, so that kinda hurts. - @CandyWarhole...

  ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~ That's weird. I just bought the "Best of Limp Bizkit" CD and it's blank. @CrossCzech17...

~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~ Cashier just pointed at my zit and told me that Proactive really works for her. I told her college worked for me. - @jackmackenroth...

~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~ My  "check liver" light just came on. - @WyLdAnIcA...

~Illustration by: Anna Beck~ I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50. @MrFornicator...

~Illustration by: Kevin Coffee~ What kind of cruel world do we live where a person’s leg has an easier time falling asleep than they do? - @MistookMistake...

 ~Illustration by: Pete Hillstrom~ wow. i had no idea how much gravity was the nine-month-pregnant woman's enemy until i spent an hour floating in a pool. never getting out. - @sarahcuda...

It goes without saying that smoking is bad for you...  ...out, when you smoke can affect just how much of a health impact a cigarette could have on your body. Two n...

The only member of my family with a personal trainer is the dog. - @funnyoneliners...

~Illustration by: Matt Lassen~ Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "MAY CAUSE AWESOME CHOREOGRAPHY!" -@YUCKYBOT...