A man was arrested in Alabama and that led to one of the most insane news stories in recent memory. The opening lines from the USA Today story are written in standard form for police arrests, but you may have to read it twice anyway.
An Alabama man who denied feeding methamphetamine to a so-called "attack squirrel" he considered a pet has been arrested on new charges.
The Limestone County Sheriff's Office tweeted that 35-year-old Mickey Paulk was caught Thursday night following a chase in which he rammed an investigator's vehicle. Authorities had been seeking Paulk on multiple felony warrants unrelated to the squirrel he named "Deeznutz," which was made infamous after police said they were warned about a meth-fueled squirrel that had been trained to attack.
Yes, DeezNuts was taken into custody, too, after a search of Paulk's home in which meth, drug paraphernalia, and body armor was also found. Paulk admitted the squirrel was aggressive, but said it was not trained to attack and was not using methamphetamines. Get more details on the story at NBC. -via Metafilter
(Image credit: Mickey Paulk)
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Rowlf is way too laid back He's not a killer.
Big Bird and Snuffy are way too innocent. Neither of them have a killer in him.
Fozzy, Beaker, Gonzo, and Lew are clearly mentally incapable. In fact, due to their limited mental capacity, they probably would have been included in Hitler's Final Solution and also been eliminated.
Maybe Animal, but he'd be his own Blitzkrieg. Hitler's men would see him coming a mile away. If he got close enough he could do it, but I doubt he'd make it.
Kermit is the only one in this bunch who is level headed enough to approach cautiously and calculatingly. He would have a plan, a disguise and an exit strategy. As boring as it is, Kermit is the man... er... amphibian for the job.
But if I were a betting man, I'd send Bert. That dude's gonna snap any minute. Might as well make it count.
Team Female!!