A human bone dagger (top) and a cassowary bone dagger (bottom). Image: Hood Museum of Art/Dartmouth College, Dominy NJ et al. Royal Society Open Science, 2018.
Forget your puny pocket knives - the people of Papua New Guinea know that if you want your friends and foes to take you seriously, you need a bone dagger.
Bone daggers are often carved with decorative patterns and used for hunting, fighting and for ceremonial purposes, as well as to signify social status - and even though most are made from the thigh bones of cassowary birds, the Sepik tribesmen of Papua New Guinea know that the best are made from human bones. And not just from any humans. "Human bone daggers have to be sourced from a really important person," said study author Nathaniel Dominy to LiveScience, "You can't just take the bone of any ordinary person. It has to be your father or someone who was respected in the community."
Now, science has discovered the technical reason why human bones make for better bone daggers. Dominy wrote in a paper published in Royal Society Open Science:
"We found that human and cassowary bones have similar material properties and that the geometry of human bone daggers results in higher moments of inertia and a greater resistance to bending.
"Data from finite-element models corroborated the superior mechanical performance of human bone daggers, revealing greater resistance to larger loads with fewer failed elements."
All in all, human bone daggers are twice as strong as cassowary daggers.
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Don't forget 'whispering'. omg That's never a good thing.
WITH KIDS
You look into their eyes and remember all those Saturday mornings and all those diapers and how they grew from little wildlings into successful people with kids of their own. They hold your hand and express their gratitude for all the suffering you put yourself through for them and assure you your memory will live on in them and your grandchildren. This brings you fulfillment and the peace of knowing you lived a life worth living and made a difference in at least several lives.
versus
WITHOUT KIDS
You lay alone wishing it would all just end already. All the money you saved by not having kids isn't going to bring you comfort and love in your final hours, but, hey, at least maybe you'll be at peace knowing you're dying with lots of money in the bank and no one to leave it to except your cats.
Ring ring
You: Hello
Your grown kid: Mom! What do I do? These kids won't settle down, and I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks!
You: Ha! Enjoy your payback.