It appears the feline pet population has let the internet fame of their furry cousins go straight to their heads, and now they’re no longer content with being mere housecats- they want to live like humans.
They’re trading in their litterboxes and flea collars for office building bathrooms and over-the-top bling, because these cats have totally forgotten how to cat!
Cats have always been the most rebellious pets in the house
So it was only a matter of time before they decided to revolt against their human owners
The revolution was a long time coming, and cats have been humiliated by humans for centuries
Cats started sowing the seeds of chaos in their households
Tired of humans telling them they can’t sit on the couch cats devised a clever new way to couch
And started plotting in secret, hiding their plans from the prying eyes of nosy humans
Cats started making friends with their enemies, in order to fill their ranks
And proved they were master tacticians by beating their humans at chess, having studied our tactics in secret for centuries
Knowing it was only a matter of time before they'd stop being pet pawns and become feline royalty
Cats were quick to realize that to be truly victorious they'd have to dress for success
Butsome simply couldn't bear the thought of scratching out a living like an average human, so they took a spa day instead
And those cats who'd watched too many cartoons started suffering from identity crises
One crazy kitteh named Karl thought cosplay might make him look tough, but it actually made him look delicious
Cats have a unique sense of style, and humans are mighty surprised by the style of clothing cats choose to wear when they’re free to dress themselves
And yet the true revolutionaries still believe the key to victory is looking as human as possible
Cats who grew tired of waiting for their lazy humans to deliver the tuna dressed for culinary success
Cats are used to being called cute, but when that patronizing adjective wore thin there was nowhere left to go but straight to the top, earning the title "the fairest in the land"
Cats figured out that the fastest way to a human’s heart is through their pocketbook, so some fat cats began invading the world of big business, ready to make a billion bucks
Other cats are trying to earn their fortune the old fashioned way, trading caterwauling in an alley for singing in a band
Or trying to shoot that perfect pic which will launch their photographic career
But the truly industrious kittehs took to the internet to seek out truly powerful secrets they can use against humans
And once cats uncover they scientific mysteries of the universe they’ll be truly unstoppable!
Take note, humans- if you can’t fight against the feline takeover slip on a cat suit and join em!