How Elite Package Delivery Drivers Work

(Artist: unknown)

Remember that Sunday is Ninja Day. When a parcel delivery notification sticker suddenly and inexplicably appears on your door, take a moment to thank the unseen driver for his work, wherever he is. Getting past your sight invisibly isn’t easy, but he puts in the effort.

-via Tastefully Offensive


Comments (6)

Newest 5
Newest 5 Comments

I've actually had a package damaged by a train derailment. First I heard about it on the news, and then I got a letter saying that one of my 10 or so shipments got damaged because of it. UPS paid the insurance pretty quickly to boot.
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The USPS is very sneaky. They will drop the package in front of my door, then disappear. I understand them not wanting to wait around for someone to answer the door, but they could at-least ring the bell before they leave.

Meanwhile, UPS drives me crazy with cryptic tracking messages... Every delay is recorded as a "Train derailment". I had endless problems with the first delivery failing with some "address does not exist" message (no note on door, no UPS truck ever reached my driveway), then getting delivered easily on the second "attempt". Calling UPS is like a playing 20 questions, with the guy on the phone having zero information, but deciding to run-down all the *conceivably possible* reasons the package might not have been delivered, as I knock-down every single one (No, I don't have a gate, no it wasn't snowing, no there isn't a dog, no the tag didn't blow away, etc.), and at the end, him just giving-up and saying he'll "leave a note" telling the delivery driver to *actually* try to deliver my package, next time around... Hrumph. Plus, UPS is the only one of the three that doesn't do Saturday deliveries, so anything needing a signature is lost to anyone working M-F, and keeping the shortest, least convenient office hours around here. Not to mention that the inside of their *dark brown* trucks get to be 200F degrees in the summer, so your package will be *well done* when you get it.

Fedex is okay, but has fewer offices, and divides them up, so my package is *never* at the FedEx office 5 minutes away, it's always at the other one, several cities over, 90 minutes away, that closes 15 minutes after I get off of work...
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Or, in the case of British Gas - just don't turn up and don't apologise.
We stopped using them 14 years ago for doing that. The building I'm refurbishing needed a visit from them and three attempts later they finally turned up.
Confirms my original view - just sad that in 14 years they ain't got any better.
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One of the advantages of living in a small town is that delivery guys will just leave a package by your door. Once I got home from work to find a large square box on my front porch that said "Apple" on the side. It was not orchard produce. You can't do that in a city.
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They are indeed tongs, but more likely to be used for picking up sugar cubes for coffee (saw it in a movie once). It has a hinge so it's definately no tuning fork. (Apparently there is a fault in the comments....when writing this I only see the first three posts before this...)
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Looks like a pair of coal tongs, used for picking up live coals to restack them in the fireplace, add a lump of coal to a fire, or to transfer live coals to something else, such as putting them into a bedwarmer.
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Tweezers.
Had one for years- but since my body stopped growing all those extra's every time I pulled them out, I finally sold mine on ebay a year ago or so.

Is used tweeze off or out all those third and fourth legs and arms and to tweeze out all those over-extra digits and eyes.
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This was from back before they had flush toilets. Mr or Ms Royalty would do their thing in a pot. Then the servant would come in and use these tongs to remove the royal log. It was a bit trickier on the morning following taco night, but the servants got good at it.
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They are a set of ceremonial tongs used by Freemasons. Should you find yourself having dinner at a masonic lodge (or the home of a lodge's primate) and encounter a an overcooked lump of something foul and unchewable in your stew, called a 'grimsby', know that it was placed there deliberately to test you. (If you are not at a Masonic lodge, it may simply be the result of careless cookery.) You must approach your host, hopping on one foot, and perform the secret Masonic handshake. He is obliged to hand over the tongs, and you must then use them to extract the grimsby. Alternately, you may attempt to swallow the grimsby without comment. But your host knows it was in there, and that you didn't follow proper procedure, so don't expect to be invited back!
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It may sound horrible... but I read a story by Stephen King where he described such a device used by 19th century doctors to hold the head of white mice while operating without anestethic...
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One thing that sucks about most of these contests is that often there's no indication of size...add a ruler, or a coin to the photo, FFS!
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Coal tongs for sure. Christ, I remember the coal man delivering coal to our cellar when I was a kid in the 60's. Coal tongs were always brass.
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that looks like a tuning fork... we use those in physics class
we actually played twinkle twinkle little star today with tuning forks for the last day of classes :D
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Well.
The story started with an old man on a mountain. Every Wednesday and Saturday he would walk down to the river to get some more water. On Wednesdays, he would meet a snake, who would continually bother him until he got back in his home. The old man's home also got struck by lightning alot. He had long ago realized this issue, but had no idea what to do. One Saturday, he brought a metal object down to the river, and left it at a tree trunk. The next Wednesday, he picked it up, and went home with it. The snake saw, and asked what it was for, but the old man told him he had three shots to guess what it was, then he would show the snake.
"Tongs?"
"No."
"Dowsing rod?"
"Nope."
"Some sort of probe?"
"Not even close."
"What is it then?!"
The old man then proceeded to bludgeon the snake to death.
The End
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