Creative Writing Prompt: "Oh God Where Is My Gun!"

On second thought, it was probably a bad idea to eat those Guatemalan Insanity Peppers.

'Vacation on Arrakis, they said. Take in the local wildlife, they said. If I survive this planet, I've got to get some new friends!... right after I kill the old ones.'

I'm not trying to eat you! My acupuncturist left these in me. Can you take them out?

My plan to revisit my favorite childhood memory of seeing the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade in person went horribly wrong when I was sent forward in time, instead of back.

Never cheap out on parts for your time machine.

"I've got your gun right here", she said from the dark alley that, in his panic, he'd almost have run past.
"But I wouldn't recommend using it." she lectured as he stopped beside her, wheezing, as the abomination scraped and groaned outside the tiny walkway. "You really wanna have it steamrolling through the streets?
"No," she continued, curiously watching the diamond-toothed thing with a furrowed brow. "I reckon the way to go is more balloons."

"Oh, God! Where is my gun? The little creep is getting away!"

So THIS is what that German chick was singing about in the '80s?

"Oh look a balloon dart park! That'll make the worm float higher."