Battleship Mystery Box

Howdy, Neatoramanauts! Our pals over at Hasbro sent us this nifty Battleship box and you know what this means: let's play The Mystery Box game!

As many people already know the content of the box (a bit of Googling will yield the answer), we will only be awarding prizes to the funniest and most imaginative guesses.

Here are the contest rules:

1. Guess the funniest and wildest thing you can imagine is inside the Battleship Mystery Box - one item guess per comment, please.
2. With each comment, please enter a NeatoShop item you'd fancy (anything in stock, $25 or less). May we suggest the Cthulhu Bottle Opener or things from the Funny T-shirt, Gifts for Geeks and Zombie Shop?
3 . You can enter as many guesses as you'd like, but they have to be in separate comments.
4. Incomplete entries forfeits the prize.

Funniest guesses will win a random assortment of items inside the Mystery Box and NeatoShop items (one per winner). Good luck!


You open the box to find nothing but a big, shiny button. It sits on your desk for hours, but finally you can't take it anymore. You push the button. An alien appears out of nowhere, screaming and spitting in your face. Before you can react, it condenses down into nothing and vanishes back into the button. You decide to put the button on someone else's desk....

Dragon Mini-Squishable
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The box contains a vintage Battleship game, a gift certificate for one move ticket, and a card with an apology for ripping off everything we liked from our childhood.

Dragon Mini-Squishable
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1. Inside the box is what looks like a bird's-eye view of the person opening the box. If you look closely, you can see that the box they're opening has the same thing inside it, and if you get a magnifying glass, you can see the box inside that one. Eventually, you get the TEM out (or rather, you take the box to the facility in which the microscope's housed) and prepare a very thin, stained slice of the box's contents. When you look at the image produced, you will see Rick Astley, and if the box is still open, you will hear very faintly, "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...."

2. Wind-up Dalek
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Look carefully - it's not a box but a flat piece of card, painted to look like a box.
In order to see it as a box, you need to wear special 3D glasses.
these can be found inside the box.

Bike Brightz - Blue please!
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1. A copy of the 1996 movie "Twister," repackaged to look like it's a movie about the sexually-charged board game instead of tornadoes.

2. Stack-A-Doodles
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1. A copy of The Hunger Games...for the one person left on earth that hasn't read it yet.

2. Stack-A-Doodles

P.S. In the event I actually win, the first two entries had the wrong e-mail, my last two have the correct one...blame it on sleep-deprivation.
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Liam Neeson's dignity. The box is repackaged. It's the Pandora's box used in Clash of the Titans to originally capture his dignity. It was lost overboard during the shooting of Wrath of the Titans.

Cthulhu bottle opener.
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1. Inside the box is a toy boat, but the only way to get inside is to say toy boat three times fast. Go ahead and try it...the box will wait.

2. Stack-A-Doodles
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I'm shore I know what is in it, but I need to sea inside to confirm. I bet it's swell and knot disappointing.

Never Grow Up T-Short - Ladies Small Ash Gray
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Actually, we do know what's supposed to be in that box. But what happened is, a stray cat made it's way into the packing plant and jumped into this box. This went unnoticed by the workmen there, who proceeded to close the box on the hapless feline. Poor kitty. Hello kitty! Please let it out!

Figural tardis mug
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A be your own admiral bathtub kit! Which includes a white navy officer hat, bubble bath soap, assorted floating toy naval vessels, and one rubber ducky! “Anchors away!”

Snoopy & Linus - Salt & Pepper Shakers
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Clearly this is the disassembled Stealth ship mentioned on Boing Boing - http://boingboing.net/2012/05/04/stealth-ship-for-sale.html

Spaced Out Baby Snap suit (12 Months)
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1. The box contains the spinner they used to pick which board game they'd make into a movie. And also the spinner to determine which musician they'd cast in Rihanna's eventual role.

2. Oh Snap! Mousetrap Cheeseboard and Slicer
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a contraption that when you put together it becomes a make shift battle ship that actually floats. It also has a large pair of guns to shoot things. The battleship box also contains a makeshift bad guy to fight. The makeshift bad guy is Cthulhu. Yes that is what is in the box, and yes it is awesome, and yes i want that box please!!! :)
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Sadly, the box contains a far from complete copy of Monopoly, missing about half of the Chance and Community Chest cards and still using handwritten deeds for Atlantic Avenue and Marvin Gardens.

Captain America Bobblehead
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1. 2 Hour DVD special of James Cameron dissecting exactly how the battleship was sunk based on the carefully photographed debris field

2 Green Lantern Fleece cozy
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1. It opens into the Battleship game board for one person. There is a video device inside, which is linked to Liam Neeson, who also has a Battleship game board. If you sink his battleship you get to choose his next movie project. If he sinks yours, he gets to choose.

2. Mustache Baking Mold

Thanks!
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