Sometimes it's better to just not open a can of worms, especially if you're not going to believe his answer anyway. This image is from a collection of Relationship Public Service Announcements from College Humor. Link -via Buzzfeed
Murray, Holmes, and Griffin (1996) followed dating partners over the course of a year and found considerable evidence for the looking-glass self. They found that the more the participants' partners idealized the participants, the more the participants came to have positive changes in their self-concept. Thus, when participants saw an idealized version of themselves reflected in their partners' appraisals of them, the participants changed their self-views to be more consistent with the partners' appraisals. When the participants knew that their partners held them in high regard, participants felt even more secure in their own sense of self-worth as these romances developed. According to Murray and colleagues, this increase in feelings of self-worth might then have allowed individuals to see their partners in an even more positive or generous light (because of the role of positive self-regard in fostering illusions). The authors suggested that this reciprocal process of mutual affirmation and reaffirmation could be the keystone for lasting satisfaction and security in romantic relationships.
In this view, casual acquaintances and friends provide the least distorted reflection of oneself. Strangers have the most distortion (due to lack of information), and intimates have a moderately distorted reflection of oneself (due to subjectivity and desire to protect oneself from harsh truths).
- The Handbook of Self and Identity, Chapter 4 Self and Identity as Memory & 5 The Reflected Self: Creating Yourself as (You Think) Others See You
Oh no. Truth is awesome. There is nothing that compares to it. You know as a matter of definitional logic, truth is the only that really is. Everything else is false, so you are living in a fantasy world. And you know that bubble must burst eventually causing you to suffer. Me, I'd much rather have truth. That doesn't mean that it is always going to be "nice" or pleasant. Chances are it won't be which is why so many of us strive to avoid it. But you cannot avoid truth indefinitely, it sneaks up on you. E.g. when you catch your husband banging the waitress.
Thus, when participants saw an idealized version of themselves reflected in their partners' appraisals of them, the participants changed their self-views to be more consistent with the partners' appraisals.
When the participants knew that their partners held them in high regard, participants felt even more secure in their own sense of self-worth as these romances developed. According to Murray and colleagues, this increase in feelings of self-worth might then have allowed individuals to see their partners in an even more positive or generous
light (because of the role of positive self-regard
in fostering illusions). The authors suggested that this reciprocal process of mutual affirmation and reaffirmation could be the keystone for lasting satisfaction and security in romantic relationships.
In this view, casual acquaintances
and friends provide the least distorted reflection
of oneself. Strangers have the most distortion
(due to lack of information), and
intimates have a moderately distorted reflection
of oneself (due to subjectivity and desire
to protect oneself from harsh truths).
- The Handbook of Self and Identity, Chapter 4 Self and Identity as Memory & 5 The Reflected Self: Creating Yourself as (You Think) Others See You