Confession time: back in the '80s, I spent a pretty sizable chunk of time cutting class and playing Super Mario Bros. on that beautiful grey box that was the NES. I also listened to Danzig - until I realized that it was drowning out that hypnotic siren song that is the Super Mario theme.
And I'd say I turned out alright. What's more, it turns out I'm not the only one who was mentored by Mario. Case in point: Julia Leptit's Dorkly piece "Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned From Super Mario," which is not only brilliant but is also not the craziest thing a kid could learn. Or an adult, for that matter.
Now if you'll excuse me, Redneck Bob the inbred comic is hosting a History Channel special on the Kennedy-Triceratops treaty of 1812.