Steam Engine-Powered Record Player

It cannot be true that it's made from "scratch." May be you don't know what made from scratch means.

I can see these machines doing well in dive bars and on college campuses, but still...I frequently make pizza from scratch, and that machine's pizza has got to be a nasty crust.

My guess is these are similar to the kind you get at a convenient store. So, the pizza is not what is new, just the deliver method.

Ignoring the machine, of the other two things on that page - woman and pizza - the only thing I'd want to eat was the woman.

The TV show "How Its Made" did a segment on these vending machines. Showing the inner workings and preparation process.

I don't think you know how to be drunk Detroit Mac.

Rarely is the advertised product in a promo picture so obviously exactly how it looks like in real life, and consequently, so unappealing as here. It seems they didn't even try to make it look edible. Okay, guess they relied on other parts of the picture drawing most of the attention.
Also, Detroit Mac, have you never had the 4 AM drunken pizza/hamburger/kebab? That's the only right way to end a night out.

I've seen vending machines with Kosher hot dogs. Never tried one but I watched someone else buy one. Half the fun is watching the machine cook it and drop the hotdog onto the little shaped paper plate.

Pretty sure the carton pizza box from the filthiest pizza restaurant in the world with some peperonnis and tomato sauce on is better than this stuff.

If you are drunk and all the Pizza Places are closed, you shouldn't be EATING.