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20 Awful Firsts With Your New Baby

Parents experience unbelievable joy at many of their baby's accomplishments -the first smile, the first step, the first words. There are also many not-so-joyful firsts, as you'll see in this list at NeatoBambino.
The first time they spit up on a friend who doesn’t have children. I’m convinced this is why some of my friends are still childless.  Really, I am so sorry.

The first time your newborn son pees in your face. Yes, it really does happen.  I finally got wise and started covering him up with a wash cloth while changing his diaper.

The first time they have massive diaper failure. I call these poo-splosions.  They typically occur when you are in a hurry, you have placed them in your favorite little outfit, or have somehow forgotten a change of clothes.

The First time they put something really gross in their mouth. Babies are like ninjas. They have stealth reflexes. They can grab and lick the bottom of a shoe faster than you can scream “NO!”

Experienced parents will laugh; others may run screaming after reading this list. You are invited to add your experiences in the comments.

I don't have kids of my own but have taken care of lots of babies- can honestly say I don't mind a baby spitting up on me- well, ok- it's not going to be the highlight of the day but it doesn't ruin the day, either.
My nephew's worst massive diaper failure was while my sis and mom were shopping. Sis had just gotten a couple of 'post pg' things to try on in the fitting room and g'ma was holding the baby when- ka-boom! Right up the back of him and out the top of his neck! Of course, there was no really good place right there to clean him up but they really couldn't go anywhere to do it, either. Mom said later they were just glad to get out of the store! (Without the new clothes.)
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I dunno, that doesn't sound particularly fun, but potty training and dealing with a pubescent kid seems worse. Well, I've heard potty training isn't necessarily terrible, but I can't see a way that pubescent kids could be tolerable in any way.
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Very funny list. I had NO idea about the poo-splosion until I saw a photo of it.
I've baby sat my neices and one had bad diarrhea once and it started to leak out a little, but I'm sure that's tame compared to a real explosion of the brown stuff.

I hope I get to experience all of these one day w/ my own eventual children.
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That's rather a "20 more reasons why you should have the vasectomy" list. (as if that list wasn't long enough even without those reasons)
And if anyone spits on me, I'll spit back - no matter what age they are.
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