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Name That Weird Invention!

Let's try something new and fun. You've seen Steven M. Johnson's whimsical and ridiculously weird inventions (whimventions? weirdventions?) in his weekly Museum of Possibilities posts, but something's missing from his strange gadgets: names.

So here's where you come in, Neatoramanauts: can you name the strange object drawn above? Funniest and wittiest name (along with proposed use of such strange object - the weirder the better) win a free copy of Steve's autographed first edition book What The World Needs Now. Two runner-ups win free T-shirts from the NeatoShop.

Contest rules: one entry per comment, though you can enter as many as you'd like. Please make a selection of the T-shirt you want (may we suggest the Science T-shirt, Funny T-shirt, and Artist-designed T-shirt categories?) alongside your entry. If you don't select a shirt, then you forfeit the prize, mmkay?

Good luck and have fun!

Update 9/29/10 - Congratulations to Evan who won the first prize for "Chomper Stompers". Congrats to Runner-up Trevor ("Artery Clogs") and heaterc ("The McStrappy") who got the T-shirt prizes!

I think they should be called High Meals (play on high heels). The food is actually vacuum sealed and 'compression proof' by surrounding a titanium core, which of course is not eaten. Refills are available at Exxon for 99 cents or free with at least $20 worth of gas.
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Chomper Stompers-

For use as a dieting aid. Insert food- walk home. One look at the finished product and any desire to eat is gone.

Neatoramanaut in Xl
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Those shoes were actually a prop in the latest Carl's Jr. commercial staring Lindsay Lohan. (Notice the Green strap to hide her alcohol monitoring bracelet)She goes to a party wearing the shoes
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They are called "I HAS CHEESEBURGER PUMPS" and their purpose is food on go. Who needs a drive thru when you are wearing your meal?

T-Shirt: O RLY, Medium, Serene Green
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"Gee Your Buns Look Delicious!" Pumps

Warm up your calf, your calves, and all 4 of your buns with these ingenious new pumps! Each step you take creates pressure and heat to create 2 perfect burger paninis while the unique walking surface challenges your legs and derriere for a firmer, more sexy body. No one will ever call you a heifer, but they may call you for a burger!

"I (Heart) Musicals" size M
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Instead of carrying a "heart attack in a sack" the discriminating fashinista & foodie who just has to have the latest from New York's Fashion week will want wear these "Heart Attack Stacked Heels".
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Believe it or not, the commercial for these things already has the appropriate song to make them indispensable to the target demographic, children of the 70's Disco era.

"I'm gonna put on (sing with me...) my my my my my BURGER SHOES..." If they sell, there are plans in the works for a fanny-pack to allow one to "(Milk)shake, shake shake..." aw, you get it!
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"Shoes on the Mooove"

Haute couture meets (meats!) haute cuisine with these awesome sandals! Great for busy women with everything but time to sit down for a meal!

I (Heart) Musicals, Size M, Natural color
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