Duck Walks Into a Bar ...

Peterman's Eye has a neat post analyzing (okay, more like gently 'splaining) the classic "man walks into a bar" joke. Includes some of the best groaners I've read in ages, such as:

Inanimate objects can walk into a bar: Three fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type in here."

And my favorite:

A duck walks into a bar. And he says to the bartender "Got any grapes?" The bartender says "No, I don't have any grapes." The duck walks out, sorely disappointed.

So the next day, he walks back into the bar, asks the same question, gets the same answer.

The day after, he walks back into the bar, and again, asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender, having still not figured out why this duck seems to think he may have some grapes, says to the duck, "No, and if you come back in here tomorrow and ask me if I have any grapes, I will nail your bill to the bar!"

The duck frowns, turns around, and walks out of the bar. So the next day, the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nails?"

The bartender says, "No."

So the duck says, "Got any grapes?"

Link


my favourite.

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns the relevant entry and, sure enough finds an explanation.

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."
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Really geeky one:

An ASCII character walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What's wrong?" The ASCII character says, "I have a parity error." The bartender nods and says, "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

Not geeky:

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "What'll you have?"

The polar bear says, "I think I'll have a gin and ...................................... ................................... ............................ .................. ................. ............. tonic."

The bartender says, "Ok, but why the big pause?"

The polar bear says, "I don't know, I was born with them."
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A tick walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

Jesus walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Close the door, were you born in a barn?"

A jumper cable walks into a bar, and the bar tender says, "Don't start anything."

Two guys walk into a bar... you'd think the second guy would have ducked!
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A pirate walks in to a bar sits down to order. The Bartender hands him his drink, looks him over and asks, "Do you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" To This the Pirate Replies, "Arr, it's driving Me Nuts."

Thanks everyone, I'll be here all week.

Try the Veal.
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I guy walks in to a bar with a sack, looks at the bartender and says "If I show you something completely amazing will you give me a free drink?"

"Well for a free drink it would have to be pretty amazing." says the bartender.

So the guy reaches into the bag a pulls out a tiny working piano and a hamster. The hamster sits and the piano and starts to play Ragtime.

"Well, that is pretty amazing but i don't think it's worth a free drink." replies the Bartender.

So the guy reaches back into the bag and pulls out a frog, and as the hamster plays the frog starts to sing along. Amazed a fellow patron at the bar jumps up and says "Wow, i'll buy that frog from you for 100 dollars"
So the first man hands over the frog and gets 100 dollars. The Bartender comments, "I don't want to pry into your business but you just gave away a fortune."

"Not really, the hamster is also a Ventriloquist."

(Rimshot)
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