Bizarro Caption Contest 2.

"... and when we come back after the break, scientists will tell us which lucky community in the outlying suburbs is sitting on a potential gold mine of natural gas reserves..."

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"Last one alive, please... turn out the lights."

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"Had this been an actual emergency......."

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... and the Chicago Cubs victory parade has been scheduled for Tuesday of next week...

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"This is an emergency broadcast detailing the danger of Godzilla eating beans..."

:D

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"And that's why you shouldn't drink Coca Cola with Pop Rocks!"

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"and in an unforeseen turn of events, Jeb Bush has been elected president for the 2008-2012 term"

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Up next, an urgent Newslink special report: Are Tom and Katie having "trust issues"? You'll never guess what she said. Find out, after the break.

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"Thanks to a Nuclear Holocaust, the world ended today. Stayed tuned though, we have the dangers of your kids eating pocket lint on at 7."

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"anti-wrinkle cream 2 for one!"
http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/4089/untitled1bt6.jpg

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"On the weather forecast for the afternoon, clear, red skies with a chance of hellfire and brimstone."

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"Oops..."

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"A common household object found in your home can actually be deadly! We'll tell you what it is after these messages."

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"We interrupt this regularly scheduled Iraqi war for..."

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"Mission Accomplished!"

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In other news...

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On issue of hydrogen cars, former vice president Gore issues a general "my bad"

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"and Shaq promised Miami residents he would never eat chili again."

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"We are sorry to inform you that tonight's American Idol has been canceled..."

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"It was the largest chili festival ever to..."

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"Dick Chaney then accidentally fired a nuclear missile at the congressman..."

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"Wow Cindy, you would really think someone would have told President Bush NOT to push the big red button..."

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"In a strange occurance, peciecs of blueberry pie and sticks of dynamite fell from the sky earlier today that has left scientists scratching their heads..."

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"Top story today: Britney Spears checked herself out of rehab again."

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Seacrest, OUT!

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Good Morrrrrning, IIIIIrrrrraaaaaqqqqq!

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...and the president says not to worry, and to keep spending to avoid a recession...

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"The city council would like to congratulate the anarchic landscape architects for their reshaping of Bluffton...."

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"No one expected the massive popularity of indoor smoke signaling...."

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"...and most importantly, your tax dollars are at work."

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Up next, we'll speak to the mayor of a town whose residents have all fled to Oz.

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SUV destroys town while helpless human driver looks on.

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Breaking news.

There is a recall of baked beans know to contain massive gas causing wheat from China.

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--skreet skrrr- morning's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm.

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We apologize for omitting the "Please don't do this at home!" disclaimer at the beginning of the show...

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We are pleased to report out our fourth consecutive quarter over quarter decrease in sales as our engineers keep designing TV to the highest quality standard ...

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Teens break record for group flatulence lighting - More at 6:00.

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...And now for the weather.

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"... and this is Ric Romero, reminding you that playing with unexploded ordinance can be hazardous..."

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"We're sorry to announce that from today on god wants to be a woman................................ APRIL'S FOOL!...heh."

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and on a lighter note........

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You see, you see what you made me do. This is what happens when you touch the dial, Steve. You brought this on yourself.

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And now for something completely different.

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in another news, Bush announced that the war on terror have made a great progress even if we don't see it

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"...after the President taunted our alien overlords with the remark 'Let's see what you got, you slimy- asparagus-lookin' freaks'"

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"In other news, official tallies from this morning's election polls, just an hour old, were met with enthusiasm as the United States of America welcomed it's newest Commander-in-Chief, Hillary Clinton..."

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Today's forcast calls for a slight chance of fire and brimstone, followed by brief periods of devouring locusts.

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Sim mayor Ron Palooka calls down armageddon on city after accumulation of insurmountable debts.

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We just have the confirmation the alien attack was a fake, thanks god for this humour moment.

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My fellow Americans, Foreget about Osama bin Hide-in. Al Gore-duh and the agents of Global Warming did this. They are hiding in Iran and Syria. Dick and the boys at Haliburton have just what we need to correctify this situation...before you know it, it'll be "Mission Accomplished!" Disclaimer: I may not have been elected President, but I know you like me more than that "un-American" congress!

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The President's statement reads "You're doing a helluva job, Brownie."

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The President announced a day of celebration to commemorate the 'Total Victory in the War on Terror' today.

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"This is God Kent and you've been a very naughty boy."

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Who farted?

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"and revelations about the secret 20 year ongoing affair between the President and the Speaker of the House have caused significant upheaval on the Hill..."

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"And coming up in the next hour, is your blender giving you cancer? Stay tuned to find out!"

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"Previously... On "Lost"..."

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stick around for an all new episode of friends

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And in other news, Dick Cheney was asked to test a new weapon for the military...

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..And these are your headlines...Baby Polar Bear Knut finds a friend! Kansas girl has the hiccups for 2 months, and Martha Stewart has a suprise for all off you at home! Coming up after the break...

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The Nasdaq hit an all-time...What the heck was that?!?

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Death and destructon rains down upon the Earth, fear in the hearts of children everywhere. Is there any hope?...is there...Hey wait, this happened in New Orleans?

In other news...

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"...however, there was some good news in sports today, as Tiger Woods..."

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Ha ha ; sorry folks bad joke ! The best way to test if an unidentified object is an explosive is to ....

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Today's forecast in Baghdad: bombs with a chance of shooting. Tomorrow: Bombs.

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"And now for some good news... Majority Leader Nancy Pilosi's visit to Syria was a resounding success, resulting in assurances from Middle East leaders that the United States is no longer a target of Islamic jihadists."

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"And a common household product you have in your kitchen could be deadly. We'll let you know which one you should avoid at 11."

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"...up next, CPF Scott Robertson with our Futures report."

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"..and that's the news, I'm Edgar Allen Poe. Good Night"

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Our lead story tonight; will Britney Spears career recover from all the negative publicity her behavior.

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We repeat. Rumors that the world will be coming to an end are vastly exaggerated. When we return, we will hear from experts explaining why the world cannot be coming to an end.

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"And just outside of Whichita, there is a small storm system brewing, which could possibly lead to a small tornado, Jan, but our storm center here isn't calling for any alarms. Back to ..."

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Warning, Close cover before striking

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"This all began when Mortimer found out that he would not be able to fulfill his life long dream of becoming a banker"

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...and that is how the cookie crumbles.

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"I've got good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance."

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It's a beautiful day in the neigborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

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"What common everyday item can become very volatile? Tune it at 10pm to find out."

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"Locke!?! What did you do???"

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..and DNA tests released this afternoon confirm that Sanjaya Malakar is Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy.

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This just in, Transformer's really are more than meets the eye.

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"In related news, the Bush Administration has sent F-17s in response to intelligence that Al-Qaeda was spotted selling caramel popcorn at an Alabama flea market"

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"Tonight at eleven find out why Canada finally snapped."

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the president stated this morning that al qaeda created these "terrorist twisters" as a plot to destroy the bible belt "trying to disenchristianise the american people".

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The local fire brigade were lauded as heroes once again today, after rescuing Mrs. Tuppletop's tabby out of the tree in a matter of hours.

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"The three kittens had no comment."

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"...And in other news."

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"It was announced this morning that immigration officials in Los Angeles will actually begin to deport illegal aliens"

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And the answer to last night's trivia question....exploding bananas.

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Once again, although the cautionary report on combustable breast implants was aired on april first, it was NOT infact a joke. If you live in a trashy town, especially in the south, seek cover and avoid huge gazongas.

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"We inturrupt your regularly scheduled program for this news bulletin, Anna Nicole Smith's pet turtle has been found dead in its terrarium early this morning. Initial reports suggest the death was an accident. We will continue with updates as they develop."

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"i don't want to alarm the public, but I just farted."

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And the President stated "I don't know what this little blinky thing on this radar screen is."

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We were surprised to learn today that Anna Nicole Smith died of a drug overdose.

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"Clean up your room, it looks like a tornado went throught there..."

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...and if the Northern Lights that embezzled the midwest skies this afternoon wasn't freaky enough, we just got confirmation that it apparently caused a dynamite shower that wiped out several cities...

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(wow "embezzled"? I meant "painted". jeez)

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...it looks like Donald finally pushed Rosie too far...

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We're hearing reports that while touring NORAD, Nancy Pelosi said "What does this button do?"

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"And now for the weather- looks like nothing but blue skies ahead!"

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