Ugly Overload.

a manhole cover key - xl Nerd's Guide to Unicorn Meat

a corkscrew for screw cap bottles?

never grow up black 2x ladies fit

A T-key for a C-lock?

never grow up black 2x ladies fit

Sorry, I'm neither a witty nor a funny guy,so I can't give you a smartarse answer........
.....so the real answer is a Tooth Key (it has other names too), used for extracting teeth by placing the hooked end beneath the tooth's crown and twisting the handle to lever the tooth out.

I would like a large sized men's "Powered by Caffeine" tee shirt please

That is a pig tail screw. See, pigs are born with long tails. This is undesirable, as it will tangle with other pigs, which will lead to them communicating with each other to untangle. This will lead to a great pig uprising. That will lead to no bacon. No one wants that. So, the farmers take this curler and curl the pig's tails so that they are no longer a danger of tangling with others.

http://www.neatoshop.com/product/Soft-Kitty 2xl

Soft Hello Kitty

I don't know what the ones with the large eyes and pointed grey heads called it... but in my terrifying memories it will be forever known as "The Probe".

Hello Misfits, Men's Medium

It's a grape de-seeder. It only works on really big grapes though.

Trophy-Husband

It's the earliest form of a tool for cleaning out earwax from your ears. It is also the reason that Q-tips put the warning against putting things in your ears on their packaging.

Trophy-Husband

It's part of a Trepanning Kit, for young doctors. In the 1700's, the original box for this had a picture of a little girl next to a doll that had a bunch of holes in its head. The doll that came with the kit had three or four replacement heads, so you could get more practice in.

Trophy-Husband

It's a drain-cleaning tool, to reach in and pull gross hairballs out of the sink. These tools come in several lengths, to pull grossness out of various lengths of pipe.

Trophy-Husband

Is a basin wrench, for tightening the nut below the plug-hole in a basin/sink (and other plumberly functions :P)

Derp, xxl

The De-Gerbiler by Gere Industries, Inc. - Obey the Trap XL

Plumbing was not up to snuff in King Henry the Eight's time, but at least he had a toilet. Here's his 16th century roto-rooter, used by his trusty Groom of the Stool (actual title).

[Large, Grey, “Science vs. Magic”]

A tooth extractor. The hook fits over the tooth and you use the handle to wiggle it loose and out! OUCH!

Noble gases shirt - XL Dk Gray?

Most folks have no idea how giblets are harvested. This is a giblet collector, but if I were to tell you how it works, it would ruin your Thanksgiving dinner . . .

Made in America With Irish Parts XXL

It's a doohickey heading toward the Whatisit? graveyard. Notice how it's going towards the bright, white lights.
Make it Sew, L, Dark Grey

Before the Heimlich Maneuver was perfected, this was one of many failed attempts to stop choking. You had to shove it down someone's throat to extract the object. It was especially popular during Thanksgiving because it could double as a flowerholder in a centerpiece when not in use.
For the Sake of an Angel, Ladies Fit M.

It's a tool for taking out contact lenses, never really caught on (can't imagine why not).

P and A (medium)