It might be a little late now, but these great Valentines cards by Ben Kling are simply fantastic, not to mention punny as all heck.

Link Via Geekosystem

Bonnie & Clyde, Napoleon & Josephine and Louis XV & Madame de Pompadour…they’re all great love stories -on paper at least. But when you actually learn the whole story for all of these romances, they’re a lot less sweet.

Link

Antony Bowness, a butcher, knows that true love is (served) rare. That’s why he made a rose bouquet out of steak. Gentlemen, take note: this is how to be romantic.

Link -via Gizmodo | Photo: Hungeree

The best way to deal with not having a sweetheart on Valentine’s Day is to have a sense of humor about it. If you’re at all familiar with the “forever alone” meme, you know that it’s all in fun, and nothing is forever. With that in mind, Ranker has collected the 40 best images about how those who are “forever alone” deal with the most romantic of holidays. Link

This Valentine’s Day supercut is the perfect way to make the object of your affection go all gushy inside, in case you want to send it to someone you love. It worked for me! This was edited as a labor of love by Matthew Belinkie, who tells about how he selected and organized the clips at his website. Link -via mental_floss

If she could just stop getting kidnapped, Link would finally be able to give her his heart, but I doubt that’s ever going to happen. Oh well, we can still appreciate the card, created by Adam Bing, even if Zelda herself will never get it.

Link Via Kotaku

The perfect geeky Valentine for any Whovians out there. I don’t know about you guys, but I’d love to get a homemade card tailored to my personal interests like this.

Link Via The Daily What

More than eight billion (some 13 million pounds) of the little hearts are sold in the six weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day. Sweethearts make up 40 percent of the Valentine candy market, just behind chocolate, according to Aimee Scott, Necco’s marketing director.

One of America’s oldest candy companies, Necco was founded in 1847 in Boston by Englishman Oliver Chase, who got the business off to a good start by inventing devices that cut candy lozenges and pulverized sugar. Necco first sold confections similar to Sweethearts, but in the shape of scallop shells.

Sweethearts are still evolving every year. Smithsonian magazine has all kinds of interesting facts about Sweethearts. Link

(Image generated at Cryptogram)

Longest Kiss

(Video Link)

I don’t know about you guys, but I would need a serious Chap Stick infusion after kissing someone for 46 and a half hours. The couple, Ekkachai and Laksana Tiranarat, was part of a contest held in Thailand in 2011, which led to seven couples breaking the existing record of 32 hours that was set back in 2009.

 Longest Underwater Kiss

It takes two people who can both hold their breath for a long while to break this record, which is why it is so impressive that Italians Michele Fucarino and Elisa Lazzarini were able to hold their breath while kissing for 3 minutes and 24 seconds.

Longest Underwater Mouth-to-Mouth Kiss

(Video Link)

While the Italian couple may have set the record for longest underwater kiss without breathing, Antonio de la Rosa Suarez holds a different but equally impressive record for kissing underwater. In his case, two women took turns kissing him while passing air to him. He stayed down there for 7 minutes, which seems like a relatively short record given that he was allowed to breathe during the process. Maybe one of you guys could take a crack at this one.

Most Expensive Kiss

Love Sharon Stone? Not as much as Joni Rimm apparently. Rimm actually shelled out $50,000 for one kiss with the actress, who offered up a lick-smacking session as part of a charity auction supporting Project Angel Foods, a charity dedicated to providing free meals for people with HIV and AIDS.

Most Simultaneous Underwater Marriages

As if having a giant wedding ceremony wasn’t romantic enough, the fact that 34 couples opted to exchange wedding vows underwater on Valentine’s Day makes this one sweet occasion, even if kissing the bride 33 feet underwater isn’t exactly an easy proposition.

Longest Hug

(Video Link)

It seems strange, but the world’s longest hug was actually almost a full day shorter than the world’s longest kiss. At only 24 hours and 33 minutes, it seems that this record, held by Ron O’Neil and Theresa Kerr, is just begging to be broken –so if you want to get in the book, better start locking arms now.

Longest Hug Marathon

(Video Link)

Did you know that January 21 is National Hugging Day? Six couples in the UK certainly were when they worked to break the record for longest hug marathon on the cuddly holiday. The hugging marathon lasted for 24 hours and 44 minutes, although two of the couples dropped out as they broke their hugs during the marathon.

If you’re wondering what makes a hug marathon different from a regular hugging record, it’s the simple fact that marathoners are permitted to take a five minute long break every hour, which they can save up for a longer break if they want. Given that this record is only 11 minutes longer than the longest hug record and it allows you breaks for food and bathroom time, it seems like it might be even easier to break.

Largest Group Hug

Of course, if you don’t want to hug just one person for an extended period, you can always opt to be part of the largest hug. The current record involved 10,554 participants hugging in Ottawa in 2010. That’s a whole lot of arms!

Most Hugs In A 24 Hour Period

(Video Link)

For those with a lot of love to share though, you can always try hugging lots of strangers, opting to achieve the most hugs in a 24 hour period. This record seems pretty hard to break though, given that the current record holder, Jeff Ondash, managed to get in 7,777 hugs in only 24 hours while standing outside of a Vegas casino on Valentine’s Day.

Oldest Couple to Get Married

Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that record breaking requires a youthful vigor. In fact, many are awarded to the oldest people to participate in a given activity. In the case of the oldest couple to get married, based on their aggregate age, the record goes to Francois Frenandez and Madeleine Francineau who were married in 2002 at the ages of 96 and 94, respectively.

Longest Marriage

As for the couple who tested out the “til death do us part” section of their vows more than any other couple, that goes to Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, who were married for over 86 years. If 60 years is the Diamond Anniversary, does anyone know what the 80^th is?

Most Marriage Vow Renewals

While they may not be anywhere close to the longest marriage record, Lauren and David Blair have celebrated the most vow renewals –exchanging vows over 100 times after only having been married 27 years. While it might sound like overkill, just think of all the great honeymoons the couple got to enjoy.

The Oldest Cultivated Decorative Plant

To be fair, this one doesn’t sound romantic by the title, but the fact that roses have been cultivated for their beauty longer than any other plant is pretty impressive and adds an impressive context to a Valentine’s Day bouquet. The flowers have been grown since at least 50 AD, when the Romans started growing them in plantations and hot houses to ensure a year-round supply.

Image Via alice_ling [Flickr]

Largest Chocolate

Want some chocolates to go with your flowers? Well, nothing would impress your date quite like the world’s largest chocolate. Created by Hershey’s in 2007, this massive Kiss weighed in at 30,540 pounds. Better hope he or she doesn’t try to eat it all in one sitting or you might just spend Valentine’s Day in the ER.

Image Via vanderwal [Flickr]

Most Expensive Diamond

If diamonds are a girl’s best friend, then the 100 carat diamond that sold for $16,561,171 in 1995 must be the best friend a gal could ever hope for.

So, any of you think you could break some of these records? Personally, the only one I think I’d ever want to be involved with would be the bear hug. I just don’t think I could deal with kissing someone for over 24 hours at a time.

(Video Link)

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, these kitties want to show us just how to celebrate the upcoming holiday. Isn’t love beautiful?

Via I Can Has Cheezburger

Okay, I’ve got one of Shakespeare’s love sonnets in the original Klingon. Now I need a good valentine before Tuesday. Thankfully, Eric Goodnight of How-To Geek has a step-by-step tutorial with screenshots that shows how to make a geeky valentine with Photoshop. He also has eleven ready to use, including the two you see above.

Link -via Geek Crafts

Looking for a sweet gift that won’t add to someone’s waistline? Then why not crochet some adorable truffles in a heart-shaped box using this great pattern.

Link Via CraftZine

If you didn’t have any instructions, how would you duplicate this cupcake? Suggest a method and then click on the link to see Kurryleaves’s clever approach. Did you guess correctly?

Link -via Tasteologie

Can you imagine anything more romantic, personal, and memorable than a proposal at a pizza chain? Pizza Hut is offering a deluxe Valentine’s Day proposal package that includes an engagement ring (no diamonds though -it’s ruby), photographer, videographer, limousine, fireworks, and a ten dollar pizza! The cost? Just $10,010. Better hurry and reserve your package, because they are only selling ten of them. But hey, if you miss out on the deal, you can a) make your proposal a surprise, 2) do it in a more personal place, and c) save enough money to pay for a nice wedding and/or honeymoon. Link -via Jezebel

The gown, designed for the upcoming Valentine’s Day, involves more than 170 hours of labor and reportedly weighs just under two stone.

The gown features petals from 1,000 Naomi red roses all over the dress, fifteen Carmen roses and 200 chrysanthemums, decorated with gold-leaf, around the hip and skirt of the dress, and petals from 150 Purple Power roses, 75 gerberas and 300 carnations, all picked from Walmart’s Valentine’s bouquet collection, to flush this creation.

You can view more and larger pictures at the link.

Link | Video | Photo: Press Association/Yahoo

This Valentine's Day, tell your sweetheart that your love will never die - in fact, it will survive a nuclear holocaust, just like a cockroach.

This Valentine’s Day, the Bronx Zoo wants to start a new lover’s tradition: giving the gift of a cockroach.

You won’t actually get a pet cockroach; rather the gift will be in name only. For $10, you can name a Bronx Zoo roach after your beloved. For $15 more, you can commemorate the occasion with a dark chocolate roach. Though the chocolate roaches are lifelike, they don’t actually contain real roach. Proceeds benefit the Wildlife Conservation Society and its five parks in New York.

Unless there is a huge demand for the name-game gift, don’t worry about the zoo running short on supplies. There are more than 58,000 Madagascar hissing cockroaches in the Bronx Zoo.

Link | Bronx Zoo's Name a Roach web page

What says "I love you" more than Madagascar hissing cockroaches? Perhaps only the Love Rats from the NeatoShop.

Put on some comfortable boots, snuggle up with your companion, and hold your breath when the plant’s ruggedly handsome superintendent, Jimmy Pynn, explains how the city cleans 1.3 billion gallons of wastewater each day.

You’ll get to see every aspect of the plant’s waste treating process, and even take a trip through its suggestively shaped digester tanks, where plucky microorganisms break down what you and your date ate for lunch yesterday, producing methane and carbon dioxide gas.

And at the end of the tour, Pynn will give each attendee a Hershey’s Kiss — because there’s nothing sweeter than protecting the environment.

One thing’s for sure -it will be a Valentine’s Day neither of you will ever forget. Link -via Breakfast Links

(Image credit: New York City government)

Looking for something really different to give your loved one this Valentine’s Day? How about a roach?

How better to express your appreciation for that special someone than to name one of the Bronx Zoo’s 58,000 Madagascar hissing cockroach after them? Best of all, when you purchase this everlasting gift, you’ll help support the Wildlife Conservation Society and its five parks in New York City.

Ok, so technically, it might not be the most romantic gift, but it’s certainly something that won’t soon be forgotten, which is more than you can say about a dozed roses.

Link Via The Mary Sue

Beth Jackson Klosterboer made little cheesecakes shaped and decorated like the classic Sweetheart candies. Each one is about two inches across. Klosterboer has demanding standards for cheesecake filling and used what she considers to be finest recipe. You can find it at the link.

Link -via Craft

Anatomical Heart Pencil Holder - $19.95

This Valentine's Day, give your loved one your heart ... Your Anatomical Heart Pencil Holder from the NeatoShop, that is.

This sculpted heart can serve as a vase for flowers or pencils and pens. It's an unforgettable Valentine's Day present that your loved one can use every day.

Link | View more Valentine's Day gifts | Unusual Pencil Holders

Carey of Petite Kitchenesse calls it an “egg in the basket”, but here in the South we refer to this dish as a “toad-in-a-hole”. They’re easy to make, and Carey’s variation makes them a great Valentine’s Day breakfast.

Link -via Tasteologie

We’ve previously featured Spabettie’s scrumptious-looking vegan s’more cocktails. The cups were made out of chocolate using Cool Shooters ice trays, so you can devour them with no clean up concerns.

Now Spabettie is continuing with the same theme, this time using vegan white chocolate. She poured a pepper-infused vodka into the chocolate cups to create a hot Valentine’s Day treat.

Link -via Tasteologie

Psshh…chocolates are so twentieth century. In a world that’s obsessed with zombies, there’s no better Valentine’s gift than a simple, handmade set of zombie monsters. You can buy you own set over at Etsy.

Link Via CraftZine

The Oatmeal is certainly the first site I think of for cards when I want to slide a note over to my secret crush at the Neatorama office. That’s why the site’s Valentine’s Day cards are just so darn wonderful… of course, that might also be why Zeon has a restraining order against me.

Link

Planning something special for Valentine's Day? Not if you're in Uzbekistan. The authorities in the Central Asian nation has canceled Valentine's Day:

Instead, residents in the capital of Tashkent can enjoy readings of poems by Mughal emperor Babur, who died in the 16th century.

The unofficial ban on romance-related festivities echoes long-standing antagonism in Uzbekistan toward the holiday. Last year, the Turkiston newspaper described Valentine's Day as the work of "forces with evil goals bent on putting an end to national values."

Link

See also: Neat Valentine's Day gifts from the NeatoShop

Google Maps has a cute new function called Map Your Valentine. It lets you create a heart around a special location and send a message to your sweetie. When received through email, the valentine reads “I picked this place especially for you.”

Link via Fast Company

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! I thought I’d share this oldie but goodie Geeky Science Valentines, first published on Neatorama back in 2008.

Valentines Day, a day to celebrate love or even just the concept of love and romance. What better way to inspire those romantic feelings than cute critters kissing? Rue the Day has a collection of 14 pairs of animals smooching, plus a chance to enter a contest as well! Link

(Image credit: Flickr user muzina_shanghai)

“Flowers wilt.  Chocolates melt.  Roaches are forever.”

That’s the advice offered by the Bronx Zoo in conjunction with their limited-time Valentine’s Day offer:

How better to express your appreciation for that special someone than to name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after them? Naming a roach in honor of someone near and dear to your heart shows that you’ve noticed how resilient, resourceful, and loyal that person is. Or maybe it’s in recognition of your one and only’s virility, or strength in the face of high radiation…

For a $10 donation, the Wildlife Conservation Society will name one of the hissing cockroaches after your loved one and send him or her a “truly memorable Certificate of Honor.”  About 1,700 names have been assigned during the first two days of this inspired promotion.  Details at the link.

Link.

Artist Elliot Quince made linocut prints of creepy/funny zombie valentines you can print out and give to someone you love -if they have a sense of humor! What better way to say “Happy Valintestines Day”? Link -via Laughing Squid

What happens in the few days leading up to Valentines Day? Several preparatory activities are explained in line graphs, from gift purchases to texting to bikini waxes at Cool Material. Link -via Buzzfeed

Albatrosses

If you’re looking for the animal mating ritual that most closely resembles human dating, don’t look to primates, even mammals, instead, check out the albatross. These massive seabirds take a long time to reach sexual maturity –up to 10 years in some species, but they certainly don’t make up for it by rushing into a relationship. When they first start coming to the breeding colonies, young birds sit back and learn from their elders, observing the specie’s elaborate mating rituals that include dancing, preening, staring, pointing, and vocalizations. After years of trial and error, the birds learn to participate in these mating rituals. They will then start dancing with many partners, but year after year, they will trim down their dance card until they have selected the one partner they want to be with for the rest of their lives.

Once the partner is chosen, the pair will develop their own unique language comprised of bits of their mating ritual. Interestingly, once they have mated, they will never use most of the ritual again. While it seems like a massive undertaking, egg laying and chick rearing is a major time investment for albatrosses and the couples do everything they can to ensure they will be a successful mating pair.

Source

Great Hornbills

While most birds are monogamous, few are quite as dependent on their mates as the female hornbill is on the male. The couple gets in the mood by singing duets together. The male starts the tune, then the female jumps in and the calls then join in unison. The pair will occupy a large nest inside the hollow of a massive tree. Once the eggs are laid and fertilized, the female will then seal herself in the nest. The male will then provide food for her and her chicks through a small hole in the nest. This goes on for about two months, then the female will leave the nest, sealing up the chicks inside. The mother and father will then take turns bringing the chicks food until they are grown enough to break the seal and survive on their own.

Source

Lovebirds

Of course lovebirds belong on this list, just look at their name. But what makes this specific parrot species so darn romantic that they are often given as wedding presents to symbolize the couple’s lifelong commitment to one another? Like most birds, lovebirds are monogamous, but its their habit of sitting beside another and cuddling that has made them such a strong image of love. Their tight pairings led the ancient Greeks to believe the birds would die if they lost their mates.

The peach-faced lovebirds find a partner when they are two months old. The female fluffs up her feathers to tell the male that she is interested and he then starts to perform a courtship dance that involves bobbing his head and scratching her head.

Once the couple lays eggs, the female will incubate the nest while the male goes out to get her food. When the chicks hatch, the dad gets the food, feeds it to the mother who then regurgitates the meal for the chicks.

Sources: #1 and #2

Brolgas

All cranes are monogamous and they all have their own intricate mating dances, but the brogla’s are particularly fascinating. They mate with their partners every year, often in the same nesting area, but no matter how long they’ve been together, they always keep the passion flowing, performing their intricate mating dance every year. Just how complex is this ritual? Well, there is a reason it is considered the most elaborate mating dance in the animal kingdom.

The dances generally start with a bird picking up a clump of grass and tossing it in the air and catching it in its mouth. Then the dance starts to involve jumping, extending wings, stretching bowing, walking calling and head bobbing. Sometimes only one bird will dance, sometimes a pair will dance together, in other situations, the whole colony will jump in, starting up a massive brogla dance club.

Sources: #1 and #2

Seahorses

You may already know that male seahorses are the ones who carry the litter, but did you know they go through an intimate courtship first? They hold tails, swim snout to snout and change colors to show one another that they are ready for romance. This process can last for days before the pair engages in a courtship dance that lasts up to eight hours.

Once the male is pregnant, the female sticks around until he gives birth. She visits him every morning, holding his tail, changing colors and flirting with him to ensure that he will continue to nurture the eggs until they hatch.

Source Image via San Diego Shooter [Flickr]

Garden Snails

These slimy garden pests may not seem too romantic, particularly when you consider the fact that they are hermaphrodites, but they just may have inspired the Greek tales of cupid. Although snails are hermaphrodites, they require another partner to lay eggs. Their courtship process largely comes down to the animals circling one another and firing off “love darts” at each other, one third of which miss the target. The mucus-covered darts stimulate the animal’s female reproductive organs so they can hold more sperm. Once the darts are in place, the partners trade sperm cells for as long as six hours.

Next time you hear stories of the arrow-shooting cherub, just imagine a giant snail shooting darts before copulation. For some reason it’s just not as good of a Valentine’s Day card though.

Source Image via nutmeg66 [Flickr]

Prairie Voles

Most rodents are far from romantic, but the prairie vole is one of a handful of monogamous creatures that fall under the title. The male voles will move in with their first girlfriend and stick with her for the rest of their lives. During mating season, they will mark their territory and defend it from any trespassers by chattering its teeth and raising its arms. The male is particularly aggressive towards females who attempt to enter the territory and will even attack potential home wreckers. The happy couple will not only share pup-raising, but also groom each other and huddle together for warmth.

Sources: #1 and #2

Bonobos

While the other animals on this list are romantic in their monogamous relationships, bonobos are romantic in an entirely different manner. These primates copulate while facing each other and to participate in open mouth kissing. If the other creatures represent our ideal life-long bond of romance, bonobos personify our most popular forms of physical intimacy. I think it’s important we look at these factors too. After all, we don’t just fall in love, we also “make love.”

Source Image via CourtneyBolton [Flickr]

I don’t know about all of you, but this article sure put me in a romantic mood. Who needs wine and roses when you can dance like a crane, sing like an albatross and shoot love darts like a snail?

The  heart shaped Tunes for Two headphone splitter from the NeatoShop is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for any music lover.  They will love this gift so much that they might even allow you snuggle up close enough to “cop a feel.”

Be sure to check out the NeatoShop for more Valentine’s Day foolishness.

]]> http://www.neatorama.com/2011/02/06/heart-shaped-tunes-for-two/feed/ 0 http://www.neatorama.com/2011/02/03/love-ice-tray/ http://www.neatorama.com/2011/02/03/love-ice-tray/#comments Thu, 03 Feb 2011 19:25:07 +0000 Tiffany http://www.neatorama.com/?p=41515

Love Ice Tray – $7.95

Tell someone how hot they make you this Valentine’s Day by giving them the Love Ice Tray from the  NeatoShop.  Winter, snow and ice be damned, because you are just burning up with desire!

Be sure to visit the NeatoShop for more Valentine’s Day gift ideas.

Don’t worry ladies, there are plenty of ways for you to passive aggressively tell your man he isn’t attractive enough. This great product can remind him that he’s not only bald, but that he’s disgustingly sweaty too. Hooray for destroying your lover’s self confidence!

This is just one of a dozen gifts that say, “I have no idea how to shop for Valentines Day.” Link

This Valentine’s Day, give your loved ones something better than flowers. The Red Rose Towel Treat from the NeatoShop is a red rose that she can actually use: it’s a cleverly folded cotton wash cloth! At $4.95, it’s a gift that’s both romantic and functional. Plus it won’t wilt.

Link | More Valentine’s Day Gifts

Candy Cuffs -  $6.95

Candy Cuffs from the NeatoShop, because sometimes your cravings for sweets just cannot be contained.

What? Did you think I was going to make some sort of naughty Valentine’s Day reference?   Get your mind out of the gutter. Candy Cuffs clearly have other purposes.

Visit the NeatoShop for more deliciously fun gift ideas.

Black Heart Plush – $24.95

Do you know someone who is having a wee bit of trouble with love this Valentine’s Day? Cheer them up with the Black Heart Plush from the NeatoShop. Nothing says embrace the pain like a faux patent leather plushie.

Be sure to visit the NeatoShop for more Valentine’s Day survival tools.

Are you looking for the perfect end to that romantic Valentine’s Day meal? Well look no further! The Heart Gelatin Mold from the NeatoShop is for you.  Nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like having your heart ripped apart and devoured by someone you love.

Check out the NeatoShop for more heartfelt gifts.

In the 1700s, rural Englishwomen would pin five bay leaves to their pillows—four on the corners, one in the middle—on the evening before Valentine’s Day. By doing so, it was said, they would see their future husbands in their dreams. A variation of this tradition called for women to sprinkle bay leaves with rosewater and lay them across their pillows.

Link -via Nag on the Lake

Bottoms Up, Rings Down!

Putting a ring inside your girl friend’s Wendy’s Frosty may seem romantic, but when you and your friends encourage her to chug it, you might just ruin the surprise. At least, that’s what happened to Reed Harris, when his girlfriend, Kaitlin Whipple, opened up her gullet and downed the contents on her Frosty, only to see her cheering crowd suddenly go blank and look at each other with worry. “I felt nothing at all,” she told Lauer. “I was racing my friends, so there was no way I was going to lose that competition.”

That’s right, Kaitlin drank her engagement ring and had to go to the hospital, where the ring was found via X-ray. Reed proposed to Kaitlin with the X-ray image of the ring in place of the actual jewelry. A few days later, with the help of plenty of fiber, the couple recovered the ring –and promptly had it cleaned!

Source: MSNBC Image via Kaitlin’s Website.

Try Chewing Next Time

Lest you think that Kaitlin is the only woman to have swallowed her diamond ring during an engagement proposal gone wrong, here’s a proposal story that “takes the cake.” Mr. Chen, a resident of China, thought it would be really romantic to bake his engagement ring into a cake to surprise his girlfriend. Chen said he was inspired by romantic comedies he’s seen, which always tends to be a bad start.

His girlfriend, Wen, was eating the cake when he bent down on his knee to propose, and then she suddenly passed out. “I realized I had just swallowed the ring with a full mouth of cake,” she said.

Chen called the police who told him to visit the hospital, where they were able to use a catheter to remove the ring. When Wen woke up, she promptly said yes.

Source: Ananova Image via Chotda [Flickr] (not the actual cake in the story)

Leaves Your Emotions Soaring

Admittedly, giving your girlfriend a balloon and then having a ring fall out when you pop it is really romantic, but I’m sure we can all see the infinite number of things that could go wrong through this method of “popping the question.” Lefkos Hajji didn’t consider all those potential problems when he had a florist hide a ring worth over $1,000 inside a balloon.

Thought the florist warned him to hold on tight to the balloon, Lefkos lost the balloon moments after leaving the shop when a gust of wind tore it from his hands. He claims he chased the balloon in his car for two days before he gave up hope. “I just watched as it went further and further into the air. I felt like such a plonker. It cost a fortune and I knew my girlfriend would kill me.”

While Lefkos may get a lot of points on the romantic scale, his inability to see the obvious dangers in this plan indicate that he may be a little short on the intelligence side. Evidence that his IQ is lower than the average bear is even stronger when you consider that the girl he is so in love with, presumably for her kindness and lovingness, refuses to speak with him until he gets her a new one. Personally, I would laugh and feel bad if my boyfriend did something like this. Of course, I think if he were to come up with a plan like this, he’d have an easy work around to prevent the danger from ever happening. –For example, this all could have been avoided if Lefkos put a note that said “will you marry me” in the balloon and then handed the girl the ring when she read the note. It’s just as sweet, not as dangerous.

Source: The Sun UK Image via Kaptain Kobold [Flickr] (not the balloon in the story)

Rejection is Better In Private

I’ve always thought that if you were going to ask a girl to marry you in front of a massive audience, you’d better know she’s going to say yes. In this situation, even if the girl says yes, you still can’t be sure she actually meant it when she had that much pressure on her to agree. Of course, not every girl will say yes no matter how much she feels pressure, as seen in the video above, where a woman rejects her prospective husband in front of a full arena and tv cameras.

Video link

The Rejection Should Not Be Televised

Like women swallowing wedding rings, rejecting potential spouses in public is not entirely uncommon. This woman’s face tells the answer before he even asks. This could have been a really romantic moment of television, but when the girl’s obviously not into it, the result is just plain awkward…not to mention painful. This couldn’t have been good for the show’s ratings.

Video link

Keep Your Feet On The Ground

Sometimes all it takes for a proposal to go wrong is a little too much romance. When one man proposed on top of a steep hiking trail, the girl was so excited that she managed to fall off the cliffs after excitedly saying yes. She dropped ten feet off a steep rockface (like the one seen above) and went unconscious after hitting the ground. Luckily, park police were able to fly her out of the area with a helicopter and none of her injuries were life-threatening.

Source: NY Daily News Image via Sharron McClellan [Flickr]

You Have The Right To Be An Idiot

It’s generally not a great idea to use government resources to scare the hell out of your girlfriend just so you can pop the question, but Baltimore State Delegate Jon S. Cardin is far too much of a risk-taker to heed such common sense. As such, he thought it would be a great idea to borrow a friend’s yacht and then convince local, on-duty police to raid the vessel with both boats and a helicopter, all in a strange, elaborate method of proposing to his girlfriend. Officers searched the boat and Megan Homer thought she was about to be handcuffed when Jon bent down on one knee and asked for her hand.

Unfortunately for Mr. Cardin, officials for the Baltimore Police Department asked for his explanation. The officials were furious to hear about such an abuse of police resources when the city was already strapped for resources and police were in short supply even at dangerous crime scenes. Anthony Guglielmi, the Police Department’s chief spokesman, stated “The Police Department is not in the business of renting out the helicopter and the boats for bachelor parties and birthdays. We’re in the business of upholding public safety in Baltimore.”

When Cardin actually addressed the public about the matter, he claimed the police performed a “routine safety check,” and left out the part about the helicopter. At least he promised to reimburse the city for any expenses related to the proposal.

Source: Baltimore Sun Image via Chris Hau [Flickr]

Don’t Kiss Someone To Deaf

Marriage proposals are not the only romantic gestures that go wrong of course. Even something as simple as a kiss can go very, very wrong in some situations. Take for example the Chinese woman who became partially deaf for two months after receiving a mind-numbingly passionate kiss from her lover. Somehow the kiss created pressure build up in her head so severe that her right ear drum blew out, leaving it completely deaf.

“While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution,” said the Chinese newspaper that originally covered the story.

Source: Reuters Image via Life Photographer Alfred Eisenstaedt

The Kiss Heard Round The World

Speaking of kisses that really make an impact, it’s important to know the cultural implications of public displays of affection before you kiss someone publicly on stage. Richard Gere learned this the hard way when he managed to piss off practically everyone in India by kissing the Celebrity Big Brother winner, Shilpa Shetty, on stage during an Aids awareness rally in New Dehli. In India, it is considered obscene to publicly display any form of affection and Gere’s kissing Shetty’s hands and face were considered vulgar to those watching. Some people were so incensed by his actions that they actually burned effigies of him on the street, while protesters in other areas shouted “death to Shilpa Shetty.”

Source: BBC

Only Some Things Are Forever

Getting a life-sized portrait of your wife and children tattooed on your back might not be on most people’s to do list, but it most certainly displays a life-long commitment to your spouse. Unfortunately for Alan Jenkins, his wife was most certainly not willing to return the favor. While he was going through the 20-hour long, $1500 process of a full-back tattoo, she was busy cheating with a man who was 10-years-her-junior that she met at work. Of course, Alan didn’t find out until after the tattoo was complete, “I had it because I thought we loved each other – I feel very betrayed.” Strangely, he’s decided to not have her image removed.

His wife, Lisa, tried to defend herself by saying she never meant to fall in love with fitness instructor Kaspars Gavars and that she never wanted Alan to get the tattoo in the first place. Still, waiting for your husband to complete his tattoo before you tell him about your affair is pretty heinous.

This incident reminds me of the scene in “Born In East L.A.” where Cheech is told to remove the tattoo of a woman on someone’s back. Since he obviously can’t remove it, he draws devil horns and a mustache on the face. Maybe Alan needs to see this movie for some ideas.

Source: Daily Mail UK

Passengers Only Beyond This Point

In olden times, it was ok to walk your sweetie all the way down the tarmac just to spend the most possible time together before kissing each other goodbye, but in the days of the TSA, it’s not so simple. Personally, I thought this was pretty common knowledge, but I guess I was wrong because apparently, because one man actually shut down a whole airport for five hours just to kiss his girlfriend goodbye.

The couple remains unidentified, but I’m sure more than a few people at the airport wish they knew who was responsible for making every single passenger go through security a second time, delaying flights for hours. The TSA agent that left his post, letting the man slip into the secure area undetected, was suspended on administrative leave.

Source: Reuters Image

Only Babies Can Go Naked and Shoot People With Arrows

One of the most frequent reasons men seem to get in trouble for romantic gestures is in a strange attempt to impress a girl. While outrageous methods occasionally catch a woman’s eye, many stupid ideas not only fall flat, but also result in arrests and mayhem.

James Miller is a perfect example. This young Romeo had a bit too much to drink one night and decided that relying on cupid wasn’t good enough to take his relationship to the next level –instead, he decided, he needed to be cupid. So he took the next logical step and jumped onto the field of a soccer game dressed in only his boxers, shooting roses from an arrow at the crowd of entertained onlookers.

Naturally, he was arrested, fined and banned from any further soccer games for the next three years. Unfortunately for Miller though, his girlfriend, Jade Thompson, had quite the opposite reaction to his stunt and dumped him shortly after the incident. To make matters worse, since he’s in the military, his superior officers warned that he may even be court-martialed for the stunt.

“That sort of behavior always seems to work some romantic magic in the movies. Now I have no girlfriend and no job,” he explained outside of a courtroom hearing.

Source: Telegraph UK

Crime Doesn’t Pay or Get You Girls

What could be worse than streaking along a soccer field to impress a girl? Drunkenly stealing a plane and then crashing it into a soybean field. Michael Santos had already lost his driver’s license permanently, but that didn’t deter his desire to impress his girlfriend by showing her that he could fly a plane.

So, he drove her to the airport while drunk, broke into a plane and then managed to catch the wing on fire before he even reached the end of the taxiway. He then missed a curve in the runway veered into a soybean field and cut up a bunch of the plants with the plane’s propeller. Police estimate the damage to be around $160,000.

No word yet on whether his girlfriend actually stuck by him after this moronic stunt, but the fact that she got into the plane with her drunken boyfriend is a good indicator that she seems to lack common sense enough to dump him for this.

Source: MSNBC Image via Cranky Guy Media [Flickr] (not the actual plane involved)

Don’t Flash Cash You Don’t Have

The spirit of capitalism is alive and well in China, or at least when it comes to trying to impress women. A man in the Heilongjiang province was arrested last year after trying to impress his girlfriend by depositing a 250 million yuan ($36.5 million) check into his bank account. The only problem, the check was a fake and he bought it only so he could look cool by depositing it in front of her.

I’m sure you can guess what happened afterward; bank clerks knew the check was fake and called the police and the man was arrested. He immediately confessed that he bought the fake check for the sake of impressing his lover.

The moral here is it’s better to be poor and honest than truthful while under arrest.

Source: China Daily

What about you readers? Have any love stories from hell, or know someone else that does? Do share.

Check out this little snuggling (or is it snorgling?) action and just before Valentines Day on the beaches of South Georgia! OK, I’m torn between condemning such close interaction with a wild animal by humans, however I am stuck saying, “D’awwwwwww,” throughout the whole video. I can’t help but think that the behaviour of the seal is between being very curious and/or lonely.

Whatever the facts are – I recall how vocal some of you folks have been about wild animal and humans interacting with Neatorama’s article on Sonya the Slow Loris – humans should never be this close to a wild animal no matter how adorable it looks or acts. After all seals are also predators and have attacked humans before…but they have also been the ones to initiate contact with humans.

**UPDATE – I see that the video has indeed been taken down which is a shame, really. I would like to thank “l’elk!” for the link which you can find in the comments for a Google Cache. Backup link here – Link

**UPDATE 2: OK, I apologize folks for the video disappearing on all of you but it would seem that all remnants of the video are gone including the Google Cache link. It was fun while it lasted.

**UPDATE 3: KY3, was kind enough to post up in the comments a link to the video! Thank you KY3! [Link here]

The Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Yes, one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World may have been created because Nebuchadnezzar II wanted to impress his wife. While some historians think the gardens only ever existed as a poetic creation on paper, others contend that the Chaldean King felt bad for his wife, Amytis of Media, because she missed her Persian homeland so much.  As any doting husband would do, Nebuchadnezzar decided to embark upon a massive landscaping project using plants and trees that would remind her of Persia’s forested mountains.  OK, he wasn’t exactly out there with a wheelbarrow himself, but what he had created sounds like it was pretty spectacular. Greek Historian Diodorus described it like this:

“The Garden was 100 feet (30 m) long by 100 ft wide and built up in tiers so that it resembled a theatre. Vaults had been constructed under the ascending terraces which carried the entire weight of the planted garden; the uppermost vault, which was seventy-five feet high, was the highest part of the garden, which, at this point, was on the same level as the city walls. The roofs of the vaults which supported the garden were constructed of stone beams some sixteen feet long, and over these were laid first a layer of reeds set in thick tar, then two courses of baked brick bonded by cement, and finally a covering of lead to prevent the moisture in the soil penetrating the roof. On top of this roof enough topsoil was heaped to allow the biggest trees to take root. The earth was leveled off and thickly planted with every kind of tree. And since the galleries projected one beyond the other, where they were sunlit, they contained conduits for the water which was raised by pumps in great abundance from the river, though no one outside could see it being done.”

Not bad, right? His romantic gesture must have worked, because Amytis stuck around.

The Taj Mahal

 
You might not want to attempt this Valentine if your loved one is still living, lest they think you’re after their insurance policy. But Shah Jahan had good reason to create a massive tomb for his wife, Mumtaz Mahal – she had just died while giving birth to their 14th child. Shah Jahan was devastated. He immediately went into seclusion and was rumored to be considering abdicating the throne and turning to a solitary life as a religious recluse. Reports say that his hair went from having a few strands of grey hair to a full head of it, and that he wept so much his vision deteriorated. His family put up with it for a while, but eventually became frustrated with his constant grieving. “If he continued to abandon himself to his mourning, Mumtaz might think of giving up the joys of Paradise to come back to earth, this place of misery,” one of his honorary uncles wrote, “He should also consider the children she had left to his care.”
Ouch. Well, sometimes when you’re upset, you just need to throw your energies into something else – so that’s what Jahan did. Six months after she died, the foundation was laid for what would end up being one of the greatest architectural and artistic accomplishments in history. It took 22 years, about 20,000 workers and 32 million rupees or so to complete. Poet Sir Edwin Arnold referred to the Taj Mahal as, “Not a piece of architecture, as other buildings are, but the proud passions of an emperor’s love wrought in living stones.”

Both Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal have taken up final residence in the Taj Mahal.
Photo from PlasmaPool.

The British Throne

OK, Prince Edward VIII didn’t give his wife the throne, he gave it up for her. Prince Edward was in a relationship with a married American woman named Wallis Simpson when his father, King George V, suddenly passed away. In fact, Edward watched the public announcement of his father’s death (and, subsequently, Edward’s reign) from a window, accompanied by the married Simpson. Edward served as King for less than a year, with advisors repeatedly telling him that the public would never accept Wallis Simpson as queen for many reasons, including her two divorces and the fact that she was born in the United States. Edward suggested a morganatic marriage, meaning that although he would remain King, there was no way Wallis could ever become Queen. This suggestion was immediately shot down.

There was so much pressure on the couple that Simpson was just about ready to make a public announcement saying that she was ready and willing to give up the King, but Edward refused to allow it. On December 10, 1936, Edward signed the Instrument of Abdication, stating that he was willingly giving up all of his kingly duties. He issued a statement to the people of England, saying “”I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of responsibility, and to discharge my duties as King as I would wish to do, without the help and support of the woman I love.”

Simpson hadn’t divorced her husband yet and began proceedings immediately. The couple had to stay away from each other until the divorce was final; they finally reunited in May of 1937 and married a month later on June 3, 1937 – which would have been King George’s 72nd birthday.

Photo from the BBC.

James Stowe has a neat collection of Star Wars cards for Valentine’s Day, which is this Sunday.  There are six cards, one for each episode.

Link (Previously on Neatorama: A Very Wrong Star Wars Valentine)

Here’s a kitschy gift idea for Valentine’s Day: a frog in a cup that magically transforms into a prince after you add a little bit of water!

Link

Or, if you want to give the guy in your life a gift he’ll never forget, give ‘em this: the Arrogant Bastard and Double Bastard beer bottle tumblers.

Joel Watson of Hijinks Ensue made this printable Valentine’s Day card that is oh-so-wrong if you think about it. If you don’t get this, then it’s obvious that you’ve never watched Star Wars before …

Link

Link via CakeWrecks

Just in time for Valentine’s Day – traffic officials in Chengdu, China, came up with this idea of making crossing a road more romantic:

A spokesman said the local traffic bureau wanted to give the crossing a romantic atmosphere because it was close to the Hejiang Pavilion, a popular dating venue for young couples.

"We want to make everybody who walks on it feel warmth and love from others," said the spokesman, adding that it was believed to be the first crossing of its kind in the whole country.

"We have two wishes – one, that all who walk on it experience long-lasting love and, two, that they obey traffic rules and cross safely."

Link

Artist Liz McGrath is selling personalized painted butcher knives just in time for Valentine’s Day. There are two designs, the one shown and one with a cute little mouse on the blade. Each cleaver comes with its own box. They’re only $25 and the perfect way to tell that special someone “till death do us part.”

Link Via BoingBoing