Crazy Things I Have Done While Partying With One-Year-Olds

The baby just turned one.  The whole experience has got me thinking about how crazy I have become.  I mean I have always been a little bit nuts, but I think having children has really driven me over the edge.

Below is a list of crazy things I have done while partying with a one-year-old. In my defense, the 4-year-old and 2-year-old encouraged me to do it!

1. I have wrapped presents for them. Yes, I wrapped presents for a 1-year-old child that has no concept what a present is or how to open it.  The only thing they are remotely interested in doing is eating the paper.

2. I have sugared them up before bed time. I broke the cardinal rule and sugared up my own kids before bed.  I know there are some studies out there that claim sugar really does nothing to children, but I, for one, think they are lying.   Those studies must have been sponsored by the sugar industry. Anyone who has a given a kid sugary sweets before bed will tell you that sugar does make them crazy.

3. I encouraged them to smear food all over themselves just so I could get a picture. I basically beg and plead with the babies to mush up the cake.  I even give them their own birthday cakes just for this special task.  OK, I didn’t actually pay for the additional cake. The bakery I go to throws in the baby cake for free.  Apparently lots of us are crazy and want to teach our children to mush up cake with their fingers.  

The outcome is that all the usual screaming, “we are not animals please use your utensils”,  goes right out the window on the first birthday. I can’t very well encourage the baby to Hulk-smash her mini-birthday cake and yell at my other kids for using their fingers.  

4. I let them try chocolate. I don’t wait to introduce chocolate like a sane or rational person would. The minute the pediatrician gives me the OK I provide the addictive stuff to them.  I’m the enabler. Worse still, I take pictures of them covered in chocolate fudge and ice cream cake.  These are the pictures that will horrify them at their wedding. People will wonder, what is that strange brown sticky stuff all over the baby. It’s cake people, it’s just cake.   

5. I have dressed them up in silly outfits that boldly state their age. No, of course I don’t announce to the world how old I am on every birthday, but that didn’t stop me from plastering a big “one” on the baby’s chest.  I’m pretty sure payback is coming in the form of a t-shirt that says, “I’m not 50.  I’m $49.95.” I am also pretty sure I know who will make it for them. Husbands are such traitors.

6. I thrown parties for them. I throw parties for pint sized little beings who hate strangers. By strangers I mean anyone who doesn’t actually live with us.  My babies consider every one suspect for at least an hour.  Sometimes they hate you for longer.  

7. I have tried to make them wear silly hats. I should clarify that I haven’t just tried to make them wear silly hats.  I have spent hours burning my fingers with a hot glue gun trying to make the most perfect 1st birthday hat ever.  That birthday hat lasted about .2 seconds after which the baby ripped it from her head and chucked it on the floor.

8. I placed flaming objects before them. OK, it’s really more like taunting them with lit candles.  You hold these beautiful flickering lights just out of their reach and continuously hold their arms down and yell at them not to touch because they are dangerous.

9. I have danced and made silly faces while surrounded by at least 20 people. I normally make a fool out of myself on accident. This happens much more often then I would like to admit. On birthday day, however, I do it on purpose. I’ll sing any silly song or make any face to get the birthday baby to smile and I don’t care how many people are around.

10. I have given them toys to help them learn to walk. This is by far the craziest thing I have ever done. I have given my wonderfully sweet non-walking babies training devices to help them learn to run from me.  In a few months time they will use these skills to run from me in malls and grocery stores.