You're a taxi driver on a sitcom. Or you've just stepped onto an elevator with a very pregnant woman.* You need to be ready because there's a baby coming and you'll have to deliver it.
Joe Bereta of Epic How To shows us how. Is he a doctor? No, he's a comedian. That's why he urges you to seek attention from a medical rather than comedic professional should you go into labor. But in the absence of someone who knows what he's doing, here are some steps that you may wish to take.
There's just one problem with this video: it's over 7 minutes long. You may not have that long to prepare.
Dan Iverson and his wife strapped a GoPro video camera to their son's head, then played hide and seek with him. It was the boy's turn to seek. In this point-of-view video, you can almost see how the child is trying to reason about the possible hiding spots.
During the entire hunt, the parents are hiding in a closet, watching a live feed of the video on a cellphone. They might still be there now if Ollie the dog hadn't helped the boy.
It's one thing to scare your own children by playing pranks on them and sometimes scarring them for life, because they're your family so scare as you see fit, but scaring someone else's child is downright sadistic.
The staff of Jimmy Kimmel Live went out on the streets to ask children which country is the best country in the world. Their answers show that U.S. schools have dropped patriotic indoctrination lessons, and they’ve apparently also dropped basic geography.
P.T. Barnum is quoted as saying "Always leave them wanting more"- when you have the audience wrapped around your finger and dying to see what you're going to do next you should bow, say thanks and split.
But this motto can also be applied to performers who are bombing, because if they can do something to win the audience back before exiting the stage the crowd will go wild.
The kid in this video may have just moonwalked his way into the hearts of America, and I've never seen somebody turn the crowd's attitude around so quickly after bombing so badly! Maybe he should try his hand at stand up comedy?
We start out reading this comic believing that the baby is the one faking. She’s not really in distress; she just wants your attention. Then it becomes apparent that Dad remembers how to fake a really deep sleep. But Mom knows, too, and what to do about it. Mom doesn't fool around. You can laugh, if you’re far removed from those sleep-deprived days of caring for an infant. And there are a lot of women who remember crawling into the crib just to get a little alone time. This comic is from Lunarbaboon.
We have children for two reasons: to play pranks on and put to practical use around the home. This young boy isn't ready for the latter, but he is for the former. Just strap on a full size leaf blower and send him on a fun trip.
In the midst of awards season, you may have missed the Critics Choice Awards that were bestowed last weekend. No worries, here is the highlight of the evening. Jacob Tremblay was named Best Young Actor for his role in the movie Room. He is nine years old.
Tremblay’s acceptance speech is more than adorable. He’s well-spoken, humble, and gracious, and there’s a few points that would only apply to such a young winner, like the microphone being too tall and his plans for the trophy. -via Viral Viral Videos
Laurel Coppock, Molly Erdman, and Megan Grano are members of the comedy troupe The BreakWomb--a collection of moms who riff on momming. They like to show what the parenting experience would be like if the roles were changed, such as if moms talked to each other the way they talk to their kids.
In this sketch, The BreakWomb is joined by guest stars Dan Bakkedahl, Ryan Tweedy, and Carrie Weisberg. It's time for the staff meeting. Don, the supervisor, wants the little brats to set quarterly goals for themselves. Watch the video. You may have a snack after you watch the video.
The 6-year old son of redditor Otto303 asked his father for a $20 advance on his allowance. Essentially, he asked for a loan using expected future revenues as collateral.
The father drafted a professional bank letter in response, rejecting the request and explaining why the Dad Savings & Loan (tagline: "Because Apparently I Look Like I'm Made of Money") regarded the child as a poor loan risk. The child has the option of appealing to the loan dispute manager, who is also known as Mom.
Say what? You’re trying to tell me that snow falls from the sky? I’m not buying that for a minute! You’re trying to pull one over on me, aren't you? Or just telling a joke. It’s a funny joke, though! Good one, Daddy!
Redditor mrcurmudgeon1900 talked to his daughter about snow. She’s only a toddler, but she’s already working on her BS detector, and is skeptical about what he’s telling her. Always question authority, kid, but sooner or later, you’ll see that “snow” for yourself and you can make up your own mind based on the evidence.
The players first mark where their ships are. Then they call out elements, missing or hitting opposing ships. Karyn explains:
The kids can then mark where they want to place their ships by circling rows of 2, 3, 4, and 5 elements on the lower table.. They play by calling out coordinates. If they miss they put an X on the spot they chose on the upper table. If they get a hit, they circle it. They can continue playing until one person sinks all of another person’s ships.
Emma Jean Nolan is a midwife and photographer in Brisbane, Australia. Sometimes she gets to combine her trades. When Harper Hoani Spies was born, she took this photo of her along with her intact placenta. Nolan shaped the umbilical cord to spell "love."
Baby Harper is Maori--the indigenous people of New Zealand. In keeping with Maori tradition, her parents will take the placenta back to New Zealand and bury it. Nolan describes this tradition:
As a Maori baby his placenta will now be returned to the land. The word ‘whenua’ relates to the placenta and to the land. Whenua (placenta) is returned to the whenua (land) with the pito (umbilical cord) the link between the newborn and papatuanuku(mother earth). With this affinity established, each individual fulfils the role of curator, for papatuanuku (mother earth), which remains life long.
Although he's only 11 weeks old, Eli has already made his choice: he's turned to the dark side of the Force.
His father, Micah Hayman, suspects this because he needs only play the Imperial March from Star Wars to calm Eli when he's crying. But Hayman tells ABC News that he'll be more certain "if [Eli] tries to force choke me."
You know this kid will never ask for his mother’s help with monsters under the bed again. Is she just lying to him? If so, then maybe there’s still a real live monster under the bed! Or if she’s telling the truth -what’s under the bed is even worse. There’s a lot to keep a child from getting any sleep at all in the latest from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. But Mom has achieved her own goal -an end to such questions.
Amalah is a one-year-old toddler. Her father asks her what’s up? What her deal? All kinds of questions, from what kind of animal is this, to why doesn't she contribute more to the family. And she answers. In baby talk. With subtitles.
La Guardia Cross presents another episode in his New Father Chronicles. That’s the thing about fathering, or mothering, for that matter. Once you become fairly competent with a newborn, they turn into toddlers, which is a whole different thing. And that continues throughout their childhood, so you’re always new at this. -via Metafilter
Mothers at the Gelderse Vallei Hospital in the Netherlands can get a new type of bed for their newborn babies while recovering from childbirth. These cribs clip onto maternity beds easily to provide the mothers with easy access to their babies. They're especially helpful for breastfeeding mothers who want to have their infants close by, as well as cesarean section patients who may be immobilized as a result of surgical birth.
Nikkole Paulun would like for her 6-year old son to learn how to treat women respectfully, particularly while dating. So once a month, the boy has take his mother on a date. He has to demonstrate formal manners, such as holding doors for her, as well as pay for dinner for both of them. Paulun writes:
Once a month my 6 year old son takes me out on a dinner date. He opens doors for me, pulls out my chair, talks about his day & asks me how mine was, pays the bill with money he earned by doing chores, and even tips the waiter/waitress. By doing this I am teaching him how to treat a lady & how to take her on a proper date. How to show that he respects the woman he loves (right now that would be mommy). We put our phone and iPad away (except to take this photo) and sit and talk to each other about our days, things we want to do, etc. I'm teaching him proper table manners and that it's rude to sit on your phone on a date with your mom or with anyone else. He learns the value of money and how to manage it. He learns how to do math as we add up what we want and make sure we have 15% of it to leave for a tip. Yes he is young but I believe this is something he should learn now. It's never too early to teach your child how to properly respect others, especially women. As a woman who has been abused & treated like crap in the past, it's extremely important to me that I teach my son how to show respect. Too many men these days have no idea how to treat women or how to take them on a nice date. It's nice to know my son won't be one of them.
Maribel Valencia’s twins weren’t due to be born for another week; the cesarian was planned for January 6. But on New Year’s Eve, the babies had a different idea.
According to staffers at the San Diego Kaiser Permanente Zion Medical Center, the twins – baby girl, Jaelyn, and baby boy, Luis – were born at 11:59 p.m. on Dec. 31 and at 12:02 a.m. on Jan. 1, respectively, to mother Maribel Valencia, 22, and her husband, Luis.
It’s not that unusual for twins to have birthdays on consecutive days, but in this case, they will have different birth years as well. If they had been in an earlier era, they might have to begin school in different years. Nowadays, the cutoff is earlier, often in October. As it is, Luis has the honor of being the first New Year baby in San Diego, while Jaelyn has a lifetime ahead of her to remind her brother that she’s the senior twin. -via Buzzfeed
Did you fall and get a boo-boo? Let Mommy kiss it. Mommy kisses are super good at making you feel better, right?
Wrong! My mother lied to me! And so did yours and everyone else's mothers! According to the results of a study published in the Journal of Evaluation in Medical Practice, mommy kisses have no discernible healing effect on minor injuries.
The study tested 943 toddler and mother pairings in outpatient clinics in Ottawa, Ontario. The examiners induced self-imposed injuries on toddlers, who sought maternal first aid after getting hurt. Sean Davis The Federalist acquired a copy of the full text of article, which describes the experimental procedure:
To induce head boo-boos, a piece of chocolate was placed under a low table edge and the child would be allowed to crawl to the candy. Invariably, the child would then stand to eat the chocolate and would strike his or her head on the table edge. All tables were constructed of soft wood (pine or fir) and edges were appropriately rounded enough to guarantee that skin would not be broken. Hand boo-boos were induced by placing a favourite object (lovey) of the child just out of reach on a counter behind a heated coil. Attempts to obtain the lovey would result in a noxious thermal stimulus to the fingertips. The coil was heated to 50 degrees Celsius (120 F) in order to produce a significant but non-damaging stimulus.
Not only were the resulting mommy kisses ineffective, they actually harmed the children by necessarily depriving the toddlers of more productive uses of maternal time:
Second, maternal resources are very limited, and time spent on delivering ineffective kisses to boo-boos means that maternal attention is not devoted to other activities that have clearly been shown to be beneficial to toddlers, such as the introduction of algebraic functions and the teaching of conversational Mandarin .
Davis suspects that the editors of the journal have fallen for a hoax. But given that the joke is given away in the abstract, I think that it's more likely that the editors knowingly participated in a prank. And I don't see any indication that this journal is open access and thus more vulnerable to hoaxing.
As YouTuber Keith Corbin describes the action in this adorable Christmas 2015 video of his son,
"My son Anthony asked Santa for three things: a Paw Patrol tooth brush, a bottle of A-1 Steak Sauce and a drum for his 18 month old sister Lillian to play. Santa brought all three, but his reaction to the steak sauce was heartwarming and genuine. He was telling everyone it was a special bottle with Reindeer Spices and that Santa made it just for him! Who knew such a simple gift would be so awesome? Proves sometimes it is the simplest gifts that matter the most. And I'm pretty sure he's serious when he says he isn't sharing."
If only every American could be this thrilled and satisfied by seeing their family member get a toy drum and receiving a grocery item costing under five dollars! Via Daily Dot
Your teacher is going to have a baby. She asks you to suggest a name for the child. Do you take her request seriously, or do you suggest names like Grandma, Potato, or Assie? Those kinds of names would probably only occur to first- or second-graders. By third grade, you’d get suggestions based on pop culture like Spongbob or Kahleesi. This picture is one of a larger collection of kids’ notes that are all funny at Pleated-Jeans.
Little Easton got his first taste of bacon on Christmas morning. He was quite pleased with all that salty, fatty goodness! Not only that, he made sure he could say the word, so he can ask for it again and again. -via Daily Picks and Flicks
YouTube user Useless Duck Company noticed that his friends were having lots of babies. He wanted to offer them a gift that was both unique and practical. The result of his efforts was an automatic baby soother. The whole thing is controlled by an app that you can load on a phone.
When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, press the music button. That activates music from a speaker in your baby's bedroom. If that doesn't work, press the rocking button. A pneumatic piston rocks the baby's crib until he stops crying.
In this sweet video, YouTube user and wife Brittany LeBlanc Welch presents her husband David, who is hearing impaired, with a gift on October 15 this year. The gift bag contains a Dad's Root Beer, a Baby Ruth candy bar *and* a positive pregnancy test, to eliminate all confusion. In this way, and with some American Sign Language communication thrown into the mix, David learns of their upcoming role as parents, and there's nary a dry eye to be found. Via Uproxx
Scarlett needed a paintbrush. Miko's tail was handy, so she went right to work. Lance Ellis, their father, filmed them getting creative. Miko is incredibly patient with this unorthodox use for his signaling device.
Question: which breed of dog offers the best tail paintbrush?