I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) February 12, 2014
There are a lot of angry people on Twitter. But there are also a lot of funny people on Twitter. You're better of reading the latter rather than the former. Rob Fee does and he's rounded up the 100 funniest tweets of the past year.
Nancy Grace is what would happen if a Caps Lock key came to life
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 30, 2014
[Hostage situation] Um I don't want to be "that hostage", but I just want to let you know I have a gluten allergy.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 15, 2014
Way to ruin the surprise, Spanish exclamation points.
— Steve Mieczkowski (@IGotsSmarts) August 22, 2014
Don't call 'em soft pretzels you don't know what they've been through.
— George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) May 5, 2014
Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) July 3, 2014
There’s gotta be a few seconds during a bear attack where the bear is huggin you and you’re just like “aww.”
— Pony Starwars (@tigersgoroooar) October 27, 2014
-via Super Punch