Horrible Movie Review for A Talking Cat!?!

The A.V. Club discusses the new movie A Talking Cat!?! just released on video, featuring Eric Roberts as the voice of Duffy, a talking cat. The article first discusses the career arc of Roberts (Julia Roberts' older brother) who cranks out dozens of independent films every year. The review of the direct-to-video feature A Talking Cat!?! compares it to The Room for plain awfulness, which only makes me want to rent it to see how long I can watch it. The review is most likely more entertaining. Spoilers ahead.

It’s not enough for a character to say he’s driving somewhere. No, we need to follow a single boring car on an unexceptional road all the way from its start to its destination, with nothing remotely non-tedious occurring along the way. I suppose that I should just be happy this isn’t occurring in real time and that there isn’t a half hour of Whitaker driving cautiously on an empty road to his destination.

Then again, Cat has about 12 minutes’ worth of plot, so it has to dole it out sparingly. Duffy acts as something of a feline Amelie who uses his magical powers of speech and his gifts as a “human whisperer” to set up the pouty teenaged boy with the obnoxious girl he’s tutoring in English. A Talking Cat?!? inspires so little sympathy for its characters, human or otherwise, that when Duffy gets hit by a car in the third act, I was actually rooting for his death, and I say that as an inveterate cat lover. But astonishingly, the worst and craziest is yet to come.

After Duffy is hit by a car, he hovers close to death, Dannas conveniently remembers what Duffy told him about the magical collar under the magical tree in the magical forest. They slap the magical collar on Duffy and through the magic of terrible, terrible special effects, Duffy roars back to life in time for a film-wide happy ending. Reportedly, A Talking Cat?!? cost $1 million, which makes me wonder where the other $990,000 went. It sure as shit isn’t on the screen.

This sounds like it might be a contender for the Golden Turkey Awards, if it ever gets seen by anyone. The review has a couple of clips you do not want to miss. Link -via Metafilter


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