Yes, these are fleams. What's a fleam, you ask? Why, just step right up, my friend, and I will tell you. Fleams are the latest thing in bloodletting. Are your humours out of balance? Got too much blood in your body? Put those leeches away. They're positively medieval!
Fleams are the answer. Baldness? Impotence? Bloating? Chicken pox? Foul moods? Trouble with your in-laws? Thrown from a horse? Get yourself a set of fleams and go to work.
You need fleams, yes you do. Probably coming soon to the NeatoShop, I expect. They're the perfect Christmas stocking stuffers. Step right up and get your set!
Don't take my word for it! Commenters, share how fleams changed your lives.