Paypal Wedding: Being Asked to Contribute Cash Irks Some Guests


Vanessa Caldwell and Cole Parker of Atlanta are still ironing out the last minute details of their wedding, including the choice of dessert as well as table settings. One thing they haven't had any problems deciding on: who will pay for the wedding.

Vanessa and Cole, both on their second marriages, have set up a website and Paypal account asking for monetary contributions in lieu of the traditional housewares. Traditionalists cry foul.

In light of the current economy, 60% of brides to be surveyed on felt it acceptable to set up a cash bar to help with the costs of the wedding.  But in the same survey, 80% of respondents felt it was bad form to request cash to help defray wedding costs.

“I don’t care if it’s a tough economy or not, it’s incredibly rude to ask your honored, treasured guests to pay for your party,” said Teresa Duggan, owner of The Etiquette School in Cumming. “It’s like saying, ‘I want you to come to my wedding but please pay for my Cinderella dreams.’”

Some etiquette experts say asking for cash gifts is not rude if done tactfully. But for many, asking guests to pay for the wedding reception itself crosses the line — a little like marrying a guy you just met in Vegas.

From the Upcoming ueue, submitted by Geekazoid.

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To give gifts of money because you want to do that - fine with me. To actively solicit money is tacky but to project the names of all your "contributors" on a wall at the reception? Ouch.
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If guests did not ask to be invited, then why should they be asked to pay just so the couple can have a lavish wedding? For that, I can go out to an elegant restaurant of my choice.

If the couple cannot afford a lavish wedding party, then they should either opt for something affordable, or save up. Guests are the ones they chose to invite. It's like telling them, if you want to come, you have to pay.

I would however give a giftcard so they can buy what they need but that's my choice.

If anyone ever invited me but told me I had to pay, I would definitely decline and just wish the couple well.
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if people choose to give money as a gift, i'm sure the couple would be just as happy, but to outright ask to help contribute for the wedding, very tacky. in my grandparent's country they ask people to be 'godparents'for the cake, dress,rings,music, etc. very low class. when i was getting married, my future sister in law asked, after we asked her to be in our wedding, 'what do you want me to be godparent of?'
i said 'nothing, nevermind, i have changed my mind, you're out. i find that insulting of you. we wanted you in our wedding, to be a part of our special day, that was not the reason i asked you. bye.
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In the chinese culture, 'wedding gifts' are always in the form of cash in red envelopes. They are considered as a blessing to the couple who is getting married. It is no secret that every couple hopes to collect enough 'blessings' to cover the cost. The bottom line is, cash is a much more practical gift to give the couple as you know they will definitely need it. Why be remembered as the guest who gave the vase that doesn't match when you can be remembered as the guest who helped make their honeymoon less painful to pay for?
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Don't Judge your Bride and Groom. I give money anyway. If it helps them in any way then I have given a gift that is appropriate. Come on Ladies and Gents. What crime is it to help a loved one to have her dream. Unless you aren't a friend or loved one, you decide. Are you willing to be Judge and Jury and find your loved one guilty of having a dream that she obviously just wants to be able to share with you. look you will give a gift anyway as should be. But you won't support your friends/loved one? If you were going to spend 20.00 on a gift that they don't need. Whats the difference. You have saved them the time and gas money it would take to return it and they get to enjoy their big beautiful dream wedding with you...the gift that matters most. Snap out of it People! It is now 2009 and anything goes. The only thing that I find unacceptable here is the quick willingness of people to Judge. It is not our God given right. Give the gift, Go to the Wedding, Enjoy what you have given along with your Loved ones and relish in the feeling that you made a girls dream come true. dreams are hard to come by these days and what better gift. God bless this Couple. From a stranger who couldn't afford a single dream.
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