Eight Patron Saints You May or May Not Need

Posted by Stacy in Everything Else, Neatorama Only, Religion on July 7, 2008 at 2:00 pm


You might know the name Cabrini – Cabrini-Green in Chicago is pretty infamous for being a rough public housing development. I’m sure the development’s namesake, Frances Xavier Cabrini, AKA Mother Cabrini, would be pretty disheartened to know this if she were still around today. Today is the day Mother Cabrini was canonized (made into a saint) by Pope Pius XII and was made the patron saint of immigrants due to her work with Italian immigrants in the Cabrini-Green area. This particular designation makes sense, but some of the occupations, places and ailments that are assigned patron saints are pretty obscure (and some are almost humorous). I thought I would share a few.

Lidwina, patron saint of ice skaters


Little 14-year-old Lidwina of Schiedam, the Netherlands, was ice skating when she fell and broke a rib. She never recovered and became increasingly paralyzed until nothing would work except for her left hand. Also, she apparently shed pieces of herself, including skin, bones and intestines. Her parents kept these bits in a vase (obviously). She was officially canonized on March 14, 1890, and became the patron saint of ice skaters.

Albinus of Angers, patron saint against pirate attacks


Albinus had a big heart (as saints tend to have) and couldn’t resist a call of distress. He used church money to free hostages from pirates. Obviously, pirate attacks aren’t very common today, but in the 10th century, St. Albinus came in handy for the people of the walled town of Guerande. They had gotten word that pirates were on their way to attack the village and immediately started to pray to St. Albinus. The attackers were mysteriously deterred and the town was saved.

Domninus of Fidenza, patron saint against rabies


Legend says Domninus died in 304 A.D. when he was beheaded for converting to Christianity and carrying a cross through Piacenza. Supposedly he picked up his head and left it on the site where he wanted his cathedral to be built. This doesn’t explain why invoking his name is thought to cure rabies, but nonetheless, this information would have been really helpful when Michael Scott was planning the Michael Scott Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run for the Cure.

Expeditus, patron saint against procrastination


AKA Saint Elpidius, Expeditus was also beheaded in the early 300s. He decided to become a Christian and the devil showed up in the form of a crow, telling him that he could wait until tomorrow to convert. Expeditus stamped the crow under his feet and insisted that he would become a Christian today. That’s it; as of tomorrow I am going to start sending prayers up to Expeditus.

Apollonia, patron saint of dentists


I have a bit of an aversion to dentists, so Apollonia’s story makes me cringe: when she was tortured for her Christian beliefs, part of the torture included having all of her teeth either pulled out or smashed out. Ugh. When you see her represented in artwork, it’s usually with some pincers holding a tooth. The tooth glows as if holy.

Drogo, patron saint of coffee brewers, coffee house owners and unattractive people


Rumor had it that Drogo could bilocate – be in two different places at the same time. People saw him hard at work in the fields at the same time others saw him at church. At some point he came down with an illness that left him incredibly deformed and the villagers were scared of him. They built him a cell attached to the church and Drogo stayed there for about forty years, with nothing to sustain him but the Eucharist, barley and water, which I think must be the connection to coffee.

George, patron saint of… a lot


Saint George is a busy guy. He is the patron saint of agricultural workers, archers, armorers, boy scouts, butchers, cavalry, Crusaders, equestrians, farmhands, farmers, field hands, field workers, Freemasonry, horseman, husbandry, husbandmen, knights, riders, Rover Scouts, saddle makers, saddlers, scouts, shepherds, soldiers, Teutonic Knights, Canada, England, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Lithuania, Malta, Moldova, Portugal, Russia, Serbia, Montenegro, Ethiopia, Aragon, Catalonia and Moscow.

Mungo, patron saint of Glasgow, Scotland and salmon


For you Harry Potter readers, there really was a St. Mungo. Well, officially his name was Kentigern. “Mungo” was a nickname that meant “dear one”. That’s him lording over the Glasgow coat of arms, and the coat of arms is actually made after four miracles Mungo performed – bringing a dead bird back to life, starting a fire with tree branches, bringing a bell from Rome and saving a Queen from death by finding her ring inside a fish in the river. I guess that’s why he’s the patron saint of salmon. Update: Reader aristan says Glasgow was a salmon-fishing village pre-Mungo, so there you have it. My guess was wrong!


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24 comments to "Eight Patron Saints You May or May Not Need"

  1. Miss Cellania
    July 7th, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    To link two post on this page together, here's the Patron Saint of Bacon.
    http://www.yesbutnobutyes.com/archives/2008/05/the_patron_sain.html

  2. CheeseDuck
    July 7th, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    Hail Expeditus!

  3. cooties
    July 7th, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    Would he be 'Expeditus the Expeditious'?

    Perhaps one day the Catholic church will get around to proclaiming a feast day in his honour.

  4. aristan
    July 7th, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    My last name is Mungo & my heritage is Scottish, so I personally think St Mungo is the coolest on the list. I mean, how many saints are the patrons saint of people accused of breaking commandments? (He's the patron of those who have been accused of Adultery. That's where the ring in the fish comes in. He proved she was faithful.)

    The Coat of Arms of Glasgow is interesting because It has a saying by him on the bottom that has been edited to be secular. The original was "Lord, let Glasgow flourish by the preaching of the word," but it's been edited down to simply "Let Glasgow Flourish".

    When Harry Potter first introduced St Mungo's, I got so many phone calls on the release date letting me know that "I" was in the new book. I've been thinking of getting a St Mungo's (HP Version) tattoo.

  5. aristan
    July 7th, 2008 at 3:25 pm

    And to add to my post - St Mungo is the patron saint of salmon because Glasgow was a salmon fishing village before he built his Monastery there.

  6. raoul
    July 7th, 2008 at 3:42 pm

    pirate attacks are alive and well thank you. aarrrrgh.

  7. The Manticore
    July 7th, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    So if salmon want a good spawn where they don't get eaten by bears, they pray to Saint Mungo?

  8. sd
    July 7th, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    i saw that painting of apollonia at the louvre, it was gorgeous and ive remembered her ever since!

  9. the lord
    July 7th, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    fu*k u saints lol

  10. Polx
    July 7th, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    I was born and raised in Glasgow so from an early age was very familiar with the coat of arms and less so with the legends, which have never made any sense.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasgow#Heraldry

    the coat of arms rerads like a testament to failure.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Glasgow_Coat_of_Arms.png

    Here is the bird that never flew
    Here is the tree that never grew
    Here is the bell that never rang
    Here is the fish that never swam

    Mungo was meant to have brought a wee bird back from the dead, some old nonsense about usign a tree to make a fire not go out and somehow this was the tree not growing...creative accountancy if nothing else.
    The bell I don't understand at all, as it was meant to be from rome...but was mute.
    And the fish who retrieved the ring of some queen accused of putting it about a bity.

    Now the repeated stuff about how each never did what it was meant to has always struck me as guff, as in most instances they did, and the rest it didn't seem to matter.

    I like it all though as it says something about the deliberately contrary nature of a lot of Glaswegians.

    my dear green place indeed.

  11. Alex
    July 7th, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    I invoke Expeditus daily, but for some unknown reason, procrastination wins out in the end ...

  12. RM
    July 7th, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    Albinus is currently unemployed.

  13. gonzilla
    July 7th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    All this time I thought Apollonia was a made name by Prince (he does go by Prince again, right?).

  14. Moon
    July 7th, 2008 at 9:14 pm

    Right. Saints. As I understand it, you can talk to the Big Cheese directly. You don't need any middleman. It's also my understanding that Big Cheese knows all, without you having to do anything. So why even bother?

  15. clairmonde
    July 8th, 2008 at 4:40 am

    Saint Clare - the Patron Saint of Television - is my personal fav.

  16. GoodBuddy
    July 8th, 2008 at 5:54 am

    Vitus - Patron Saint of dance.

  17. Art Waite
    July 8th, 2008 at 8:20 am

    St. Leonard - patron saint of target and defensive shooters.

  18. Hiram
    July 8th, 2008 at 10:59 am

    St. George the patron saint of Freemasonry? I've been a member of the Craft for more than 20 years and its the first I've heard of it.
    Masonic Lodges (at least those in the United States) are "dedicated to the Holy Saints John - John the Baptist and John the Evangalist.

  19. Worrymon
    July 8th, 2008 at 11:44 am

    Saint Nicholas (yes, Santa) is, in addition to being the patron saint for children, sailors, prisoners and the City of Amsterdam is also the patron saint of prostitutes.

  20. Carl
    July 9th, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    Moon - aahhhh one of the many differences between Catholicism and the entirety of the rest of Christianity (Protestants)!

  21. Leon
    July 10th, 2008 at 4:56 pm

    St. Dismas is the patron saint of thieves.

  22. chumpman
    August 1st, 2008 at 9:47 am

    The names are funny enough. How about St Columba? Heard of him?

  23. Cool Matt
    November 26th, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    That is the most hilarious thing I've seen in a while. I'd like submit St. Bill, the Patron Saint of reducing credit card debt.

  24. :) :o
    March 10th, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    aweeeeeeesoooooooommmmmmmmmeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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