Save the Planet, Drink Rats' Milk!

Posted by Alex in Animal, Food & Drinks on November 21, 2007 at 2:30 am


Heather Mills, former Beatle Paul McCartney’s estranged wife claimed that 80% of global warming comes from livestock and deforestation. To save the planet, she has a pretty specific suggestion: drink rats’ milk!

Ms Mills said that livestock created far more carbon emissions than transport, so we should go vegan – someone who eats no meat or dairy produce – or at least find something else to put in tea or coffee.

At Speakers Corner in Hyde Park, central London, she said: "There are many other kinds of milk available. Why don’t we try drinking rats’ milk and dogs’ milk?"

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17 comments to "Save the Planet, Drink Rats' Milk!"

  1. cg
    November 21st, 2007 at 3:01 am

    Alas, the writers of the Simpsons already explored that possibility.

  2. Vako
    November 21st, 2007 at 4:03 am

    If she wants to drink milk from disease vectors, shhhhhh... let her.

    (You know)...

  3. Louise
    November 21st, 2007 at 9:33 am

    Ah, Paul, don't be sad. We don't hold the temporary insanity of your second marriage against you.

  4. Pamela
    November 21st, 2007 at 9:35 am

    What a complete waste of space she is if she kept her trap shut the carbon emissions would be NIL... She drives a gas guzzler anyway..

  5. Xinavera
    November 21st, 2007 at 9:55 am

    Estranged wife? Or just strange wife?

  6. DrJones
    November 21st, 2007 at 11:08 am

    I don't know about you, but I've tried and my fat fingers just can't get a good grip...if you know what I mean. Have they developed an automated system as they have with real livestock?

    Which reminds me of one of my favorite jokes: Have you ever smelled moth balls?

    Really? I could never get the legs apart!

  7. Alex
    November 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am

    Xinavera: Apparently both! :)
    DrJones: Well, here's a parody website for you: Federation of Rodent Cheesemakers

  8. L
    November 21st, 2007 at 12:37 pm

    Large-scale rat and dog dairy farming would eventually cause the same kinds of environmental problems, wouldn't it?

    Never mind the fact that it's disgusting.

  9. winslow
    November 21st, 2007 at 12:38 pm

    an odd tactic, sure, but right is right.

  10. cc
    November 21st, 2007 at 1:17 pm

    It's only disgusting because you see rats as plague infesting vermons, and dogs as man's best friend. Tell me the difference between a cow, a rat and a dog besides what is culturally accepted. They're animals. It doesn't matter. You'd be surprised how many people think beef is weird, or even lamb in others cultures. You probably think breast milk is gross, yet you still wouldn't mind sucking on a few.

    In the end soy is the better alternative, it takes a while to find one that tastes good. I found one which tastes like fudgesicles = booya grandma, booya.

  11. John Giotta
    November 21st, 2007 at 3:08 pm

    So if livestock is the problem then does the answer mean we should eliminate all animals?

    @cc - Do the math; how many rats would it take fill a half gallon carton of milk? Regardless of preference in mammal milk you prefer; cattle seem to optimal size for stock, cheaply fed, and produce a significant amount of milk for the masses (plus easily herded... try being a ratboy).

  12. Sid Morrison
    November 21st, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Frickin' gimpy gold-digger.

  13. jenjen
    November 21st, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    Rats? No! Vats! We need to be moving toward in vitro production of things like meat and milk and other animal products. With advances in tissue culture and stem cells, we should be able to raise milk-producing cells in culture and grow bacon in nice sandwich sized sheets. Fur can grow like astroturf in big fields. We just need to stop wasting all our great scientific minds on curing stupid diseases and redirect them to pay more attention to food and luxury consumer goods. Priorities, people.

  14. Akiro
    November 22nd, 2007 at 2:07 am

    Cow poo does cause a heck of a lot of methane emissions, but its really more of an untapped fuel than a problem. They use it as fuel in some "3rd world" countries.

    As for going vegan, no thankyou I have my turkey prepping for thanksgiving.

  15. DaveTurbo
    November 22nd, 2007 at 4:45 am

    As Holly said in Red Dwarf, the reason dog's milk lasts for ages is cos no bugger'll drink it. Ditto rat's milk.

    There are a host of 6th form satire jokes to be made about HMM "milking" anything, I'm just too jaded to write them up here. Enough of this woman, she displeases me.

    Guards!!

  16. Mindpimp
    November 22nd, 2007 at 11:06 am

    Did you hear Paul McCartney got his ex-wife a plane for christmas? He got her a ladyshave for the other leg.

    What's the life expectancy of a rat going to be like as compared to a dairy cow? I can't help but think of the difficulty of rounding the little buggers up and attaching machinery to their teats, perhaps you should round them up with cats and round the cats up with dogs and milk the lot of them.

  17. Holly 9000
    November 24th, 2007 at 4:09 am

    The advantage of dog's milk is it tastes exactly the same after it's gone off as when it's fresh.


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