What If Jack Bauer Was a Environment-Loving Lefty

Daniel Chun, a writer for The Simpsons, found out that they’ve cast liberal activist, comedian and actress Janeane Garofalo on Fox’s hit (and conservative) show 24.

So he got to work imagining how the show would change to become more "environmentally friendly":

The terrorist shoots the driver in the face. He looks for another car. He spots a parked Prius–he smashes the window, gets in, and drives off. A beat later, a city bus rounds the corner. Jack Bauer is on board.

Int. Bus – CONTINUOUS

JACK BAUER
Follow that Prius! Can’t you drive any faster?

BUS DRIVER
If this is too slow for you, drive yourself.

JACK BAUER
And contribute eight thousand pounds of CO2 to the atmosphere? Then I’d be the worst terrorist of all. Ever think about that, [LOOKS AT NAMETAG] Doug?

Jack sees the Prius getting away. He holds his gun to the bus driver’s neck.

JACK BAUER (CONT’D)
Drive faster, dammit! I’m a federal agent.

BUS DRIVER
Okay, okay!

The bus driver guns the gas pedal. We see the speedometer hit 55, then climb towards 65.

JACK BAUER
Whoa, whoa! Does fuel efficiency mean nothing to you? Fifty-five is fast enough. Geez.

The bus slows down to 55.

Link – Thanks Ben Wasserstein!