This Won't Hurt a Bit: A Painlessly Short (and Incomplete) Evolution of Execution.

As long as there have been criminals, there have been governments thinking up novel ways to execute 'em. We don't know which of the following gruesome methods the Founding Fathers had in mind with that whole ban on "cruel and unusual punishment," but we know they had plenty to choose from.

Method: Crushing by Elephant
Deadly Debut: India, 4,000 years ago. (It's probably older, but recorded history doesn't go back that far.)


A wood engraving of an execution by elephant published
in the 1868 issue of Le Tour Du Monde. (Image Credit: Wikipedia)

Pachyderms aren't natural-born killers. However, with a little training (often involving practice coconuts), they'll gladly stomp on the head of a criminal. The ancient ritual, which spread nearly everywhere elephants were found, was still in use as recently as the early years of British colonization. Crushings were usually public spectacles administered by abnormally large elephants - just in case the audience didn't find the sight of an angry Dumbo squashing a human head scary enough.

Method: Crucifixion
Deadly Debut: Nobody knows for sure. Somewhere in the Middle East, probably in the 7th century B.C.E.


"Crux simplex", a simple wooden torture stake, according De Cruce Libri Tres by Justus Lipsius (1547-1606) (Image Credit: Wikipedia)

Although forever associated with one particular execution, crucifixion was the capital punishment method of choice in much of the ancient world. Marcus Licinius Crassus probably set the all-time record for crucifixions when, after defeating Spartacus in 71 B.C.E., he had an estimated 6,000 of the gladiator's rebel slaves crucified along the Appian Way. Roman emperor Constantine the Great banned the practice in 337 C.E., but it cropped up again in the 16th century, in such places as Japan and Mexico. Today, Catholics in Iztapalapa, Mexico, crucify themselves annually as a devotional practice, removing the nails before the fatal damage is inflicted.

Method: The Brazen Bull
Deadly Debut: Siciliy, during the tryannical reign of Phalaris (570 - 554 B.C.E.)

An idea worthy of a Bond villain, the tactic involved shutting victims inside the belly of a hollow, life-size brass bull and lighting a fire below it, essentially turning the apparatus into an oven.

Legend has it that a reed-based acoustic mechanism made the victims' screams sound like a bull's bellow, while the smoke from inside blew out its nose. As for Phalaris, he eventually got an inside look at his own device when he was overthrown by Telemachus and became the bull's next meal. (Image Credit: Medievality)

Method: Ling Chi
Deadly Debut: China, around the beginning of the Song Dynasty (10th century C.E.)

Outlawed in 1905, the Chinese practice known as "death by a thousand cuts" involved binding a victim to a pole and carving into his or her arms, torso, and legs. Strangely enough, while "ling chi" translates to "degrading and slow," it's also the name of a fungus known as "the mushroom of immortality."

[Note: Image from a film by Taiwanese artist Chen Chiej-jen called Lingchi - Echoes of a Historical Photograph, interesting article in Taipei Times (warning: gruesome images)]

Method: Cave of Roses
Deadly Debut: Sweden, during the Middle Ages (circa the 13th century C.E.)

Snakes in a cave! Part execution, part nightmare, the Cave of Roses required locking victims in a dark cave filled with a smorgasbord of venomous creatures and other unpleasant creatures. With no way to escape and no way to see, the condemned knew it was only a matter of time before their movements provoked some creepy crawly to deliver a fatal bite. The Cave of Roses was finally abolished in 1772, and fortunately, Sweden grew a lot more enlightened with time. Exactly 200 years later, it became one of the first major European nations to ban the death penalty completely.

Method: Keelhauling
Deadly Debut: Holland, 1560 (when it became part of Dutch naval laws, though it was probably used earlier)


Keelhauling (Image Credit: Everyday Life in Tudor Times)

Man overboard! A punishment specific to sailors, keelhauling meant tying a man with rope, dropping him off the front of a ship, then dragging him "across the keel" from bow to stern. A long haul took several minutes, during which time the victim would drown (though being dragged along the barnacle-covered hull certainly facilitated things). Shorter hauls, conducted for less severe crimes, left sailors scarred but alive - a practice that became popular with pirates as well as government navies.

Method: Spanish Donkey (or Wooden Horse)
Deadly Debut: Spain, 17th century


Wooden horse (Image Credit: The Salacious Historian's Lair)

Used both for torture and execution, the donkey was a big hit in the Spanish military. A naked victim was forced to straddle the apparatus, which was basically a vertical wood board with a sharp V-shape wedge on top. Weights were attached to the offenders' ankles or feet, pulling them down onto the sturdy wedge until the victims split in two. Despite the name no (non-human) animals were harmed in the making of this device.

Method: Guillotine
Deadly Debut: France, 1792


Executioner assistants dismantling the guillotine inside the Santé prison after the execution of French mass-murderer Marcel Petiot in 1946 (Image Credit: The Guillotine Headquarters)

Believe it or not, this menacing machine was created as a way of making executions less painful.

Dr. Joseph Ignace Guillotin (who lent his name to, but didn't invent, the contraption) was actually an anti-death-penalty activist who suggested it as a more "humane" form of execution. And he was right - to a point. While it was France's last form of capital punishment, "last" didn't come until 1977.

The article above is reprinted with permission from mental_floss magazine (Jan-Feb 2007 issue).

Don't forget to feed your brain, subscribe to the magazine and visit mental_floss' extremely entertaining website and blog!

Love Halloween and cosplay? Check out our Halloween Blog!

Could you not post links and pictures of torture and murder without warnings anymore? I read Neatorama expecting stuff about Legos and cool photography, not gore and violence. My kid reads this blog with me sometimes, please stop posting stuff like this. Thanks.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Noah, get a freaking break. You shouldn't let your kids use the internet unsupervised anyways ... and if so, then expect them to see stuff like this. You can't protect them forever you know.

Guess what Noah? Humans are cruel creatures. Even that idiotic book that lots of people read & worship (yes, the Bible) is filled with crazy crap like this. I'm betting that you're Christian ... and let's not forget that Christianity is not all lollipops and rainbows ... remember the Crusades? Hell ... remember during medieval times when the church would refuse service to those who were handicapped? Talk about cruel and screwed up.

Mankind is not without it's fair share of brutality ... you can sugarcoat it all you want, but at the end of the day ... the world is still a sick place.

I thoroughly enjoyed this post Neatorama! Thank you!

The Spanish Donkey sounds horrific!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
What about the Vikings and their "blood angel" torture method.

It was more of a morbid execution but the victims didn't died instantly and often begged for death.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
@biltmore

Nice tangent. I bet you are a blast at parties.

The good news is that there is a worldwide cult devoted to bringing this sort of stuff into the modern age. Check the pics from the torture guide already featured on Neatorama.

Crusades? You have to go back hundreds of years to smear. I can find you a link from two days ago.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Guess what Noah? Humans are cruel creatures. Even that idiotic book that lots of people read & worship (yes, the Bible) is filled with crazy crap like this. I’m betting that you’re Christian … and let’s not forget that Christianity is not all lollipops and rainbows … remember the Crusades? Hell … remember during medieval times when the church would refuse service to those who were handicapped? Talk about cruel and screwed up.

What in the hell are you babbling about, nutjob?
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
I agree with Noah : a warning may have been welcome ; I don't mind violent/sex pictures, but neatorama is gathering a wide audience, isn't it?

Hell, I just watched the Rambo 4 preview [lost some neurones doing it...]. All those methods are for sissys!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Bravo Biltmore for saying what the rest of us thought immediately upon reading Noah's post.

For Christ's sake people, stop trying to censor Neatorama. I am so sick of you people complaining endlessly, making the rest of us suffer for your prude beliefs. If you don't want your kids to discover the many cruel truths of the world, lock them in a room. Otherwise, here you go: www.disney.com.

Oh and good retort, Noah. God you people make me sick.

And Blacknimbus: Nice tangent?? Blast at parties?? What does any of that mean? Biltmore wasn't going off on a tangent; his post was just a response to a former poster. And blast at parties? Have you ever even been to a party?? I'm quite sure Noah hasn't. And I'll bet Biltmore's style of rational critique would actually make for interesting conversation over mugs of cheap beer.

Once again: If you don't like this site (sorry Alex, but you're doing a heck of a job, I'd say), go somewhere else. Because if this site is forced to dumb itself down - to water down the content so that uptight parents don't expose their kids to :shock: the harsh truth about the world - the greatness of this site will suffer.

To sum: This is a damned good site. Let's allow its creator to continue running things the way he deems best. And if it offends you, too bad.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
@ brayden simms

I agree. Neatorama shouldn't censor itself, if readers have a problem with what is being put up they have the option of not reading it or denying their kids from looking at it.

The internet is full of so much worse things then this. Get a life jeez!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
I appreciate everyone's concern and support. This issue of what should and shouldn't be on Neatorama have cropped up many times before. (I refer you to the arguments previously hashed over at Neatorama's Elephant Hanging post.)

I really didn't think this topic would offend anyone, but given the wide spectrum of readers that visit the blog, I'm not surprised. I think that the material presented (as well as the images, which are mostly historic illustrations anyway) aren't terribly shocking.

The aim of Neatorama is to give its readers interesting things to read. This means different things to different people. What is safe for some is boring for others, so I opt for a little derring-do every now and then, if only to keep the blog interesting. I'm sure that this will not be the last controversial post on Neatorama.

For all you loyal readers, my continued thanks for visiting the blog!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Elephants squishing heads? People being tortured by irons?

I'd just be happy if you could get that picture of the Oscar streaker off the bottom of this form. I'm soo tired of it.

Yup, I'd have to say Neatorama readers are pretty whiny lately. Sure it's gross, but I didn't think Neatorama was necessarily child-friendly when I first came here.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Elephants seem to be quite popular helpers (willing or not, who knows?) in human torture/execution. Thai prisons of the 17-1800's employed elephants. First the prisoner was placed inside a bamboo ball, which had iron spikes driven through the bamboo. The prisoner was then placed inside the ball, and the elephants and their mahouts engaged in a bit of morbid football. The prisoner rarely,if ever got out of that ball alive.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
I can see Noah's point, although I've never found anything objectionable at this site, and I've been a reader for a very long time. If there's something I don't care to read about I'll just scroll past it.

That said, do you think it would be possible for posts like this in the future to have a "continue reading" link after it's established what the post will be about? That way it would be possible for visitors like Noah to avoid being offended, while people like me can easily click through to get to the rest of the post.

Just a thought.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
These list are like a modern day Reader's Digest or one of those Mondo movies. Losts of amazing facts you never knew simply because they aren't very accurate.

For instance, there are no venomous insects in Sweden or anywhere in Scandinavia for that matter.

All good fun but it worries me a little that people get their historical education from these simplified believe it or not lists of nonsense.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
I changed it just for you, ted. And I suppose you're right: squishing of head by elephant and other torture methods are shocking.

Collin, that's a good idea but for formatting purposes (some larger Neatorama posts are tables within tables), it would be a nightmare for me to post. Don't get me started on CSS positioning, I'm strictly old-school when it comes to that. Tables all the way. :)

Storm, the Cave of Roses was abolished in 1772 by King Gustavus III of Sweden. The addler is a native venomous snake found in that country. (The article didn't mention venomous insect, rather venomous creatures).
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Noah, get a life! There is nothing on this site that a 7 year old shouldn't see and know about. This is not a site to evangelize your fundamentalist ignorance.

Martha Allen, Arlington, Virginia
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
If you have issues with anything that is posted on Neatorama you need a serious reality check. You see and experience much worse in your day to day activities, even in a grocery store. This is a fact of life. I can understand not wanting your children to see pornography or watch movies with bad language and violence, but your point is pretty ridiculous. If you don't like your children reading up on history that contains a few drawings depicting that history, don't let them use the Internet. Besides, if a child uses the Internet he or she is going to see a lot worse on very frequent occasions.

In other words, get a grip and your children are only a few readers that Neatorama may or may not lose. No big deal.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
This site rocks. I agree with the guy that runs this incredible site. I also agree with Chris Grooms. I'm a twelve year old and I really don't care if there is nudity or something far worse. Besides, some posts are really funny.

Oh, and one more thing..... WHERE'S THE CHINESE WATER TORTURE?!?
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
biltmore, et al.

I'm a Christian, and I had no problem with this topic. In fact, I found it quite interesting from a historical context. What I have a problem with is your attitude. Why do you find it necessary to insult people you don't agree with? I'd like to know what it is about us (i.e. Christians) that scares you so much that you feel the need to lash out. If you truly believe the Bible is an "idiotic book" and that we are fools, then aren't we harmless and not deserving of so much attention?

Also, Noah didn't ask for censoring the site. All he asked was for a warning. I don't see what the big deal is. What if Neatorama was posting Bible verses and pictures of Biblical events? I bet you'd be the one asking for the warning then. Censorship is fine by you when it is us being censored.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Atomic..... assuming that someone would want your beleifs censored, because he was lashing out at Noah whom he assumed was a christian, as many avengelical christians have done some fairly idiodic things, such as the family in Texas whom wanted to have the book Farenheit 411 because of a few "bad" words and the burning of the bible in the story, odd as it was a book about the DESTRUCTION of books, is stupid.

He may not beleive in the bible, and Jesus, but that doesn't mean he want's it to be censored, he just doesn't want you coming to his door spreading it like propaganda. So please, you have lashed out against Baltimore, whom lashed out at Noah. Noah also put up a weak argument, the whole warning is a fine idea, but as said kids will find out at somepoint, and this is what internet blocks are for.

Also, Noah's rebuttal was horrible, what are you babbling about nutjob?, he was reffering to how there is just as much, or more, violence and other bad happenings in Christian history, and the bible as there is in this.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Very interesting blog. I have read all the comments and i have to laugh at the most of them. Especially the ones about religion.

Religion on a whole is for the individual to believe and turn to in there time of need. I am not into any religion but i would not put any of them down for what they want to believe. I believe in solid facts and evidence, not stories or folk tales.

Keep up the good work with the site. Great read.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Interesting to read, though not a lot was new to me apart from some of the more absurd commentary.

Not wanting to stir the pot at all but I cannot resist mentioning the torture/death ritual of impaling a person on a stake as practised by Vlad Dracule (a real person, check your Romanian histories)...

Oh yeah, FYI, America (the land of the *rofl* free) still has over 2000 plus and counting books banned and unavailable for purchase that are freely available over here in backward commie loving Europe lol. I tried E-mailing a few of them over to friends by various methods but all I got was an FBI warning a few days later to cease and desist or risk being party to a felony.

Americans are mostly cool, but your government suxs
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
The title of this article (well, the "This Won't Hurt A Bit"part) is absolutely hilarious. However, the whiny readers who bitch about the site's content (sorry for that last one, I'm a very violent person. At least I have my sanity), those guys aren't too funny. I honestly don't like whiny people. When somebody starts whining, they've ruined my day.brayden simms and biltmore had a good point. Atomic and Noah need to shut 'em up.

Oh yeah, and Michealhas a point about The USA's government. It really does suck. But that doesn't mean I won't give up my dreams of being a fighter pilot!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
man people are hilarious.. fighting about who's right about what. here's what i have to say.. who cares?

dude with the kid- take some responsibility. weren't you the one navigating to the page? blame yourself for exposing your child, not the website. you don't want him reading "gruesome" stuff online, go to a different page. it's lot like this is the only website ever created. you want a warning? read the title of the article. that's what it's for. don't know what an execution is? also, not the website's fault.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
WOW! Crushed by a freaking elephant. Tarantino has a new movie idea now. Noah... Looks like you left your 'tolerance' at home. shouldn't tolerance mean tolerating everyone?
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
This site isn't entirely intended for children. If you've got a problem with the sites postings maybe your kids shouldn't be on the site?
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Biltmore,or what ever your name is, Gods' Word doesnt condone violence in any form, and not all churches are right, but, you really ought to be careful what you say, because guess what, "that book" is going to be the one that judges you when God requires your soul from you. So be careful, and read Acts 2:38
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Noah: if you dont like it, dont read it, thats cool, but you cant ask people to censor themselves just because u dont liike it or if you want to pretend to your kids that this world is good and nice allt he tie and its all roses. It is only throug learning histor that we can avoid it. Plus its interesting, I think. Maybe you should ask the governemnt under which you live in not to tortur people in their prisons rather than asking these not to be shown.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Now I'm a little confused... I understand the fact that somebody wouldn't want his\her kid to read this. What confuses me though is what does: "This Won’t Hurt a Bit: A Painlessly Short (and Incomplete) Evolution of Execution." tell you?? I think that you can safely assume what's it going to be about, hence decide whether you want to read it, or let your kid read it...
Oh and actually the bible is an idiotic book, have you ever tried reading it?? And also, what has belief got to do with religion? I mean why believe when you can read and think??
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Ok so I usually don't read the comments after an article bc they are usually lame, but I got hooked by Noah and Biltmore. I definitly didn't agree with Noah's old-ladyish complaining but Biltmore is such an incredible asshole. How dare you insult a religion and people you obviously know very little about. I'm not Islamic but I would call them all idiots or insult the Quaran. Yeah there has been lots of violence throughout history but it was perpetrated for political reasons that bad people wrapped up with religion. People are bad, not religions and not the books they are based on. Censorship is stupid but so is ignorant bigotry.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Corrected:

Ok so I usually don’t read the comments after an article bc they are usually lame, but I got hooked by Noah and Biltmore. I definitly didn’t agree with Noah’s old-ladyish complaining but Biltmore is such an incredible a$$hole. How dare you insult a religion and people you obviously know very little about. I’m not Islamic but I would never call them all idiots or insult the Quaran, just because I don't understand everything about their faith. Yeah there has been lots of violence throughout history but it was perpetrated for political reasons that bad people wrapped up with religion. People are bad, not religions and not the books they are based on. Censorship is stupid but so is ignorant bigotry.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Interesting article, somewhat dull commentary flame war, though.
My take is leave it as it is - the title more than clearly states what the article is about.
As for the battle over religious texts: those who have read them at least know what they're talking about - those who haven't perchance should read them before claiming to know what the texts are about. And, just like any literature - there will be those who like the books and those who won't. Just like my wife likes Jane Austen while I hate her. I would nonetheless never claim that "Pride and Prejudice" is stupid - it's just not the kind of story I enjoy.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Last time I noticed, half the people in the US wear a tiny model torture/execution device around their necks.

Think about it.

Neatorama - rocks
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
@Padraig
I couldn't agree with you more, except for 1 little thingy. I don't think that Jane Austen claims that what she says is the truth, the only truth and if you don't believe her, you'll burn in hell...
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
http://laserreiki.com/cgi-bin/rest/steak-restaurant-atlanta.html steak restaurant atlanta http://laserreiki.com/cgi-bin/rest/baltimore-italian-restaurant.html baltimore italian restaurant http://laserreiki.com/cgi-bin/rest/indian-restaurant-san-francisco.html indian restaurant san francisco http://laserreiki.com/cgi-bin/rest/american-francisco-restaurant-san.html american francisco restaurant san http://laserreiki.com/cgi-bin/rest/minneapolis-restaurant-steak.html minneapolis restaurant steak
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
There is one more torture method which is quite striking, its called the Iron Horse and was used by the moors in ancient times. I will let you do the findings urself if interested.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
If I see on on NEatorama that upsets me, I scroll past it. Simple, aint it?

Loved the post by the way! Its kind of interesting to read about.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
In this article you choose to denote the historical era BCE-Before the Common Era and CE-Common Era instead of the appropriate Before Christ-BC and After Christ-AC.

This is indicative of religious bias and bigotry towards western civilization and you are suspicious of seditionist and anti-western thought and frankly beyond contempt.

Maybe your head should be crushed by a giant elephant for unscholarly and biased attempts at historical revisionism.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Man.. Hopefully this was banned. Can't imagine a wold with these ... punishments. But I'm not completely against these punishments. IT REALLY DEPENDS YOU KNOW. To make people fear law and indirectly to maintain the rate of criminality one has to abide by some (the least atrocious ones).Thought I would like to recommend the state of Mauritius to try one of these technique tomake people comprehend how severe law can be or simply that they should behave well;Forcing them to understand it if it requires so.
Because I completely AGAINST ANY FORM OF CRIMINALITY!!!

Thanks!!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Good article, I believe I may start visiting this site more often. :)

Honestly, folks, almost all cultures/religions have this sort of stuff, not just the Bible and Christianity. Yes, the Catholic church screwed up with the Crusades, but guess what? So have other groups. If we're going to talk about violence against others, I can think of a Middle-Eastern religion that regularly has their followers blow themselves up to kill people. "Religion of Peace" my ass.

Also, Noah, it was an article about EXECUTION METHODS. How the hell did you think this might be safe for kids to read? Use common sense, please.

And before anyone jumps me, I'm Jewish, most definitely NOT Christian. Yeah, my people made mistakes too in the past. And guess what? It's Human nature, and it's not likely to change soon. So how about everyone quit whining and just enjoy the articles, eh?
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Sorry to disappoint you but about the cave of roses:
Sweden does not and did not have any really poisonus snakes. The most poisonus snake in Sweden is the huggorm (a form of viper) which is about as poisonus as a wasp!
This has never ben used in sweden anyway, but burning whiches was a popular form of cruelty here!
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Alex: I hereby knight thee

Noah: sentenced to be hanged, drawn & quartered for expressing concern for well being of your children

Biltmore: keelhaul the pirate

Raphaela: Impaled

Apologetic Swedes: drawn & quartered the 'European' way - by horses

No heads will be crushed by Dumbo because he's performing at the Circus

bwahahahahahahahahaha
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
I saw someone mentioned the bloody eagle, and I thought I'd elaborate. The bloody eagle is a method of torture/execution by the vikings. The ribs in the back or sometimes the front are cut and cracked so you can see inside. There are a few different ways for it to have the appearance of the "eagle" the first would be that the crack the ribs in a way that they stick out significantly in the back causing the apperance of wings. The other, even worse way, is to pull the lungs out the back of the person, stretching them out and then pinning them upward. Despite what many people believe the person did not die instantly. If they did the lung pulling version it was usually only after the lungs were stretched that the person died of suffication, though sometimes people died of blood loss before that point.
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Enjoyed this article. I couldn't help but laugh at the first comment by "Noah"... does this person expect the internet to censor itself for his poor innocent children? Maybe if he could take his own head out of the sand long enough to READ THE TITLE before going to the site he would figure out what he was about to read (which isn't offensive in the least)
Abusive comment hidden. (Show it anyway.)
Login to comment.
Click here to access all of this post's 60 comments




Email This Post to a Friend
"This Won't Hurt a Bit: A Painlessly Short (and Incomplete) Evolution of Execution."

Separate multiple emails with a comma. Limit 5.

 

Success! Your email has been sent!

close window
X

This website uses cookies.

This website uses cookies to improve user experience. By using this website you consent to all cookies in accordance with our Privacy Policy.

I agree
 
Learn More