Bizarro Caption Contest 2.

Posted by Alex in Bizarro Comic on April 6, 2007 at 1:39 am

Thanks to Dan Piraro, we have another Bizarro caption contest. Funniest caption wins a Free Neatorama T-Shirt. Contest rule: one caption per comment, make it funny but please keep it civil. You can submit multiple comments.

Update 4/13/07: Wow! A lot of great stuff here, guys – Congrats to Sean Wagoner #11 who came up with the winning caption:

â€œOn the weather forecast for the afternoon, clear, red skies with a chance of hellfire and brimstone.â€

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COMMENT

299 comments to "Bizarro Caption Contest 2."

R. Darian
April 6th, 2007 at 2:06 am
"... and when we come back after the break, scientists will tell us which lucky community in the outlying suburbs is sitting on a potential gold mine of natural gas reserves..."
youdiejoe
April 6th, 2007 at 2:07 am
"Last one alive, please... turn out the lights."
Sky
April 6th, 2007 at 2:11 am
"Had this been an actual emergency......."
Justin Kownacki
April 6th, 2007 at 2:16 am
... and the Chicago Cubs victory parade has been scheduled for Tuesday of next week...
Ali
April 6th, 2007 at 2:20 am
"This is an emergency broadcast detailing the danger of Godzilla eating beans..."
Ali
April 6th, 2007 at 2:21 am
"And that's why you shouldn't drink Coca Cola with Pop Rocks!"
liam
April 6th, 2007 at 2:23 am
"and in an unforeseen turn of events, Jeb Bush has been elected president for the 2008-2012 term"
Dan Smith
April 6th, 2007 at 2:26 am
Up next, an urgent Newslink special report: Are Tom and Katie having "trust issues"? You'll never guess what she said. Find out, after the break.
Sean Wagoner
April 6th, 2007 at 2:38 am
"Thanks to a Nuclear Holocaust, the world ended today. Stayed tuned though, we have the dangers of your kids eating pocket lint on at 7."
NyaR
April 6th, 2007 at 2:41 am
"anti-wrinkle cream 2 for one!"
http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/4089/untitled1bt6.jpg
Sean Wagoner
April 6th, 2007 at 2:47 am
"On the weather forecast for the afternoon, clear, red skies with a chance of hellfire and brimstone."
P.D.
April 6th, 2007 at 2:50 am
"Oops..."
beajerry
April 6th, 2007 at 2:51 am
"A common household object found in your home can actually be deadly! We'll tell you what it is after these messages."
Jason Ellis
April 6th, 2007 at 2:57 am
"We interrupt this regularly scheduled Iraqi war for..."
rek
April 6th, 2007 at 3:01 am
"Mission Accomplished!"
Dekan Wheeler
April 6th, 2007 at 3:02 am
In other news...
SenorMysterioso
April 6th, 2007 at 3:12 am
On issue of hydrogen cars, former vice president Gore issues a general "my bad"
Jeff
April 6th, 2007 at 3:29 am
"and Shaq promised Miami residents he would never eat chili again."
ImNoMrNiceGuy
April 6th, 2007 at 3:43 am
"We are sorry to inform you that tonight's American Idol has been canceled..."
ImNoMrNiceGuy
April 6th, 2007 at 3:48 am
"It was the largest chili festival ever to..."
ImNoMrNiceGuy
April 6th, 2007 at 3:50 am
"Dick Chaney then accidentally fired a nuclear missile at the congressman..."
ImNoMrNiceGuy
April 6th, 2007 at 3:58 am
"Wow Cindy, you would really think someone would have told President Bush NOT to push the big red button..."
ImNoMrNiceGuy
April 6th, 2007 at 4:02 am
"In a strange occurance, peciecs of blueberry pie and sticks of dynamite fell from the sky earlier today that has left scientists scratching their heads..."
Jeff
April 6th, 2007 at 4:15 am
"Top story today: Britney Spears checked herself out of rehab again."
scumbag
April 6th, 2007 at 4:19 am
Seacrest, OUT!
Chris
April 6th, 2007 at 4:25 am
Good Morrrrrning, IIIIIrrrrraaaaaqqqqq!
Chris
April 6th, 2007 at 4:28 am
...and the president says not to worry, and to keep spending to avoid a recession...
Terry Ortiz
April 6th, 2007 at 4:43 am
"The city council would like to congratulate the anarchic landscape architects for their reshaping of Bluffton...."
Terry Ortiz
April 6th, 2007 at 4:45 am
"No one expected the massive popularity of indoor smoke signaling...."
Terry Ortiz
April 6th, 2007 at 4:51 am
"...and most importantly, your tax dollars are at work."
Cory Rau
April 6th, 2007 at 4:52 am
Up next, we'll speak to the mayor of a town whose residents have all fled to Oz.
mike stewart
April 6th, 2007 at 5:01 am
SUV destroys town while helpless human driver looks on.
mike stewart
April 6th, 2007 at 5:12 am
Breaking news.

There is a recall of baked beans know to contain massive gas causing wheat from China.
Tony Lee
April 6th, 2007 at 5:42 am
--skreet skrrr- morning's unprecedented solar eclipse is no cause for alarm.
Cheng
April 6th, 2007 at 5:48 am
We apologize for omitting the "Please don't do this at home!" disclaimer at the beginning of the show...
Cheng
April 6th, 2007 at 5:59 am
We are pleased to report out our fourth consecutive quarter over quarter decrease in sales as our engineers keep designing TV to the highest quality standard ...
George
April 6th, 2007 at 6:00 am
Teens break record for group flatulence lighting - More at 6:00.
George Phillips
April 6th, 2007 at 6:43 am
...And now for the weather.
Tony
April 6th, 2007 at 6:45 am
"... and this is Ric Romero, reminding you that playing with unexploded ordinance can be hazardous..."
Iche
April 6th, 2007 at 6:51 am
"We're sorry to announce that from today on god wants to be a woman................................ APRIL'S FOOL!...heh."
Dan
April 6th, 2007 at 7:05 am
and on a lighter note........
J
April 6th, 2007 at 7:19 am
You see, you see what you made me do. This is what happens when you touch the dial, Steve. You brought this on yourself.
Keith
April 6th, 2007 at 7:26 am
And now for something completely different.
Akj689
April 6th, 2007 at 7:27 am
in another news, Bush announced that the war on terror have made a great progress even if we don't see it
MZ
April 6th, 2007 at 7:29 am
"...after the President taunted our alien overlords with the remark 'Let's see what you got, you slimy- asparagus-lookin' freaks'"
d.maile
April 6th, 2007 at 7:29 am
"In other news, official tallies from this morning's election polls, just an hour old, were met with enthusiasm as the United States of America welcomed it's newest Commander-in-Chief, Hillary Clinton..."
EWilson
April 6th, 2007 at 7:34 am
Today's forcast calls for a slight chance of fire and brimstone, followed by brief periods of devouring locusts.
C Note
April 6th, 2007 at 7:34 am
Sim mayor Ron Palooka calls down armageddon on city after accumulation of insurmountable debts.
denis
April 6th, 2007 at 7:52 am
We just have the confirmation the alien attack was a fake, thanks god for this humour moment.
Bill
April 6th, 2007 at 8:00 am
My fellow Americans, Foreget about Osama bin Hide-in. Al Gore-duh and the agents of Global Warming did this. They are hiding in Iran and Syria. Dick and the boys at Haliburton have just what we need to correctify this situation...before you know it, it'll be "Mission Accomplished!" Disclaimer: I may not have been elected President, but I know you like me more than that "un-American" congress!
John
April 6th, 2007 at 8:06 am
The President's statement reads "You're doing a helluva job, Brownie."
Randall
April 6th, 2007 at 8:07 am
The President announced a day of celebration to commemorate the 'Total Victory in the War on Terror' today.
brianH
April 6th, 2007 at 8:18 am
"This is God Kent and you've been a very naughty boy."
Erik
April 6th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Who farted?
Kevin
April 6th, 2007 at 8:23 am
"and revelations about the secret 20 year ongoing affair between the President and the Speaker of the House have caused significant upheaval on the Hill..."
FanTent
April 6th, 2007 at 8:28 am
"And coming up in the next hour, is your blender giving you cancer? Stay tuned to find out!"
Ruste
April 6th, 2007 at 8:28 am
"Previously... On "Lost"..."
ryan
April 6th, 2007 at 8:32 am
stick around for an all new episode of friends
barryman
April 6th, 2007 at 8:40 am
And in other news, Dick Cheney was asked to test a new weapon for the military...
Okey
April 6th, 2007 at 8:43 am
..And these are your headlines...Baby Polar Bear Knut finds a friend! Kansas girl has the hiccups for 2 months, and Martha Stewart has a suprise for all off you at home! Coming up after the break...
barryman
April 6th, 2007 at 8:46 am
The Nasdaq hit an all-time...What the heck was that?!?
Kiera
April 6th, 2007 at 8:46 am
Death and destructon rains down upon the Earth, fear in the hearts of children everywhere. Is there any hope?...is there...Hey wait, this happened in New Orleans?

In other news...
Dani
April 6th, 2007 at 8:49 am
"...however, there was some good news in sports today, as Tiger Woods..."
Sudeep
April 6th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Ha ha ; sorry folks bad joke ! The best way to test if an unidentified object is an explosive is to ....
Justin Anthony Knapp
April 6th, 2007 at 8:53 am
Today's forecast in Baghdad: bombs with a chance of shooting. Tomorrow: Bombs.
Dave
April 6th, 2007 at 8:54 am
"And now for some good news... Majority Leader Nancy Pilosi's visit to Syria was a resounding success, resulting in assurances from Middle East leaders that the United States is no longer a target of Islamic jihadists."
Ian
April 6th, 2007 at 8:58 am
"And a common household product you have in your kitchen could be deadly. We'll let you know which one you should avoid at 11."
DonDon
April 6th, 2007 at 9:01 am
"...up next, CPF Scott Robertson with our Futures report."
Johnny_Canuck
April 6th, 2007 at 9:05 am
"..and that's the news, I'm Edgar Allen Poe. Good Night"
john
April 6th, 2007 at 9:23 am
Our lead story tonight; will Britney Spears career recover from all the negative publicity her behavior.
Patrick
April 6th, 2007 at 9:36 am
We repeat. Rumors that the world will be coming to an end are vastly exaggerated. When we return, we will hear from experts explaining why the world cannot be coming to an end.
Rebecka
April 6th, 2007 at 9:36 am
"And just outside of Whichita, there is a small storm system brewing, which could possibly lead to a small tornado, Jan, but our storm center here isn't calling for any alarms. Back to ..."
Charles
April 6th, 2007 at 9:38 am
Warning, Close cover before striking
bloggopotamus
April 6th, 2007 at 9:41 am
"This all began when Mortimer found out that he would not be able to fulfill his life long dream of becoming a banker"
Morgan Davis
April 6th, 2007 at 9:51 am
...and that is how the cookie crumbles.
junk
April 6th, 2007 at 9:54 am
"I've got good news. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance."
Adam
April 6th, 2007 at 9:57 am
It's a beautiful day in the neigborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood...
Shaun
April 6th, 2007 at 10:03 am
"What common everyday item can become very volatile? Tune it at 10pm to find out."
Ben
April 6th, 2007 at 10:08 am
"Locke!?! What did you do???"
Kelly
April 6th, 2007 at 10:14 am
..and DNA tests released this afternoon confirm that Sanjaya Malakar is Anna Nicole Smith's baby daddy.
Poke
April 6th, 2007 at 10:17 am
This just in, Transformer's really are more than meets the eye.
Anita
April 6th, 2007 at 10:21 am
"In related news, the Bush Administration has sent F-17s in response to intelligence that Al-Qaeda was spotted selling caramel popcorn at an Alabama flea market"
Tgeorge
April 6th, 2007 at 10:27 am
"Tonight at eleven find out why Canada finally snapped."
Victor Noerdlinger
April 6th, 2007 at 10:33 am
the president stated this morning that al qaeda created these "terrorist twisters" as a plot to destroy the bible belt "trying to disenchristianise the american people".
gnomee
April 6th, 2007 at 10:43 am
The local fire brigade were lauded as heroes once again today, after rescuing Mrs. Tuppletop's tabby out of the tree in a matter of hours.
Mike C
April 6th, 2007 at 10:44 am
"The three kittens had no comment."
Geoff Murrin
April 6th, 2007 at 10:46 am
"...And in other news."
yankee
April 6th, 2007 at 10:48 am
"It was announced this morning that immigration officials in Los Angeles will actually begin to deport illegal aliens"
Drew
April 6th, 2007 at 10:59 am
And the answer to last night's trivia question....exploding bananas.
Dan Smith
April 6th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Once again, although the cautionary report on combustable breast implants was aired on april first, it was NOT infact a joke. If you live in a trashy town, especially in the south, seek cover and avoid huge gazongas.
DrJones
April 6th, 2007 at 11:03 am
"We inturrupt your regularly scheduled program for this news bulletin, Anna Nicole Smith's pet turtle has been found dead in its terrarium early this morning. Initial reports suggest the death was an accident. We will continue with updates as they develop."
Alvin
April 6th, 2007 at 11:04 am
"i don't want to alarm the public, but I just farted."
Nicholas Anderson
April 6th, 2007 at 11:08 am
And the President stated "I don't know what this little blinky thing on this radar screen is."
JMT
April 6th, 2007 at 11:12 am
We were surprised to learn today that Anna Nicole Smith died of a drug overdose.
rcran
April 6th, 2007 at 11:12 am
"Clean up your room, it looks like a tornado went throught there..."
Rafael Madeira
April 6th, 2007 at 11:14 am
...and if the Northern Lights that embezzled the midwest skies this afternoon wasn't freaky enough, we just got confirmation that it apparently caused a dynamite shower that wiped out several cities...
Rafael Madeira
April 6th, 2007 at 11:17 am
(wow "embezzled"? I meant "painted". jeez)
John Smith
April 6th, 2007 at 11:21 am
...it looks like Donald finally pushed Rosie too far...
yankee
April 6th, 2007 at 11:22 am
We're hearing reports that while touring NORAD, Nancy Pelosi said "What does this button do?"
Sareh
April 6th, 2007 at 11:27 am
"And now for the weather- looks like nothing but blue skies ahead!"
Will
April 6th, 2007 at 11:27 am
"As we move to our traffic skycam, we can see that the roads are murder out there today, folks!"
Albysoc
April 6th, 2007 at 11:37 am
"And when we come back, we'll discuss the latest in the Anna Nicole Smith paternity hearings..."
Tim Mosley
April 6th, 2007 at 11:39 am
"Tonight's top story - Britney Spears is back in rehab - details at ten."
The Mutt
April 6th, 2007 at 11:42 am
And the Detroit Pistons are your new NBA champions!
k_sra
April 6th, 2007 at 11:42 am
"Thanks, Tracy! We've got a sizeable warmfront moving in. Expect temperatures to soar throughout the afternoon and into the early evening..."
dudeface
April 6th, 2007 at 11:49 am
... Gesundheit!
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
"And now, our annual broadcast of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, hosted by Ryan Seacrest!"
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
"American Idol voter turnout is once again at a record high!"
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
"Today, I am a man."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
"And now, a blast from the past, former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld!"
Skully
April 6th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Now for the weather, due to global warming, temperatures should be in the 1000's today...
PurpZeY
April 6th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
"New guy's in the corner puking his guts out, bleeeeh bleeeh bleeehh..."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
"Loyal viewers, I must be honest here. Over the years I have been through one problem after another, but the sympathies of the American public have always helped me through the dark times. There are still many storm clouds on the horizon, but with your help we can make it through. I don't know what I'd do without you. I... I love you."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
"Whoa! What was that? Viewers, I don't know if you felt anything, but here in the studio we were just hit by the most peculiar ground tremor. Don't worry though, we'll get through it. I'm just relieved we were there to protect the American people."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
"When asked to comment, Jesus Christ of Nazareth said 'they had it coming. It was out of my hands.'"
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
"In other news, the World Trade Center Site Memorial opened today..."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
"Today, the new Guns'n'Roses album, produced and written by Axl Rose, was released to the public."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
"I'm finally on TV! Look out world, here I come!"
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
"Oppenheimer, eat your heart out."
Slim Pickens
April 6th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
"When asked to respond, Charles Manson said 'I told you so.'"
Spike
April 6th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Why am I in this little box?
Kat Meltzer
April 6th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Erectile dysfunction got you down? Be like Bob!
Glen Don
April 6th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
"Some say you have presidential hair. Any thoughts?"
Dan
April 6th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
We now go to Bill Panteen for more details on the water skiing squirrel.
DWarren
April 6th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
"...American Idol crowned its newest winner tonight...Sanjaya Malakar!!"
TCarlson
April 6th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
A waterskiing squirrel? Now, I've seen everything.
Brian
April 6th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
That was the test pattern that causes houses to explode, next up we have a test pattern from russia that hypnotizes you into killling your family! We'll be right back with Worlds Deadliest Test Patterns!
andrej
April 6th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
"and now the weather! Jim?"
five_fingers
April 6th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
"...and our televisions are engineered to the highest quality. They come with a 100% lifetime guarantee of..."
carlos m
April 6th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
and on other breaking news...
Holly Christina
April 6th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
"...more importantly, what will DNA test confirm regarding the paternity for the baby of Anny Nicole?"
carlos m
April 6th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
...and on other news, scientists just flipped on the switch of the biggest particle accelerator in the world...
Steve
April 6th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
"A massive recall issued today on the 'Tiny Tim Science Set' as the makers of the toy accidentally replaced the baking soda with ceyenne pepper...."
Lukas238
April 6th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
"...and in other news, a team of scientists has recreated the Big Bang in the laboratory. The implications of this experiment will blow you out of your chair."
Mark S
April 6th, 2007 at 1:22 pm
"Live from Odessa, reports are coming in that the cheeleader has taken a turn for the worse."
BrianP
April 6th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
"And on local news, Paris Hilton received two more breast implants...more at seven...."
David Caine
April 6th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
and on the lighter side, our channel, WKKR channel 5 has suddenly skyrocketed in the Nielsen ratings, becoming the most watched channel in the world!
Mark S
April 6th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
"Sending it over now to Jorge Quiroga live from the Australian outback where Aussie Yahoo Serious has finally split the beer atom...Jorge?...Jorge?"
Aramax
April 6th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
"And now for the aftermath of the series of Violent tornadoes here in Kansas. There was only superficial damage to structures but we did lost a little girl and her dog..."
Tolga K
April 6th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
According to witness reports, Rosie O'Donnell grew to 10 times her size when she heard Trump assault her integrity. Not even the U.S. Military could stop her rage.
NeonCat
April 6th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
"And in other news, the rough beast slouching towards Bethlehem has been identified."
ruteger
April 6th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
"Strangely, the aliens appear to enjoy television."
Richie
April 6th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
"The Aqua Teen Hunger Force have struck again!"
Brent
April 6th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
"...And that's how the death ray ignored the power grid and TVs. More news in 2 minutes."
ruteger
April 6th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
We just received a report that the detonator is actually tied to a "As Seen On TV" device known as "The Clapper", which means it could be triggered by any sound like this...
Morse
April 6th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Esploding Fart!
Morse
April 6th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Voldemort R00lz!
Morse
April 6th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
'This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council,' the voice continued. 'As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.'
Jim Wilson
April 6th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
"And that's the way it is. Have a nice day!"
Morse
April 6th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
'This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.'
Morse
April 6th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
And now, the REST of the story...
dudeface
April 6th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Reporting from New Bunkers 8, I'm Steve Whitmore.
Jay Bevenour
April 6th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I told you not to touch that dial!
Jim Wilson
April 6th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
"But enough of that depressing stuff. Today Paris Hilton admitted to wearing a blonde wig!
dudeface
April 6th, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Reporting from News Bunker 8, I'm Steve Whitmore.
Tony
April 6th, 2007 at 2:42 pm
There you have it folks... mentos and coke... no joke!
TheKeyLime
April 6th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
"...and those homeowners who correctly applied duct tape to their windows are reporting little to no damage in the wake of this latest terrorist attack."
Michael Brown
April 6th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
"And in the news today, Al Gore offers new global warming evidence to the public that danger is iminent. The Whitehouse today offered comments about it's 25 year plan to combat the issue."
Michael Brown
April 6th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
"...stay tuned at 7pm for breaking news about a suprise twist in the 2008 elections. Legal analysts find a loophole allowing anyone to serve a 3rd presidential term!"
Ben
April 6th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
...FEMA director said that damage from the storm was "minor." Turning now to our important headline stories, American Idol has announced that...
Todd Kuebler
April 6th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
"... in other news, local man's favorite red stapler was taken..."
Alex Kimble
April 6th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Experts agree, everthing will be fine.
Mark S
April 6th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
"We'd like to issue an apology from our earlier Dateline story, "Tornado-volcanos, real or Hollywood hype?" It turns out that the torcano is real, extremely real. Sorry about that. In other news, cats that smoke! Should they be allowed to talk on their cellphones in restaurants? That answer at 11.
Bryan Walsh
April 6th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
This just in...It is reported that Rosie has finally let that fart she has been holding in for years!
Jimbo
April 6th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
...and according to the witnesses, the last thing the redneck said before the explosion, but "Check this Sh*t Out"
Jimbo
April 6th, 2007 at 3:39 pm
A tragic end to yet another shuttle proving that we NASA is useless!
mandy
April 6th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
"Utter catastrophe as the new president for the 2008-2012 term is sworn in. Hilary Clinton evolved into Godzilla-like swamp monster and, in an unseen move, completely demolished the state of Texas and declared New York the capital of the world."
Ian
April 6th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
"Whoa- did anyone else feel that?"
Gruntwilligar
April 6th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Newsflash: The winner of the local bean eating contest has been located two counties over...
Political Comment
April 6th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
And in a bizarre action, President Bush has altered the US Constitution to be created "King of the Playround for Life." We go live to Speaker Nancy Pelosi...
Jensen
April 6th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
...now 2 hours after cell phone use has been restricetd to emergency personel only...
Jensen
April 6th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
"after these messages find out how Bush decided to clear the U.S. debt for good"
minna
April 6th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
And President Bush said, "You're doing a heck of a job Brownie!"
donna
April 6th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
"John McCain reports that everything is just fine at his home today...."
Deborah
April 6th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
"..This just in, Rosie O'Donnel now claims to know who was behind the 9/11 plot and who is planning the next big SCARE."
Kev
April 6th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Apparently all life on earth has been distr...this just in, Anna Nicole's fourth autopsy results are in...
Rupert
April 6th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
"...in other news, Christ is *not* coming!"
Kev
April 6th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Apparently Neatorama's servers exploded after we profiled the site on national TV earlier...our condolences to the staff...
Ghote
April 6th, 2007 at 5:43 pm
..."Confectionary Christ" enrages the Catholic League causing a reconsideration of it's stance on "Love thy neighbor"...
cassie
April 6th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
"This just in: Myspace.com has been shut down." ...
Doug
April 6th, 2007 at 6:48 pm
"Residents on Elm Street report that they have not received their mail today. The postal service was unavailable for comment."
George Phillips
April 6th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
And now for an important word from our sponser.
Brutus
April 6th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Blind Students Complete Drivers Ed....
Details at 11.
Andrew
April 6th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
"In other news, the first leaf of spring has been spotted."
Matthew S
April 6th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
The war on barren landscapes was announced today. An armchair and car set themselves on fire in protest.
James
April 6th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Welcome back to Fawks news. Earlier today, catastrophe stru... wait we have important breaking news: Dannielynn's father has also passed away. We will be staying on this 24/7...
Oliver
April 6th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
...indeed showing the disastrous consequences that occur if the Wiimote is not securely fastened.
Linda
April 6th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
"In today's news, Duke called Jay's bluff and finally sold the secret family recipe for Beans. As is evident by this scene, Duke made a small fortune and Jay is officially out of business."
Linda
April 6th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Correction: (sorry about that)

"In todayâ€™s news, Duke called Jayâ€™s bluff and finally got the secret family recipe for Beans. As is evident by this scene, Duke made a small fortune and Jay is officially out of business.â€
Cori
April 6th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
Good Morning America, it's December 12th, 2012. Breaking news: the first fision powered television set has been developed, and is now in its test phase.
TDB
April 6th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
" Cartoonist fails to meet deadline, goes on rampage...details at eleven."
Kevin
April 6th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
"As President Bush will detail in his briefing later this evening, the hurricane Katrina relief effort is moving along smoothly and as planned."
Tom
April 6th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
"So pull out those tarps and hunker down folks, we're in for one doozy of a storm. Back to you Susie."
rek
April 6th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Again, police advise you to be on the lookout for the notorious "Blue Angel"...
ReDCaine
April 6th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Earlier today, the Bush administration reported that they finally found the Weapons of Mass Destruction that they had been searching for.
Dale Says:
April 6th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
And our number 1 story on Countdown tonight,
"Bill O'Reilly's ego finally explodes"
wayne kaatz
April 6th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
I'm God, and I told you so.
J & R
April 7th, 2007 at 12:23 am
Just another day in an Oregon trailer park....
Terry Ortiz
April 7th, 2007 at 12:53 am
"The mayor would like to thank Torch 'em Up Inc. for their generous donation of flamethrowers this Easter egg hunt."
leslie
April 7th, 2007 at 1:03 am
"Sources say that if Wyoming had only spent a little more effort on their Easter egg, this could have been avoided."
Samantha
April 7th, 2007 at 2:09 am
"...and that is how they got the kitten out of the tree" "On to the lastest News...."
George
April 7th, 2007 at 5:09 am
Thank you Billy Joe for that interesting bit of local news. Now for todays top story; Anna Nicole Smithâ€™s .................
George
April 7th, 2007 at 5:18 am
Sorry folks, it seems we have lost our feed from the annual chili cookoff.
joe
April 7th, 2007 at 8:48 am
tonight, another testament to japanese technology. this television set has survived a nuclear explosion!
maria leonor orey
April 7th, 2007 at 9:19 am
"And the winner is ...."
maria leonor orey
April 7th, 2007 at 9:23 am
"And the winner is ......"
Bruce Schwitters
April 7th, 2007 at 9:33 am
Once again, radical Republicans are blaming the liberal media of over exaggeration and causing undo fear and concern amoung citizens.
Bruce Schwitters
April 7th, 2007 at 9:39 am
...on a more positive note, the new mutations will eliminate the need for tatoos, body piercing, rap music, cell phones,......
Mike Mueller
April 7th, 2007 at 10:01 am
"after the break,more details on the Brittney Spears,K-Fed divorce settlement."
Bruce Schwitters
April 7th, 2007 at 10:02 am
In a effort to cash in on the popularity of reality shows, Norad today announced the debut of "Fussion Factor"
jenny
April 7th, 2007 at 10:28 am
"... is telling everyone to stay calm. on a more lighter note we now have the story of the tap dancing goldfish!"
Zac
April 7th, 2007 at 10:42 am
"in other news, no Dorothy is not in Kansas anymore"
themoman
April 7th, 2007 at 11:36 am
"Apocolypse Now! Film at 11."
PurpZeY
April 7th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
"In other news, Google has released a new free 411 service"
lumpi
April 7th, 2007 at 1:07 pm
"Yes, John, we can finally heave a sigh of relief. I'm confident, the majority of the mutant ants were destroyed."
George
April 7th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Hatfield and McCoy truce is just a rumor, more after the break.
George
April 7th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
The Corp of Engineers unveiled a new system for cleaning up the lower nineth ward of New Orleans today.
Rafael Madeira
April 7th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!
Rafael Madeira
April 7th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
"Go in here, let the butterfly just fly in on that monkey."
Rafael Madeira
April 7th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
"Introducing Smart Mop!"
stephen
April 7th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
"for more on the anna nicole case, we turn to our correspondent in the field..."
Jordan
April 7th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
What this means for your weekend, details at 11.
carl
April 7th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
Fox will be right back right after this, with more on the Anna Nicole Smith trial
Jeff
April 7th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Newest TV models able to withstand nuclear blasts! Film at eleven!
Andy
April 7th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
"Today's top story: Hilary Clinton elected president for 2008"
El Neilo
April 7th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
"And how!"
Kimberly Cheesepuff
April 7th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
"...and after the chaos and destuction all over the world this evening, President Bush finally acknowledges that missles, do NOT, in fact, serve the same purpose as mechanical bulls..."
Kimberly Cheesepuff
April 7th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
*destruction (from my last caption)

Now:

"Breaking news! A disease has come across the city! Spontaneus Human Combustion has been breaking out in homes recently, of epic proportions. The victims appear to be women who's husbands won't 'get of their lazy arses', a witness claims."
john d
April 7th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
fighting the frizzies at 11:00
john d
April 7th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
in other news besides the apocalypse, another rich teenage girl from california started cyring because her boyfriend broke up with her
john d
April 7th, 2007 at 11:35 pm
guess what world... you got punk'd
john d
April 7th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
we've now found out what happens when you mix diet coke and mentoes
john d
April 7th, 2007 at 11:39 pm
THE BOMB... EXPLODED.... EVERWHERE.. THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE IS... breaking news rosie o'donnell has pooped her pants on the view. donald trumph is laughing and so are we. Heres the clip for the next several hours
Mike
April 8th, 2007 at 1:37 am
...Once again, this is only a test. If this had been an actual emergency, the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information, news or instructions...
Dan Smith
April 8th, 2007 at 4:24 am
Tune in at ten for the Channel 12 news, the official news channel of the constantly burning post apocalyptic wasteland.
Mike Creamer
April 8th, 2007 at 11:19 am
"...and we'd like to welcome everyone to the Bagdad exhibit here at the George W. Bush Presidential museum..."
Freckles
April 8th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
"Oh, I'm receiving new information now...apparently the world is ending in twenty minutes! Thank you, and have a great night!"
Freckles
April 8th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
"Oops. Sorry, I had beans for dinner..."
John Q. Public
April 8th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
You heard that right, folks, the Oscar goes to Paris Hilton.
aj
April 8th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
and now some breaking news. A tornado warning is under way.
PurpZeY
April 8th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
In unrelated news the police department is missing a recliner from their lounge, please call crime-stoppers.
PurpZeY
April 8th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Gophers again! Where's Billy Murray when you need him?
PurpZeY
April 8th, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Video of this tragic event was on YouTube, until they were sued by the last living member of the MPAA.
PurpZeY
April 8th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and
snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Doug
April 9th, 2007 at 2:02 am
Well, can we honestly say there are any doubts about global warming now?
Mitchell
April 9th, 2007 at 7:26 am
Breaking News

Anna Nicole Smith was a virgin and adopted all her kids from Angelina Jolie!!!!!!
Mitchell
April 9th, 2007 at 7:42 am
..... and Mrs. Woods tells us that Barak Obama is indead her son Tiger!!
David
April 9th, 2007 at 8:12 am
"We will report on the apocalypse as information is available to us. In other news, childhood obesity is still on a rise..."
Carlos
April 9th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Up next, the president assures the nation that Global Warming is NOT happening
Nipple
April 9th, 2007 at 11:17 am
Seems the Christians were right all along!
hermit_man
April 9th, 2007 at 11:56 am
"Rosie O'Donnell was last seen making her way to Trump Tower armed with a big sausage..."
zebrafish
April 9th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
"And after a month of sunshine with highs in the mid-60's, the good Lord has finally answered my prayers for a change in the weather!"
Swtek
April 9th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
...World ends...film at 11...stay tuned...
Dan Smith
April 9th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Our editor has brought our attention to an error in that last segment, the clip of Frank Zappa shredding on the guitar which we aired was incorrectly labelled "face melting", when in fact it was "earth shattering".

Our apologies.
zebrafish
April 9th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
"And for our viewer poll this evening: Should Al Gore come up with a more Convenient Truth? Go to our website to vote now!"
dudeface
April 9th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
Global Warming a real threat? We'll have an oil executive from the administration and a concerned parent on after the break to decide. Stay tuned.
Mattie Young
April 9th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
In other news.... were screwed.
Mattie Young
April 9th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Once again this has been just a test had this been a real emergency...
Mattie Young
April 9th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Could the sun explode at any moment.. We'll tell you after the break...
Mattie Young
April 9th, 2007 at 6:57 pm
After the break... find out who the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby...
bruce8505
April 9th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
...officials say the apocalypse was finally contained afert they nuked the heavens.
bruce8505
April 9th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
If you are planning to go to Miami-Beach this summer, good for you! It might be the only place left on earth.
Chris Lee
April 9th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
"Surprisingly, the mass destruction failed to knock out any electrical power in the area."
jr2
April 9th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
"...financial analysts said today that the recent housing market burst was only slightly larger than originally anticipated... turning to traffic there are reports of several overturned cars on..."
TLLau
April 10th, 2007 at 1:09 am
The General commented that the latest air-strike would not pose threat to human lives as the nuclear powered amonia-nitrium B911 bomb was recently improved. The target was a truck carrying B910 bomb..... He insisted that the world would not see bodies lying around after the strike.
Quin
April 10th, 2007 at 5:18 am
George Bush has now entered into his 16th week on vacation and says he is "deeply considering" whether or not to return to what's left of washington and blame someone else for the slow reaction to the crisis.
Dan Davidson
April 10th, 2007 at 8:12 am
"The New HD-XL570"....

"High definition so real that it makes you feel like you're there, and built to last.... no matter what"....

"The New HD-XL570.... Not only real, but surreal"....
Jason
April 10th, 2007 at 8:47 am
"The dangers of silly string at birthday parties...again, this evening at 6."
Matt
April 10th, 2007 at 9:58 am
"...Brought to you by TNT landscapers-we'll give you more bang for your buck!"
Matt
April 10th, 2007 at 10:00 am
"On the lighter side of news, we'll talk to a helium huffing clown and his fantastic balloon sculptures"
Matt
April 10th, 2007 at 10:02 am
"Next turn the oven on to 450 degrees and bake for 2 hours-and finally take the cake out and caramelize the top with a blowtorch...make sure that you turn the oven off first though..."
Matt
April 10th, 2007 at 10:06 am
"UFO's fact or fiction?"-We investigate...
Matt
April 10th, 2007 at 10:08 am
"An important recall to tell you about-the new Expedition is being recalled due to faulty brakes and potential fuel line issues..."
Beth
April 10th, 2007 at 10:49 am
"...Now that you know how your children could be making explosives, our experts urge all parents to be on the lookout for any of these volitile ingredients..."
Fred
April 10th, 2007 at 11:39 am
"You stay classy, San Diego"
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 11:52 am
And now the latest quote from Jesus: "I can't take it anymore - I'm turning this world over to a higher power."
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 11:55 am
"But I thought I could do that Rachael Ray recipe in just twenty minutes."
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 12:00 pm
"I TOLD you to hook up the blackwater first."
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
"What brand of toothpaste WAS that?"
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
"Don't worry - I can fix ANYTHING with duct tape."
K
April 10th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Which caption won the contest?!?

I gave up trying to find it after the 50th joke involving beans.
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
"No problem - I was thinking that it's about time we upgraded to one of those new fancy coaches, anyway.
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
"Billy-Bob told me that there could be a flaw in this model where the factory hooked up the propane to the hot water outlet. Maybe he was right."
justwimpy
April 10th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
"See what happens when you overdose on those silly Bizarro Caption Contest entries!!!"
Brian
April 10th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Breaking News!! The television show 24 is real. I repeat, the television show 24 is real.
Andy
April 10th, 2007 at 3:11 pm
And...Boom goes the dynamite. Back to you Jane, you ignorant slut!
Sarah Franks
April 10th, 2007 at 5:54 pm
"....and Hilary Clinton has won the election!"
Patrick
April 10th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
"This concludes our feature presentation, 'The War of the Worlds,' presented in technicolor by Halliburton."
TangledTimes.com
April 10th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
"Coming up next on 'Flip This Country.' Bob shows us how to add value without resorting to an expensive regime change."
Dan Smith
April 10th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Goooooooooood morning Iraaaaaq!!!!
NickDX
April 10th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
"...and as a message from NATO: don't worry, we will only attack military targets"
Slave0fLife
April 10th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
"... and Chuck Norris promised to never snap his fingers again."
lrishman
April 11th, 2007 at 1:41 am
And now for something completely different!
BoraX
April 11th, 2007 at 4:59 am
Retro bowling shirts rebel !! Its hip. Ya dig?
Jerzy
April 11th, 2007 at 12:49 pm
...as you can see an Indiana summer fair is just like any ol' marketplace in Iraq.
NickDX
April 11th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Help!! I'm trapped inside this box!!
Alex
April 13th, 2007 at 6:42 pm
Great stuff guys!

Congrats to Sean Wagoner #11 for the winning comment. In other news, my eyes just about melted after reading 300 or so comments in this contest.
Matt
April 15th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
"In more important news, the Father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby has been discovered!"
Evan Dyer
June 4th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
...and lets all pray that the poor tornado ridden town in kansas doesnt forget to file their txas this year...

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