Twice a year, tens of thousands of librarians make a trek across the United States to a meeting of the American Library Association. They come to learn, to network, to collect free stuff, and possibly to mate. After observing these noble creatures, certain patterns become apparent. The male librarians often display fabulous facial plumage, perhaps in order to attract a mate. In six months, they will descend on a new city, and the strange ritual will unfold again.

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