The Root Cause of Men's Shame: Women

Why don't men talk about their feelings? Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work and author of Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, knows the answer: it's all about how men and women deal with shame.

The surprising thing, as Brown found out in her research, is that men's shame is actually not primarily inflicted by other men. Rather, it is the women in their lives:

... for men, the overarching message is that any weakness is shameful. And since vulnerability is often perceived as weakness, it is especially risky for men to practice vulnerability.

What Brown also discovered in the course of her research is that, contrary to her early assumptions, men's shame is not primarily inflicted by other men. Instead, it is the women in their lives who tend to be repelled when men show the chinks in their armor.

"Most women pledge allegiance to this idea that women can explore their emotions, break down, fall apart—and it's healthy," Brown said. "But guys are not allowed to fall apart." Ironically, she explained, men are often pressured to open up and talk about their feelings, and they are criticized for being emotionally walled-off; but if they get too real, they are met with revulsion.

Andy Hinds of The Atlantic has the post: Link


Lady Macbeth says to her husband:
"My hands are of your colour; but I shame
To wear a heart so white."
He is distressed and guilty over the murder that he just committed, but she is ashamed that he shows such weakness.
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Ironically, she explained, men are often pressured to open up and talk about their feelings, and they are criticized for being emotionally walled-off; but if they get too real, they are met with revulsion.

Yup. This flows directly out of hypergamy.
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Men feel shame because they feel they must live up to a certain gender role in order to be attractive to women, but I call bullshit on women actually enforcing it to any substantial degree. Often, we have our own conclusions about what others think and feel and project those conclusions onto the actions of others.
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