Lonely, How About Renting A Family Member?

I read this yesterday on the BBC site, and I still can't decide if it's a wonderful idea or tragically sad that it would be a wonderful idea at all.

Don't feel bad about sending a rental human to the family reunions- your relatives will do the same in their stead.

It will just be an awkward meeting of well-compensated unrelateds.

it's sad, but ...

Yes I do think our lives have become so empty that we must rent relationships. Just seems to be a general breakdown in social norms and values around the world. I wouldn't be surprised if this concept in some form shows up on other shores, not that hiring a babysitter, the 'big brother' concept, or trying out multiple dates from websites isn't in itself already renting out a form of family member or relationship and those have been going on for years already.

This reminds me of those old Bloom County comic strips where Opus would hire the rent a Mom character or the Dial a Mom character.

i think this is overall pretty sad and might leave users of such services even more sad once the rental is over and lets them realise what they're missing in their family life.

Too many people find more solace in people on tv or in chatrooms that they've lost the ability to interact on a face to face level. I don't think this would appeal only to single-parent homes; I know I've had trouble getting my family to do things that don't involve sitting on your ass watching tv. Rent-A-Family sounds very sad indeed but I understand the appeal.

When I was watching Noriko's Dinner Table, I thought this would be a good idea to make some money and apparently so did someone else.

The nuclear family is a recent development, due to the changing structure of businesses and life. When people spent their entire lives in the same town or area, the extended family was there for support. It isn't normal for the family to consist only of the parents and their children. Grandparents were there to help with work and childcare, while the parents worked. The children helped as they got older, including caring for grandparents in return.

The nuclear family has no safety net. If either parent becomes ill, dies or abandons the family, the remaining parent is pushed into multiple roles that would normally have been filled by members of an extended family.

Renting a family member actually makes a kind of sense. It's sad, but when a family has grandparents living in two different parts of the country (up to four if they're divorced), one parent with the children in another, and the other divorced parent into a fourth location, what are you going to do?

do you get the same guy every time? what if he quits? does he perform any husbandly duties, or just fatherly ones?

heheh heh...husbandly duties.

While I am not saying I think it is healthy to "rent" family members, I do think there is an aspect to this that hasn't been mentioned (at least in the comments.) Japan is a society that is still run heavily by males. The father is the head of the household in many respects and lives are run accordingly. The culture is just now socially accepting women to divorce their husbands for infidelity, when twenty years ago it would have been a scandal.

It doesn't surprise me that in a society that is so male-dominate mothers would find comfort in having even a fake father figure around. As it is mentioned, there are many social instances that are generally handled by the male of the house. If you have noisy neighbors and want someone to handle the confrontation for you, is it much different than hiring someone to take care of your pesky weeds?

Again, I would not personally ever see a need for such a service. But, the family dynamics are different in Japan than they are in Canada, the US and Britain (Which is where I assume most neatorama posters come from.)

What's amusing is that they need to have a man act as a representative to the school, or the kid won't get a decent education. What a world.

This is sad, I cant imagine anyone would ever use such a service. I think that this could hurt kids.

A much better alternative is a Big Brothers type service where the kids form actual relationships with adults that are there to mentor them rather than there to earn a buck.

I don't know; it seems like kind of a creative solution for people that need help. Best case scenarios like truly good-hearted people coming to form a bond with their host family seem quite plausible. I was a nanny for years and that worked out fine. Just because there's an exchange (money for time, advocacy) doesn't mean it's devoid of meaning or heart. Necessarily.

I suppose ideally we'd all have sprawling extended support systems made up of wonderful people we're glad to be connected inextricably with, but most big families don't fit that description. A lot of people have unhealthy relationships with their family, but are dependent on/beholden to them nonetheless. I think I'd rather choose my team member than have to depend on someone with whom the dynamics were imbalanced and screwy just because they happened to be related to me.

I have to agree with violet in saying that it is a rather creative solution for those in need of the help. Say what you will about Japanese society being male dominated or whatever, but at least this is a society that recognizes these needs and attempts to fill that void, whether it be for an alpha male or a loving pet. After all, some male dominated societies discard women outright.

I think it's very sad that there is a demand for a business like this, and in the States or here in the UK, it would be ridiculed and people would be too ashamed to use it. However, I bet a lot of people in the US and UK would benefit from it.

Culture does play in a large role in how much more acceptable this is in Japan where emotional needs are often appeased by monetary means. While geishas did use their bodies, many were instead expected to entertain by witty conversation and artistic endeavor...in short providing reprieve from the emotional stresses of life and not necessarily by physical means. Giving payment for temporary family members may sound strange to us but therapists also provide emotional help for a fee and that is increasingly more commonplace here.

Perhaps it seems sad that people are paying actors money to act as family, but (money aside) I view this as no different than a number of people born into families that are less than ideal. Those people enrich their lives by creating a family composed of close-knit friends and mentors, thereby CHOOSING the people in their family. It would be emotionally more rewarding to pick family that way but some places and some people don't have that kind of luxury.

It's sad, but this is fulfilling a need. We have isolated ourselves, it's not just lack of family in the area. We don't get to know our neighbors anymore.

There is a service in the US that matches people who need family, with people who want to be their family. Rather than "renting," there is a nominal one time membership fee, and you are matched with people who need you as much as you need them. www.CreatingExtendedFamilies.com And you don't even pay unless there is at least one potential match in your vicinity.