Would you let your 9-year-old ride the subway alone?

In some (most?) states, leaving a child under 12 without supervision is considered neglect. I'm sorry, I don't care how "grown up" your 9-year old child is, I can't see letting them traipse across the city of New York unattended as a good thing. While the chance of injury or harm may be "remote", I don't think a reasonable or responsible parent would knowingly take the risk.

Granted, when I was 9 I rode my bike miles from home and never thought anything of it. However, I grew up in the 70s and things were different then. In current times, 9 is much too young to be out on ones own (especially riding the NY subway). Those parents are very lucky that nothing happened to their child and that he returned home safely. However, no child of 9 is physically able to protect himself if someone much larger grabbed him. There are other ways to teach your child how to navigate the world without putting his life at risk.

I wasn't allowed to ride the subway alone til I was 13.
That said, I was on the subway a few months ago and there were two kids, a sister and younger brother (10 and 6, maybe), in their school clothes riding the subway by themselves. Some creepy guy started talking to the girl, and immediately everyone on the subway had their eyes on the kids, visibly ready to jump in and take care of them if the guy tried anything/followed them off. It's the walking the streets alone part I'd be afraid of, and 9 is way too young for that, in New York especially.

I can only applaude Lenore for allowing her child to go home alone. She wasn't "very lucky" that nothing happened, as Fran wrote, it is still absolutely normal that a 9 year old kid can go somewhere alone without being harmed.

Parents, please stop being so over-protective, trust your children and the society! The world isn't more dangerous than it was 30 years ago, when all of us were able to wander around, walk home from school alone and "somewhere" outside for whole days.

The 9 year old wasn't "traipsing" across the city. He was going from one place to another. I was nine the first time I decided to ride my bike to my best friend's house entirely on my own. She lived on the other side of our small town (about a mile away). It was a wonderful experience to navigate the small world around me entirely on my own. I felt a real sense of accomplishment.

A nine year old has the mental and physical capacity to make the trip. I'm a small woman. My ten-year-old nephew is nearly as big as I am now. If someone much larger than myself attacked me, I couldn't fend them off either. Does that mean I should hide in my hotel when I make my first visit to New York City in a couple weeks?

For a fascinating look at how children have lost their right to roam over the past several generations resulting in an increase in mental health problems, check out this article.

I saw a lot of young kids riding the subway by themselves or in groups in Hong Kong and really thought nothing of it. Quite normal really in larger cities, it's just one of the many modes of public transportation. Personally I'd rather they take the subway/metra in a larger city than try walking near traffic anyday. But that's just my opinion :D

Hessi is right. The preponderance of serious perverts hasn't really increased -- only our information access to their deeds.

While I wouldn't let a kid of that age walk around solo at night, in the well-populated daytime subways, it's not a big deal. Also, I'd have a LOT more security of them walking around in NYC than in most small towns -- there are always too many people around for anyone to try anything with them. Contrast that with the creep hiding in the bushes at a small town park.

hessi, take off your rose colored glasses. We live in a dangerous world where children are harmed. No not every child but every day. It's up to responsible parents to protect your children and nine is way too young to go out into the world alone. If you think today is no different from 30 years ago you're not paying attention. This kid may have the skills to navigate but not the skills to protect himself from the unexpected, not necessarily just predators.

Things WERE NOT safer in the seventies.

I went to a boy scout troop run out of a catholic church that had a priest as one of the scout masters. That would never happen now-a-days.

You were just young in the seventies and didn't know the danger was there.

As long as the kid knows not to talk to strangers and all that I don't see how there would be a greater possibility of a 9 year old kid getting hurt being alone in NY than a young woman. I would think it'd be too dangerous for a kid to be out after dark alone but not during normal school hours.

If you don't let the 9 year old ride, who is going to take care of the 5 year old and the baby?

I was 10 when I began taking the 6 train from Spring St. to 72nd Street to get to Junior High. It's really safe if you stick to the middle cars and travel during rush hour. There are plenty of kids that travel the trains out of necessity.

I am happy for that 9 year-old kid. I am encouraged by the fact that kids can be that resourceful in today's world. I want a world where that can happen.

I was riding th T in Boston at age nine. I was also riding my bike all over the place and walking as far as my little legs would take me too.

Kids are smarter than you think... give them some credit.

"Those parents are very lucky that nothing happened to their child and that he returned home safely."

Lucky? The probability of anything happening is so low that it is 'safe' to let a kid do this. If you bring your kids up properly to be careful, observant, and know what they're doing, etc. then you should have little to worry about.

It seems like oppression of your kids so they can't think or act for themselves when most are quite capable by that age.

I got a sailboat when I was 7 or 8 and I used to get around in that pretty well and it was no big deal. I think my parents were proud of me for being able to navigate the lake. I think the subway's about the same thing, and while 9 years old might be too young for some people, many 9 year olds could use that sort of responsibility. When I was in NYC, I got to ride the subway, even though there are rapists. People these days need to chill out and let kids have some freedom.

I have two kids younger than 9 and I've seen 13 year olds pick on my son and push him around while I've been on the other side of the playground with my other kid.

I was on the PATH subway coming into NYC in 1989 when I saw a 14 or 15 year old teenager push a much younger kid to the ground and try to steal something out of his backpack. The police intervened.

I think people who say that "nothing" will happen mean that the kid won't get killed. I find that young teenagers walking through my neighborhood are approached by other teenagers, sometimes in a threatening bully-style way, every day. These pretend gangsters will challenge, "Where you from?" Which you have to answer with the name of my neighborhood, I presume.

This is definitely true of the Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and even Manhattan of 10 years ago and 30 years ago? Don't kid yourself.

How in the hell does having one's own sailboat Biff or Muffy, relate to a 15 yr old subway thief?

Things WERE NOT safer in the seventies.
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Yes they were, read the crime statistics for your state and county, duh. They may not have been safer in the Bronx is Burning era, but they were much safer down here prior to the crack war of 1987. They were measurably safer.

Why is this news?

saw this article earlier. nice to see it linked on neatorama.

this is one of my pet peeves. the helicopter parents. the bicycle helmets. the antibiotics. the allergy medications. the fenced-in yards.

jeez....let a kid be a kid. we all made it to adulthood and didn't wear helmets and rode our bikes 5 miles away from home and played in the woods and all that.

these overprotective anal-retentive "parents" are just creating an environment for their children that will cause them to be immature, irresponsible adults that will probably end up running this country.

morons.

DCer: Homicide rate is the lowest in New York since 1963, from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_New_York_City

Smothering your children only serves to create a generation of people who can't do anything for themselves, and will rely on government to protect them at the cost of their freedom (just as you want to do to our children).

The likelihood of a child being taken off the street in a big city approaches zero, simply because there are so many people around, and most people are good. Your child is far more likely to be raped by a relative than by a stranger. Does that mean that you should never leave your kids with relatives?

I grew up in NYC, and work there, now.

When I was a kid, I rode my bike wherever I wanted, the only rules were not to talk to strangers, and DON'T BE LATE FOR DINNER.

Times have changed. There are too many weirdos and perverts out there. Just bear in mind, that in order to save money, the politicians opened the mental wards in the early 1970's, letting the mentally challenged out on the streets, uncared for. That accounts for the influx of 'homeless people', that we never had before.

Wake up, people. It is not safe out there. As an adult male, who knows how to take care of himself, I sometimes think twice about personal safety. I can only imagine what it must be like to be a kid.

The difference between now and the seventies is not the risk of a kid on the subway falling victim to a predator. The risk is the same now as it was then. EXACTLY the same. The difference is that today

we live in a society dominated by irrational fear. This fear all around us has been artificially created over a period of decades by the media in this country, that we too often blindly accept without

questioning. The media is all about selling newspapers and TV air time, and sadly, most of us aren't interested in buying thoughtful analysis. That's why the National Enquirer sells way more copies than

The Economist.

Proof of that is the many knee jerk responses to this article which are critical of Ms. Skenazy.

Most predatory attacks on kids - the VAST VAST majority - are made by people close to them in their lives. Adult relatives, neighbors, teachers, coaches, etc. That's a well researched and documented

fact. On the other hand, it's extremely rare for say a child molester to even initiate contact with a child in a public place like a subway system. I'm not saying it's impossible, it is possible and it has

happened. Just extremely rare compared to all the other sources of child victimization. And when it does happen, the media blows it out of proportion, and we eat it up and think "this happens all the time to

kids whose irresponsible parents let them out by themselves in public".

A nine year old who has been trained by his or her parents to take a subway trip across NYC is totally capable of pulling it off.

I applaud Lenore Skenazy for teaching her son to take intelligently calculated risks, preceded by careful training and conditioning. That's what we all do in adult life, most of the time without even giving it a

thought. We do it every time we take our car onto the freeway with our kids in the passenger seats (again, a massively bigger risk of injury and death than sending a kid on a subway trip).

This is only one example of how fear has replaced thinking in this country and reduced the quality of our lives. I think it's really sad. If you want to see what a society can be like without being dominated by

fear, visit Singapore or Denmark, where you'll see kids on public transportation in inner cities all over the place.

Winston Churchill famously said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." I'll take Winston over the National Enquirer any day of the week.

I don't believe the 70s were any safer. I grew up in a small town. My cohorts and I walked everywhere, except when we hitchhiked. Every one of us were, at one time or another, a victim of an attempt at what would be a crime today. I think that's why parents are so paranoid now. We learned to handle it, and we need to prepare our kids on how to handle unusual situations, too. I can't speak on the subway specifically, because I don't live in New York, but I think you have to judge the kid and how competent, knowledgeable, and fearless he/she is. In this specific situation, I think there was a much greater danger to the parents than the child.

Hmm, ok. I can't really write about NYC or any place in the USA. But here in Europe (yes, we do have bigger cities, too, and yes, we have public transport, too)it is completely normal to have children of about that age using public transport alone to school or home. And: No, the world is not much safer here, either.
A European mother would most likely think, that a child is safe on the subway (during daytime) as there are usually many people around.
When it comes to the argument of being unable to defend himself, I think that one should then worry about elderly people and women, too.
Of course it is important, that the subway-system is safe enough for everyone to use.
And, yes, the world is dangerous.
But if you really think that your child will most likely be molested or killed(!!)(these crimes mostly are committed within the families!!) only because it takes the subway home, I guess you are a victim of the media.

I think there's a key fact here that is really important. It's one thing for your kids to ride the bus home from school every day, or take the subway to their friend's house, or something like that. Ms. Skenazy left her son in the middle of a department store with subway fare and a map and said, "Later". There are better ways of teaching your kids to be resourceful than leaving them somewhere to fend for themselves. She also fully admits that she trusted him to ask "a stranger" for help. And she trusted a stranger not to do anything. Yeah, the streets are busy, and it's daytime, and her son seems to be intelligent, if he's begging to do this. But it still doesn't seem to be a good idea. If your 9-year-old child asks to be abandoned somewhere so he or she can find a way home by themselves, and you say, "No", you're not smothering them. Go with him somewhere and let him plan the trip home. He can still be resourceful. There are so many safer ways of encouraging him, that don't involve leaving him alone on the streets.

At age 9 I was definitely out wandering around my small town, but my parent's would have never allowed me to travel around a city by myself. However, I am encouraged to hear one commenter's story of everyone on a metro train watching out for a couple young kids that had a creepy adult approach them. Unfortunately society is not always that kind, and the real world is not always easy to navigate. Most 9 year olds have neither the critical thinking skills nor the physical kills needed to handle themselves when the unexpected (ie. emergencies, delays, changes in plans) occur. I think an extra couple years of traveling with their parents would have been much better.

For some reason it seems as if the New York Sun has removed the article?

I was 7 when I took the Montréal subway to get home from school (about 6 stops). This was from the downtown area to the gay village where I lived. This was in 1988, when north american cities were much more dangerous then they are now. It's no big deal, nothing bad ever happened.

gay village?

i'm sorry, not trying to be uncouth or insensitive or anything like that, but.....gay village?

That's what we call it in french. It's a literal translation.

URL to the article:

http://www.nysun.com/editorials/why-i-let-my-9-year-old-ride-subway-alone

Thanks, Sultancillo! They moved the article to the editorial section. I have the link fixed now.

jeez….let a kid be a kid. we all made it to adulthood and didn’t wear helmets and rode our bikes 5 miles away from home and played in the woods and all that.
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Are you a fool?

In my grandmother's farm neighborhood not one of the kids I played with is still alive. Army accident, hunting accidents, killed by father of girlfriend, drunk driving driver, drunk driving passenger, drunk driving pedestrian, fell off all terrain vehicle, cocaine overdose. Everyone of my generation on her "block" of farms was dead before 30. Every one.

I'm glad that all your friends lived, but to presume this is true of all kids everywhere is asinine in the extreme and insulting to the parents who grieve their lost children.

It depends a good bit on the child. Some 9 year olds are ready for that kind of experience, some aren't. The child needs to be able to figure out what to do when the bus is late or doesn't come or whatever other weird things happen. Some 9 year olds might be ready for that level of critical thinking. Some might not.

But I think that by 11 or 12, most kids would be ready. My older son was barely 11 when he started taking the public bus on his own (we live in a small city). He was totally ready and we did talk about 'what to do if' kinds of things. But still, the other mothers here are shocked when I tell them he rides the bus on his own. Rampant irrational fear. It's a shame, really.

My mistake, apparently the kid in the ATV accident was paralyzed and is in some kind of nursing home, but he otherwise survived. The other deaths are deaths. Note to self, call your mother before posting about childhood friends.

Every one of us, if witnessing a crime being committed against a child, would intervene. I think for every pervert, bully and child abductor there are at least 1000 kind samaritans. Sure we were taught to not talk to strangers but also that we could always count on their kindness. For this reason I think its most likely no big deal. My knee-jerk reaction was "OMG what kind of horrible parent..." but on second thought "nine year old rides train" is really not that shocking of a headline.

Im glad I wasnt one of DCer's childhood friends

I just thought it was funny that she was more concerned about him losing her cell phone.

man with all the pedophiles out there.... That's a huge risk she took.

It's interesting, but crime rates are lower now than they were when I was a kid back in the 70s. Especially in places like NYC. And I had much more freedom back then than many kids do now.

I think the big difference is that folks are hyper aware of the potential dangers around, and tend to overreact a bit with kids these days.

@Fran: You think riding the subway in the 70s was safer than now? Seriously?

When I was 9, I was aware and understanding enough to be able to take the subway alone, should I need to. I certainly took the bus alone very often.

It's an absolutely ridiculous argument to say that today, 9 year olds shouldn't be allowed to do so. Are 9 year olds of lower intelligence today than they were in the past? Ludicrous.

Its not a matter of being smart enough to ride the frickin' subway, its a matter of can your 9 y/o identify and avoid a potentially dangerous situation as well as a GUARDIAN (did I put too much emphasis on that word?) can.

I think she is a great Mom and it was a small safe adventure for the boy. New York City is very safe. He is learning about freedom in a responsible way.
A lot of harm is done to children by being afraid to let them experience the world.
I've seen a 7 year old driving a small motorcycle with a boy about 2 on the back, in Siem Reap,Cambodia.

My sister and brother both grew up in Hong Kong until they were in their early teens and they would both either be catching a public bus or subway by themselves to get to school on the other side of town everyday and my mother doesn't recall any problems whatsoever (and we lived in Mong Kok in Hong Kong, and if anyone has any knowledge of HK you would know what its like). I think as long as you set times for when they have to be home and to make sure they are familiar with the area and where to go before they go solo, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. Likewise in this day and age, its easy to buy a cheap mobile phone for kids so that they know they can always call you when they get into trouble. Of course you have to teach your kids commonsense like not talking to strangers, not taking on any offers from strangers and keeping out of trouble. Even though people tend to focus on the bad in society, lets not forget that there are still good people out their too.

I believe that brave, smart children (and therefore adults) are in part the product of a proffered (and lovingly supported) independance.

I fully support Ms Skenazy's decision, however were it my own child (I confess here that I have no children and am completely aware that if I did, I may assess the situation differently) I would probably have suggested my child took a friend (OKd by said friends parent, of course).

In the past (in my 70's - 80's childhood and adolescence for instance) this kind of independence was often possible and allowable, even with parents who might be deemed 'overprotective', because of the nature of kids to 'gang' together.

Admittedly getting away from the point a little, this 'safety in numbers' allowed me to explore the world and negotiate a microcosm of society with minimal risk. There was always someone else with you to give a different opinion on how best to respond to trouble, or to run for assistance if someone got hurt (no-one ever had their life ruined by a childhood broken arm - one of the most serious incidents I can remember).

My pal and I WERE confronted on a beach by an old paedo at the age of 11 at about 5pm. He offered us money to touch 'it' but shrank away into the encroaching dusk as we howled with laughter and shouted his suggestion into the twilight, drawing the attention of other adults in the area.

He was a silly old sausage, and we were confident, both that WE were smarter and HE was ridiculous. We were never frightened for a second, and I still believe, were never in danger.

Sorry for such a long post - but as well as wanting to moot my support for the active independance of children, I also wanted to suggest that parents who do want to encourage this, need to band together in their streets, apartment buildings and neighbourhoods and encourage their kids to know and explore with each other.

My mom walked me the half block to school every day, walked me home every afternoon. People thought she was silly and overprotective, but she did it anyway. No, there were no abductions later to prove her right, nothing that dramatic. Just mom wanting to make sure I was safe, because even a remote risk was not a risk she wanted to take. A bike injury or getting hurt while I was playing, she could take me to the hospital for. Disappearing between the house and the school, not so much.

I hate when people say things were so much better way back when. They weren't, you just hear about it more now. There still were rapes, murders and child abductions in the 70s but now we all hear about it. Actually there has been a decline in violence recently so statistically it's safer out there in the world.

The whole Pollyanna attitude is kinda weird. Reminds me of the die-hard bikers who refuse to wear motorcycle helmets. My biker friend actually said motorcycle helmets cause spine injury if you take a direct hit to the top of the head - he'd rather just have his head squashed entirely.

We know a lot about what's going on out there, and it's better to protect kids than not to.

(The story is hardly newsworthy, but it has stirred up a few comments)

I remember taking the city bus by myself to school, and also to downtwon Milwaukee when I was 10. I was scared, and I carried a knife with me everywhere. A girl had been gang raped in my neighborhood. And that was in the FIFTIES. I made sure my children were more protected. So of course, they called me over-protective. I just didn't want them to feel so scared and unloved.

I think it says a lot about today's thinking and the state of mind many people are in, that the FIRST negative thing that comes to their minds about a child on a subway is things like:
MURDER, RAPE, ABDUCTION etc.
and not like: The child could get lost or feel bad about being alone in one or another situation.(Is there any report on how the child felt in that situation mentioned above?)
Ok. There are bad people around "out there". But do you really think that they gather in your nearest subway station just waiting for YOUR child to walk by and immediately rape abduct and murder it??
You are watching too much tv.
You can't save your child from life.

I had no problem with this, and of all the people to
do this, Lenore Skenazy, who writes a weekly column
for (I think) the Daily News would be most fully
informed of the dangers and would have trained her son
well.

You have to learn how to survive on mass transit in
NYC. Them's the rules and if you don't, you're at a
serious disadvantage later in life.

kids are safer nowadays than they were back in the seventies and earlier.

For they are far better informed about paedophiles and other crazies than we were as kids.

This also applies to the population in general, we are all far more savvy about kiddie fiddlers and far more likely to intervene in a situation that we feel is suspect or even just a little odd.

There will always be paedos, there'll always be abductions,molestations and killings.

They will also always be incredibly rare.

So should we raise generations of kids to fear everything and everyone?

Riding the NYC subway in daytime is pretty much as safe as you can get, coz even the gang bangers and carreer criminals will look out for a little kid.

It's little kids kicking the tar out of other little kids that is far more likely.

In Japan, kids as young as 6 years old navigate their own way on Subways when they go to school. That's who safe it is there.

I applaud Lenore's decision to allow her son to take the subway by himself! I myself was born and raised in NYC in the seventies and even though I didn't ride the subway by myself frequently (I lived in the Bronx in Co-Op City which does not have a subway stop nearby), I spent many days traveling by myself on the buses around the Bronx and took the Express bus alone to visit my mom who worked at 30 Rockfellar Center by the time I was 10 (by the way, Lenore's son was on the verge of turning 10 years old at the time of his subway ride). I, along with MANY of my friends growing up were latch-key kids. I started staying by myself after school at the age of seven out of necessity (both of my parents worked). New York was a far more dangerous place back then -- remember folks, 42nd Street was not the tourist friendly new Mall of America that it is today. Also, the subway was a very dangerous place back then-- the subway cars themselves weren't as safe as they are now and a police presence was non-existent. My tween years were during the great blackout of 1977 and the Son of Sam killings (and let us not forget "President Ford to NY 'Drop Dead'" headline. I grew up quickly back then learning both responsibility and to be completely self aware of my surroundings at an early age. I was not a big tough kid either, I was a girl who was very small for my age.

With all of that , I want you all to know that I now have a 9 year old son. He, like myself, is small for his age BUT he is a very intelligent self aware young person (Lenore commented in her article that her son is 10 going on 40 and so is my son). If I still lived in NYC I would let him at least ride the buses by himself. And explore his neighborhood alone (but preferably with friends.. it's much more fun that way). Thanks to the State of Connecticut, I am not allowed by law to leave him alone unattended until he is at least 12 years old. And by law, he is supposed to still be in a child safety seat in our car (because he is still not 80 pounds). I can understand that we all want our kids to be safe, but things are getting way out of control. What ever happened to just hanging out with your friends after school? We're not letting our kids have the experiences they will need to become responsible adults. We now have college kids who email their school papers home to be checked over by their parents. I've also heard of many young adults who bring their PARENTS on jobs interviews! Enough is enough people. It's time to let our kids grow up as we did. And if the start is to let our 9 or 10 year olds ride the subway for 5 stops or so, let it be. I only wish my son could have that opportunity too.

The Fear is real. The danger is not. Get a grip.

"Fear Destroys" as Jon Anderson once so wisely penned.

kinda scary...but i agree that a 9 year old could be capable of handling it and stay safe.

would this lady let her son hitchhike? if the answer is no, then she should definitely minimize the kid's self-guided adventures in N.Y.C.

the same element who would gladly prey on her son were he to get into their car or van is riding the SUBWAY, ready to make a move on some vulnerable child. at the risk of being crude, she is offering her son up as boymeat to one of them...by their own admission, these people look for unattended kids.

i don't like the subtext in this story.....

I didn't start using public transportation by myself until I was 12. It didn't kill or cripple me to wait a few years. Letting 9 year olds ride the subway alone is not the only way to give them responsibility or show that you trust them.

I appreciate that my mom was "overprotective" and didn't let me go places alone til I was older, even though I always complained, "but Mom, other kids are doing it!" And guess what? Other kids were getting abducted too, including a very smart/observant/mature schoolmate of mine. Fortunately, she managed to get away. So being "intelligent" doesn't make a kid safe from predators.

Let's also keep in mind that predators come in many shapes and sizes, it's not just the creepy guy who lives next door. They are men, women, young and old. In my town, there was a little old lady who killed over a dozen people and hid their bodies in her basement.