Miss Cellania's Blog Posts

How to Make Gingerbread Cookies

Use your electric wangjangler to mix the road tar. Don't forget to despatulize the sides. Get your cylindrical compression tube ready, it's time to make gingerbread men! They don't have to be men; you can make your gingerbread cookies in any shape you want, like a pineapple or a hammer or slenderman. He left the tea out of his hot toddy, but never mind, since the main ingredient is whiskey.

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But just when you thought you were going to watch him decorate the cookies, this video takes a sharp left turn into a Christmas wrapping lesson and a heart touching holiday story about a robot, as our narrator is quite distractible. Even if you prefer to get your gingerbread from the cookie aisle, you'll enjoy this video from You Suck at Cooking. -via Tastefully Offensive


Interest in Sex Rises at Christmas

You might look at the conclusion of a research study in the title here as just too obvious, but it's not as simple as cuddling up because it's cold. We know that birth rates peak in September, but is that because it's cold in the winter, or because people get frisky during the Christmas holidays? It turns out that when you study the phenomenon globally, the holiday has more to do with it than the climate. Birth rates peak in September in the Southern Hemisphere, too, but only in countries in which the majority of people observe Christmas.

The analysis revealed that interest in sex peaks significantly during major cultural or religious celebrations—based upon a greater use of the word "sex" or other sexual terms in web searches. These peaks broadly corresponded to an increase in births nine months later in countries with available birth-rate data.

Moreover, the effect was observed in two different cultures, with the greatest spike occurring during major holiday celebrations: Christmas in Christian-majority countries and Eid-al-Fitr, the celebration that marks the end of Ramadan, in Muslim-majority countries.

The use of data from the Northern and Southern hemispheres is notable since past analyses tended to focus on smaller geographic areas in the Western and Northern hemispheres. The case of Eid-al-Fitr is significant because the holiday does not occur on the same day each year, but the measured effect still shifts accordingly, following a clear cultural pattern.

In fact, you can detect the dominant religion of a country by looking at the peak birth month, as in the above map. Thanksgiving and Easter did not significantly affect the birth rate. Read more about the study at PhysOrg. -via Digg

(Image credit: Ian Wood, Indiana University)


The Geek's Christmas

Ah, the comforts of home. Visiting your parents at Christmas has its rewards, in particular the familiarity and constancy of it all. Of course, one constant is that they will ask you to "repair" the computer, meaning dumping the trash, cleaning up the crowded desktop, and installing system updates. That will make you a hero in their eyes. I do all those things for my mother, but when my kids come home, I ask them to add and delete contacts on my phone. Everyone has their limits. This comic is from CommitStrip. -via Geeks Are Sexy


A Bad Lip Reading of The Empire Strikes Back: Hostiles on the Hill

Who knew that Luke Skywalker liked to sing while he piloted his X-wing into battle? Bad Lip Reading took the back-and-forth between fighters and made it into a song called "Hostiles on the Hill."  

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While earlier bad lip readings put nonsense into the actors' lines, the more recent videos have incorporated complete sentences that hang together loosely, and even tunes. Even if you aren't impressed with the song, you have to admire the deft editing that makes it seem like those exact words are coming from the mouth movements seen in a decades-old movie. And even if you aren't impressed with any of that, this is an excuse to watch Luke and company defeat the AT-AT walkers in the Battle of Hoth again.


Push, the Button Game

The online game Push is as simple as its instructions ...NOT. The entirety of the instructions are "Push all the buttons." At first it's pretty simple. Then its doable. Then it gets complicated. How can pushing buttons get complicated? When the act of pushing one button un-pushes another button! But you'll have fun trying to figure it out. The best part of the game Push is that it's not timed, so you can slow down and think about it. And it can be a respite from all the family togetherness you'll be experiencing this weekend. Try out Push here. -Thanks, Edward!  


The Flirt

What would you do if this guy stared at you from across the room as he was eating an ice cream? He knows how to say a lot with just his eyes. No, you'll have to watch to see what happens. Meanwhile, does anyone have a fan handy?  

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The flirt is actor Moreno Nunes, appearing on the Brazilian TV show Câmera Escondida, which translates to Hidden Camera. They also did a version of this with the sexes reversed, but it leaves you with a different feeling. I was expecting the guys to get  up and approach the woman any minute.  -via reddit


Christmas in America

Photographer Jesse Rieser spent seven years shooting scenes of how we decorate for Christmas, the season of excess. The series is called Christmas in America. Buzzfeed talked to Rieser about the project.

I think the project started in a more cynical tone and quickly changed once I learned the level of sincerity — and almost childlike enthusiasm and love — people have for the holiday. It quickly went from a question of, “is it keeping up with the Joneses” to something very endearing, no matter how quirky it may come across.

I think there are landmarks in any project that can help identify or solidify a project's identity and message. For this body of work, the “Protecting Dream” image was the first captured for the project: The humorous yet unsettling juxtaposition of Santa Claus and armed US military helped set the tone and establish the themes of Christmas in America.

See a selection of images from Christmas in America at Buzzfeed. Don't miss Santa Claus flying in to a church service, the Elvis shrine, and the "Bavarian Christmas Village Garage."

(Image credit: Jesse Rieser)


Buying People Presents That Are Really For Yourself

Even the simple act of giving a gift can be selfish. Third Leg Studios presents a scenario in which every gift comes with a selfish intent from the giver. You think that there must be an end to the ways this can be done, but they go on and on, until everyone in the family implies their true intent.  

(YouTube link)

This poor guy. He probably just wanted some candy for Christmas. And he probably put a lot of thought into the gifts he bought for everyone else. We aren't quite sure he's really related to the rest of them. Five days later, College Humor visited the same idea, except this time it's an office party, and only one guy bought all the gifts.

(YouTube link)

In this case, it's just Raphael who's figured out the way to manipulate Christmas to buy himself stuff and make himself look generous at the same time. Or so he thought. The recipients eventually call him out on it.


J.R.R. Tolkien as Father Christmas

J.R.R. Tolkien had four children. In 1920, his three-year-old son John had some questions about Father Christmas. That's when Tolkien became Father Christmas, as he wrote the charming letter you see above to his son. He drew the picture, too.  

For the next 23 years, every Christmas Eve, Tolkien wrote a letter to his four children from Father Christmas. What began as short, informative letters—“I am just now off to Oxford with a bundle of toys”—evolved into longer tales about life at the North Pole. The 1932 letter begins, “Dear Children, There is alot to tell you. First of all a Merry Christmas! But there have been lots of adventures you will want to hear about. It all began with the funny noises underground … ”

What follows is a tale of a beloved polar bear, mysterious caves filled with goblins, and their heroic counterparts, the Red Gnomes. As with The Hobbit, which Tolkien wrote and published in this period, the letters contain entire worlds, with invented languages and histories, alongside detailed illustrations.

You can see -and read- a few of those Father Christmas letters at Atlas Obscura.


The True Meaning of Christmas

According to Randall Munroe of xkcd, the true meaning of Christmas is to find the true meaning of Christmas. That reasoning is so meta that it folds in on itself. Whereas, the true meaning of Christmas is a festival to light up the darkness of winter, eat enough carbs and fats to keep us from freezing, and cement social relationships while we have the time because we can't grow crops and build things this time of year. Yes, you will have religious traditions tacked onto those celebrations, because why not? Jesus' birthday was not recorded (that wasn't a thing in His culture), but if you're going to celebrate a date, the winter festival is as good as any to commemorate the momentous occasion. And there's nothing wrong with that. Meanwhile, you'll find similar holidays in other religions for all the reasons we have a celebration around the winter solstice.


Simon's Cat's Guide to New Year's Resolutions

The new year is a time to start fresh, which is why we make resolutions to improve our lives. While our record for keeping those resolutions is pretty poor, there's nothing wrong with starting off with a new calendar and good intentions. Simon Tofield brings us some of the more common and useful New Year's resolutions illustrated by the cat.  

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You and I know full well that cats don't change. But sometimes they can inspire us to change by being a good example or a bad example. Simon's Cat is both.


Scary and Creepy Santa Statues

Why? Why would you display a giant Santa Claus in a public square with no pants? It appears to be an homage of sorts to the iconic image of Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch without the charm. Look at his face- he's not enjoying the cool breeze! This inflatable Santa Claus stands outside a shopping mall in Taiyuan, China. Someone thought this was a good idea. You can imagine children climbing the fence to see what's under that skirt. It's just one of many Santa Claus statues that don't portray the idea of a benevolent old elf who brings gifts and spreads goodwill. See ten creepy and scary public displays of Santa Claus at Web Urbanist. -via Fark


Down the Toilet

You know how we makes jokes about certain types of food that run right through you? That goes for drinks, too, especially if you over imbibe. That can be a holiday hazard, since there are plenty of us who only drink alcohol on special occasions. Food artist and photographer Henry Hargreaves cut out the middleman, so to speak, with his latest food art series entitled Down the Toilet. These are classic cocktails, with recipes, served up where they'll end up eventually -in the porcelain throne. See a slideshow of them all at Hargreaves' website for larger, readable recipes or continue reading for a gallery of these drinks. 

Continue reading

Useless Machines for Christmas Chores

Joseph is one of those guys who will spend three days building a machine to do a one-hour job. And that's a job that only needs to be done once a year. One of his machines wraps Christmas gifts, and the other decorates a Christmas tree.

(YouTube link)

Oh, did I mention that the machines aren't good at all at what they do? Yes, they work, but the results leave a bit to be desired. Covering your tree in hairspray might seem like a great idea to keep your ornaments in place, but think about how sticky a mess you'll have trying to put the tree away. Or getting it out next year. Yuck! -via Boing Boing


It's a Wonderful Life is 90% a Horror Film

The first time I saw It's a Wonderful Life, around 1986, I was alone at home and had never heard of the movie. It was depressing, long, and got more depressing as it went. I couldn't figure out where the story was going. But for some reason, I kept watching. This is not a wonderful life, I thought. George Bailey saw his dreams crushed, life was hard, and the one wealthy man in town was pure evil. And when the angel showed up, it got even worse. And poor Uncle Billy!

So evidently Uncle Billy isn’t allowed to just slightly gloat in this Wonderful Life universe – he can’t even walk away from a party without crashing into something and falling down – he’s a lovably disorganized, slightly kooky guy until he’s not so lovable – at least not to George Bailey anymore. So, every time I see Uncle Billy smile and fold that newspaper with the money inside and just hand it over to Mr. Potter I nearly scream. I scream thinking of myself, too. That moment of recognition in yourself – the nightmarish thought of committing some kind of easy blunder that results in consequences so dire, that you wish you’d never left the house that morning. Or that week, for that matter. The “what if?” spiral that leads to catastrophizing – a “what if?” that will become a grim alternate reality for George Bailey, when one wishes that, one not only never stepped out of the house, but never stepped outside for a week. In Bailey’s case, he wished he had never stepped into life.

An essay by Kim Morgan explains why I couldn't stop watching the movie all those years ago. Each of the residents of Bedford Falls are well-fleshed-out real people, with their hopes and dreams and quirks. They get kicked down a lot, but they're just doing the best they can. We can see ourselves in them. The theme for most of the film is that no good deed goes unpunished. No wonder the main character is on the verge of suicide. It's a Wonderful Life is an old fashioned horror film in that it instills a spirit of dread and despair in the viewer. Read how each character is shortchanged at Beverly Cinema. -via Metafilter 


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  • Member Since 2012/08/04


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