For the optimal captaincy experience, add Captain Morgan to your Cap'N Crunch. Your ship won't go anywhere, but you'll have quite a trip.
As for Captain Boomerang . . . I've never been impressed or intimidated by him. He always talks a bigger game than he can dish out.
I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) February 12, 2014There are a lot of angry people on Twitter. But there are also a lot of funny people on Twitter. You're better of reading the latter rather than the former. Rob Fee does and he's rounded up the 100 funniest tweets of the past year.
Nancy Grace is what would happen if a Caps Lock key came to life
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 30, 2014[Hostage situation] Um I don't want to be "that hostage", but I just want to let you know I have a gluten allergy.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 15, 2014The image above is a slection from a fascinating chart in the Washington Post. You can see a history of the English language web as sites rise, fall, and disappear from 1996 to 2013. the linkages track the placement of some long-lived websites as they struggle to rise in the rankings and earn money. There are many from the early years that I've never heard of at all. Grab? Uproar? Somehow I missed those.
Notably absent from the chart is Neatorama, but we're working on that.
-via Geekologie
Old Tricks is a delightful short film about a disabled old man who lives alone. He looks like the perfect prey for a robber. He's confined to a wheelchair and has to use an oxygen tank. So he's helpless, right?
The old man is played by Joe Spano, an actor you may remember as Det. Henry Goldblume on Hill Street Blues and FBI Agent T.C. Fornell on NCIS.
-via Kuriositas
A good headline writer is a font of gold. Or web traffic, which leads to gold. The Washington Post express edition has one. This was a headline for a print edition article about the impending divorce of comedian Chris Rock, which is hopefully resolved as amiably as a game of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock.
-via Amanda Cormier
This is, technically speaking, a camera. It's designed for young children to play with and learn the basics of photography. It has no filters or options. It just takes 0.3 megapixel still shots.
This is Lara Jade, a famous fashion photographer who shoots elite models in the most expensive clothes around the world. She's used to using the best equipment available. But she accepted the Cheap Camera Challenge: to do a professional shoot using only this minimal camera.
Jade did get to use professional models, expensive wardrobes, and the best makeup. During a 6-hour airline layover in Hong Kong, she did remarkable work. You can see other photos from her shoot here.
-via 22 Words
Butt skipping is like jump rope, except that you do it with your butt. Instead of leaping over a rope at just the right moment, you clench your buttocks together and propel yourself off the ground just long enough for the rope to slide between you and the ground.
Yi Zhihua of Chongqing, China, hopes to secure the Guinness World Record for completing the most butt skips in a single minute. Training has been very hard. Yi's bottom has taken quite a pounding in the process, but he keeps trying to improve his performance. GBTimes reports:
The student told that when he first started practicing, his skin was sore and bleeding after just a few skips. The painful injuries took weeks to heal, hindering his practice sessions.
But constant training eventually turned the skin covering Yi’s buttocks tough as leather. Although butt skipping is still a pain in his behind, the wounds heal faster, allowing him to train more.
The current record is held by Kyle Hendricks, an elementary school student in Pennsylvania.
-via Oddity Central
(Image: karracaz)
Spock the centaur is . . . fascinating.
He's half horse and half Vulcan. Specifically, Spock is the front end of a Vulcan and the back end of a horse. If he was the front end of a horse and the back end of a Vulcan, he would also be a centaur.
Of course, Spock is actually half human. So what we're looking at is one quarter human, one quarter Vulcan, and one half horse.
-via Ace of Spades HQ
Random thought: Perhaps I should write some fan fiction inspired by the Star Trek episode "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" in which the crew of the Enterprise encounters a bitterly-divided race of centaurs with varying top and bottom halves.
Cory Lopez is a professional surfer who has won multiple titles at surfing competitions around the world. But more importantly, he's a father. He loves his daughter Alana and wants to share his passion with her. So he took her out on the waves for a sweet ride.
-via Twisted Sifter
Do you feel your bowels clench (or loosen) with fear when you eat McDonald's food? There's something dark and unsettling about the clown and his gang of inhuman food items who insist that you eat, eat, eat all that he has to offer. Like Persephone from Greek mythology, if you dine in the underworld, you are condemned to it.
The dark ambiance of McDonald's has appropriately inspired the creation of Mac Sabbath, a band that performs songs from the heavy metal band Black Sabbath. But the lyrics have been rewritten with fast food themes and the members dress as McDonald's mascots. For example, the Black Sabbath song "Iron Man" becomes "Frying Pan." The lyrics describe the creation of your lunch meal:
I have a frying pan!
Cows were going to grind
Home your stomach is well lined
Do I have the gall
Chopping onions makes me bawl
Fixing your daily bread
Hope this pans not made of lead
They call their musical genre "Drive Thru Metal." Are you lovin' it?
(Images: Mac Sabbath)
-via Foodiggity
Like the European artisans of long ago, Craig Kovatch felt inspired by great, martyred heroes. Saint Optimus Prime of Cybertron is the subject of his 121-piece stained glass composition showing the enhaloed leader of the Autobots. It is suitable for both decoration and veneration. You can see more photos here.
Kovatch is considering making a similar of work of the villain Starscream. It's prudent of him to hedge his bets. Should the Decepticons emerge victorious, such a piece could be useful.
-via Make
Matt DeSanto and his 2 competitors had a 3-word, 13-letter puzzle to solve. It was a character. There was one clue: a letter E at the end of the second word.
DeSanto amazingly nailed the correct answer instantly. There was no hesitation. He clicked on his buzzer and won $91,892. In the 39 years that the game show Wheel of Fortune has been on the air, no one has won as much money during normal gameplay. Read more about DeSanto's victory at the Today show (warning: auto-start video).
-via Geek Tyrant
Google's job interviews are famously tough, but Alan felt confident: he had clearly passed the handshake test. Nonetheless, he felt a bit anxious when he realized that he should have visited the restroom before meeting the HR manager.
Dom Draper shot this photo for Red Bull. It shows Fred Fugen and Vincent Reffet 33,000 feet over Austria on May 13, 2014. But it could show something else as well. Think of the photo as a writing prompt. What caption or short short story does it inspire you to write?
-via Twisted Sifter
The little dog bed is too small for him. It was probably too small for him even when he was a puppy. But that doesn't stop this huge Great Dane from trying to mash it down into a proper nest!
-via Tastefully Offensive
YouTube user bigsmilenoteeth is really worked up at the beginning of the video as he introduces the most amazing toilet ever discovered at a gas station. My first thought was "He's found one that's actually clean" because that's extremely rare in the world of gas station toilets. Where I live, if you can avoid involuntarily retching, then you've found a good gas station toilet.
But no: he has actually found a luxury-level restroom worthy of a 5-star hotel in the back of a Shell gas station in Bohol, the Philippines.
-via 22 Words