So, why no link to this post:
http://www.neatorama.com/2013/09/17/House-Plumbed-with-Beer/

If it's a good idea for one house, it's a good idea for the whole city!

And this is why the Federation and the Klingon Empire went to war for almost a century.

So . . . what's the catch? They eat human flesh?

Um . . . no

Wow. That looks like a coma in a bottle.

Why does everyone else's kids seem to get real plates and utensils, while our kids eat off of plastic with a (shudder) spork? Are we afraid that our kids will take metal utensils and turn them into shivs in metalshop class? Because metalshop was cut out of the curriculum years ago.

Bartholomew Roberts = Dread Pirate Roberts?

Siskel and Ebert, their thumbs raised high.
Raindrops on roses. Whiskers on kittens.
Poirot, with all suspects gathered.

Dr. Doom! I don't know if he finished his doctorate, after that terrible accident that left him scarred.
Dr. Frankenstein does have a MD or PhD, I think. He may be trusted with your life, since he can restore life to your dead body. On the other hand, he may put someone else's brain into it . . .

This should be paired with the Recipe for Ice Cubes

It would put a whole different spin on Love Boat

I am overwhelmed. I would not have been so gracious for the first gift as this boy, who apparently must glue his shoes to repair them as a normal part of his life. It makes you want to start a Kickstarter for him to raise a scholarship or something.

Maybe they should have used a gorilla suit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJG698U2Mvo

Just out of college, I had a job netting salmon at Bonneville Dam. One guy sat on top of a ladder watching the fish pass through the fish ladder. He had a button to press that would direct salmon into a chute that ended in a 6' x 6' tub. The rest of us would dip net the fish into a small dumpster filled with water and a fish anesthetic. The fish were knocked out, and then transferred to a tank truck of water. When the tank was full of fish, the truck would drive to a fish hatchery where the fish would 'ripen' before their eggs and milt were harvested. The whole process was probably quite stressful for the fish. I imagine this is a nicer alternative.