Raise your hand if you've ever pooped out undigested ramen... no, me neither. Dumb.

Yay, the perfect finish after turducken!

If only we could engineer glowing after they're born. All sex offenders could be made to glow in the dark so they can't sneak up on you.

Roger, plagued for years with excessive self-esteem, followed his doctor's orders to stand one hour a day outside the one place where he knew he'd be the butt of every Internet hipster's keen wit and bile. It was cheaper than meds, but he missed his lunch hour.

My dad used to do this at the library at the university where he worked. He subscribed to the Journal of Irreproducible Results and printed labels that looked like the library's. He would bring in his issues and leave them on the appropriate shelf in the current journals room. I don't think the library paid to bind them when the year ended...