"His wife said it would turn up someday."
She was almost right. It didn't turnip, it carroted.

It's my understanding that "mortician" is something of a regional term. In the Midwest, I call myself a funeral director & embalmer (or, for brevity's sake, "director"), never mortician. I have heard families refer to me as "the mortician," but only on rare instances. It does seem like an antiquated term (like undertaker). And yes, hearsetrax, we are all a little strange! But we are also very caring, empathetic people.

Goats are adorable a**holes :)

Mew-hammad Ali

Thank goodness there's a pitch in the floor. Otherwise there would be no action at all. Just a ball in the center, juuuust out of reach.

It's just smart to protect your noodle when driving your car.

Liberty, MO. Not Liberty, KS.

I saw this list on MentalFloss, and with their suggestion decided to watch "Dear Zachary". Wow, what a story. Don't Google it, don't read the plot- just watch it. It's one I won't soon forget.

Wayne Static?? Is that you???

Shirley you can't be serious!

*Someone* had to do it....

60% of the time it works every time.

Paul Bunyon's spittoon! Pa-TING!

Step by step in large.

The title should read "Skydiving in a Casket," not "Coffin." That's like saying, "Skydiving in a hexagon" when really he's in a square. They are not the same. :)

Look, kids! Big Ben, Parliament!