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After reading these notes to anonymous troublemakers -and every office has one or two of those types- I realize how glad I am to work from home, despite the relatively minor annoyances. At least now when someone steals my lunch, its someone I have to feed anyway. See 39 more of these notes that you will probably relate to. Link -Thanks, Jane/Sierra!
Update 10/30/11 – These are from Passive Aggressive Notes – Thanks Kerry!
The boss sent an email at 11:30 “reminding” everyone that he’s working from home today. He sent it from his Blackberry.
This Twaggie, inspired by a Tweet from MeetingBoy, was selected for illustration by a contest at mental_floss. Link
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It’s time to stay on that couch and make something of your life! Just follow these step-by-step instructions, and you’ll be slacking your way to financial freedom in no time.
1. GET A PLUM JOB
After earning a PhD and working his way up the corporate ladder, microbiologist Edward McSweegan was promoted to managing Lyme disease research grants for the National Institute of Health (NIH). But the job came with plenty of politics.
2. UPSET THE WRONG PEOPLE
When advocacy groups claimed that a “chronic” form of Lyme disease existed and that it required lifelong antibiotic treatments, McSweegan, like many public health experts, disagreed. He just wasn’t diplomatic about it. In 1995, he publicly called one of the groups “wacko”, much to NIH’s chagrin.
3. END UP WITH NOTHING BUT FREE TIME
The statement earned McSweegan a two-week suspension. It did not, however, earn him a pink slip. Instead, his bosses took away the work he had been doing and never gave him anything to replace it with. For seven years, the scientist effectively became a gofer-fetching coffee and forwarding emails. The only thing that didn’t change: his salary. That entire time, McSweegan continued to rake in $100,000 a year.
SLACKER WARNING! Don’t publicize your plight
If you’re sick of coasting and want to find real work in your inbox, do as McSweegan did. In 2003, the bored scientist finally snapped. He took his story to the media, where he publicly asked his bosses for something to do besides write mystery novels on taxpayer time. That year, McSweegan was finally given new grants to administer-a job he still does to this day.
1. BE REALLY GOOD AT SPORT
This is the tricky part. First, become a heavily-recruited, all-star baseball player like Bobby Bonilla.
2. NOW, DO YOUR JOB POORLY
In 1992, Bonilla became the highest-paid player in baseball when the New York Mets signed him to a $29 million, five-year contract. It wasn’t the best idea. For the next three years, the Mets had a dismal record, and Bonilla became the poster child for their ineptitude. Of course, his behavior didn’t help. He once called the press box during a game to complain about a call the umpire had just made against him. Another time, he offered a critical journalist “a tour of the Bronx”-as a threat. In 1995, the Mets traded him away.
3. IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED, FAIL AGAIN
Four years later, the Mets made the baffling decision to rehire Bonilla, who proceeded to follow up his disastrous early-1990s stint with an equally tragic end to the decade. This time, it only took the Mets one year to oust him. The catch? According to Bonilla’s contract, the team stilled owed him $5.9 million.
4. WAIT FOR SOMEBODY ELSE TO MAKE A BAD DECISION
Rather than pay Bonilla off or allow him to keep playing, the Mets made a convoluted deal. Bonilla would leave the team, and his salary would be deferred for ten years. In exchange, he’d earn 8 percent interest annually-bringing the total sum to nearly $30 million, which he’ll get in annual payments of $1.19 million from 2011 until 2035. What were the Mets thinking? Hard to say. Pundits speculate that the team was simply short on cash. Delaying the payout allowed management to free up funds, meaning they could recruit players they actually wanted.
1. BUY THE RIGHT HOUSE
Actually, that’s pretty much it. Federal farm subsidies are paid out to help keep farmers in business. The intention is to stabilize farmers’ income to counteract erratic weather and fluctuations on commodity prices. Unfortunately, the subsidies are notoriously mismanaged. In 2006, the Washington Post investigated the lax attitude surrounding the allocations of these funds. Surprisingly, the most egregious offenders were suburban McMansion dwellers. Reporters found that the cash payouts remained tied to the land-long after that land stopped being used for farming. The journalists also found realtors and developers advertising the subsidies as a selling point on lots and houses. In 2005, one area of Texas brought in $37 million in rice farm subsidies-most of it going to either non-farmers or farmers who no longer grew rice at all.
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The above article by Maggie Koerth-Baker is reprinted with permission from the Scatterbrained section of the September-October 2010 issue of mental_floss magazine.
Be sure to visit mental_floss‘ entertaining website and blog for more fun stuff!
Does your boss insist that everybody in the office think of himself as a friend first, and a boss second? Do his attempts at humor often end up inappropriate or even downright offensive, yet without malice? You may be working for a "Michael Scott" – the kind of boss played by Steve Carell in the TV series The Office.
In the blog "My Boss Is Michael Scott," an office worker realizes that the company owner and boss is, in fact, so much like Michael Scott that working there is akin to living in the show (but with worse pay, I’m sure) and blogs about the experience:
After generously allowing us the right to work on the 3rd of July, Michael decided to celebrate by buying the whole office KFC. Never mind the two vegetarians in the company, they can make it on their own.
The sales people have no one to call because all the offices they would normally cold call are closed. The rest of the company slacks off excessively to meet with the sale’s peoples productivity levels.
Michael decides to give himself a pat on the back by allowing us an hour long lunch where we can watch a movie in the conference room with him. Naturally, he expects everyone to really love him for allowing us to work today, feeding us and giving us a longer lunch. Instead, I have chosen use the time to write about him on the internet.
Then with all of us sitting around wondering why we are even here, he leaves two hours early from work. Oh Michael, how does your mind work?
Link – Thanks Anon! (Photo: Kumar Appaiah [Flickr])
Hard work never hurt anyone, or so the adage goes, or did it? According to the latest research by Marianna Virtanen from the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, long hours at work can harm your brain:
Long working hours may raise the risk of mental decline and possibly dementia, research suggests.
The Finnish-led study was based on analysis of 2,214 middle-aged British civil servants.
It found that those working more than 55 hours a week had poorer mental skills than those who worked a standard working week.
The American Journal of Epidemiology study found hard workers had problems with short-term memory and word recall.
