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Sure we all have things we resent our parents for, but it takes a lot to truly be a bad parent, especially to be named as one of the top ten terrible parents. While many of the cases are heart-breaking stories of abuse, some are just sickening displays of poor parental values -like the mother who bought her seven year-old a boob job. It makes you wish for a change in child abuse laws.
I don’t know about you guys, but my parents are terrible at computers and still use IE5. That’s why I think Update Your Parent’s Browser Day is a great new holiday we all should take advantage of:
This year, though, do something different. Don’t just explain to Grandpa or Mom or your father-in-law that there is a whole world of secure web browsing out there. No, take a firm stand. Tell them they won’t be able to watch funny fishing videos on YouTube with IE6 anymore. Usually, by this point, most parents are begging for help and you can extract excellent perquisites for your labor.
There you go kiddos, it’s just that easy to improve your parent’s online life.
“All the Single Ladies,” The Atlantic‘s cover story about women who choose to remain unmarried, made the rounds like wildfire. Author Kate Bolick insists that “it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family—and to acknowledge the end of ‘traditional’ marriage as society’s highest ideal.” Bolick’s story understandably sparked some interesting conversations. The only thing they seem to agree on is that, yes, it’s true: marriage rates are dropping precipitously.
In the 1860s nearly all women managed to get hitched. Today, with a better gender ratio, only 22% of adults aged 18-29 are married and only 44.9% of adults in all adult age groups have ever been married. The median ages for first marriages have moved way up as well–from 23 for men and 20 for women in 1960 to 28 and 26, respectively, today. Divorce is hovering at the 50% rate.
‘Major attitudinal shifts’
Bolick notes that for women, marriage is now “an option rather than a necessity,” citing a dwindling pool of educated, committed men, a new majority of women in the workplace, a tanking economy, IVF and adoption, the rise of non-traditional families and marriage arrangements, and a dissipating “spinster” stigma.
Bolick represents the intentionally single thirty- or forty-something. The newest generation eschewing nuptials is the tech-savvy and generally liberal Millennial. With education leveling the playing field, opportunities to earn something beyond the MRS might just be higher on a girl’s list of priorities. Likewise, the responsibility of career, house and family (married or not) is what Sex at Dawn co-author Christopher Ryan calls “swimming upstream.” It’s perhaps inevitable that fewer women take it on.
Today’s women are professionally and financially more established, so they should be all that more appealing to males. They are, generally, but not in a “find The One and keep her” way. Men are also opting to remain single as long as they are happy. “If you have four quality women you’re dating and they’re in a rotation, who’s going to rush into a marriage?” asks Ralph Richard Banks, author of Is Marriage for White People? In response, Rod Dreher at the American Conservative lays it out: “Throw out traditional morality for an ethic of libertinism and you get men being what biology has programmed them to be. In this way, feminism, whatever its benefits for women, has hurt them.”
Changing expectations
Dreher’s insistence that being unmarried is a ‘hurt’ to the purposely single woman is debatable. But it’s clear that the expectations of marriage have changed rapidly over the last half-century. Women are not expected to be June Cleaver, and men are not expected to shoulder the full financial burden alone. And they can even cohabitate now without the nasty rumors that haunted earlier generations.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that healthy relationships are, or the desirability of the pair bond are declining. One could argue that without the legal constraints, the odds of finding a working, healthy relationship increase. Add to this the growing presence of nontraditional family groups (friends and extended family as family) and relatively commonplace single-parent household, and what you get is a less strict idea of what normal relationships are.
In Mexico City, in a move to counter high divorce rates, lawmakers have proposed a two-year marriage license. The trial-by-marriage would give newlyweds “an easy exit strategy” by allowing them to mutually decide whether or not to renew. Whether this is better than having never married at all is a completely different debate, but points out how marriage is not what it once was.
Tradition? Buck tradition.
Marriage as we know it is a relatively new concept. It wasn’t until marriage was used to procure and maintain land-ownership that the couple was limited in breaking that bond without permission. And when your husband or wife is chosen for their respective acreages, affection is an afterthought, if a thought at all.
And yes, a certain non-zero percentage of the population is still denied marriage by (most) state laws. Typically it’s argued that this denial of rights is to protect traditional marriage, but clearly marriage before the last century and since is not what we would call “traditional.”
Bolick’s article makes several major points that aren’t included here. But given that gender parity and economic downturn and the changing boundaries of social acceptance have come together to throw a wrench in our standard American Marriage, Bolick might be onto something.
Do you think that the declining marriage rates in the US are a problem, or is it just a shift in expectations from relationships and adulthood? Or, if you prefer: Is less marriage better, or worse?
Sources:
I was almost 40 when my youngest child was born. Being an older mom isn’t easy, but I personally have nothing to compare it to. New York Magazine has an extensive article on the growing number of women in their 50s and 60s who, with the help of modern technology, are becoming mothers for the first time. Some people think it’s creepy, others are concerned about the children, and obstetricians worry about health problems. But some research finds a bright side.
In 2008, Brad Van Voorhis, head of the fertility clinic at the University of Iowa, decided he wanted to measure how well children conceived through in vitro fertilization do on intelligence tests, hoping to dispel lingering concerns about their cognitive abilities. So he and his team compared the standardized-test scores of 463 IVF kids ages 8 to 17 against the scores of other kids in their classes. They found that the IVF kids scored better overall and in every category of test—reading, math, and language skills. And they found that the older the mother, the better the kid performed.
Van Voorhis guesses that the children of older mothers outperform their peers because the mothers, who’ve waited so long to have them, are more engaged. It’s a recipe for success: “Fewer kids at home, more attention to the kids they do have, and more money to devote to their education.” Other studies corroborate these findings. In research published in the journal Fertility and Sterility in 2007, Richard Paulson, head of the fertility program at the University of Southern California, found that mothers in their fifties reported less parental stress than those in their thirties and forties, the same level of mental functioning, and the same perception of fatigue. The fiftysomething women in his small national sample, incidentally, were also less likely than their counterparts to employ a nanny. They are more checked in.
Link -via The Frisky
(Image credit: Wayne Lawrence/Institute for Artist Management)
It’s uncanny how much your parents change as you grow up. Can I get an “amen”? -via Breakfast Links
Frugality is an important lesson to learn, but there is certainly a point where it becomes ridiculous. Over at Consumerist, there is a great roundup of the 16 most over-the-top tales of frugal fathers. To be fair, some aren’t nearly as bad as others, but when your dad is the type to have “hooked up the tv to an exercise bike so that we kids had to peddle to watch our cartoons. TV lost its charm quickly and we went outside to play,” you know your pop may have crossed the line -of course, that is a great way to get your kids to exercise.
What happens when you switch a parent and a child’s head in a photograph? Pure creepiness and delightful family photos that won’t soon be forgotten, that’s what. Paul Ripke’s Kindsköpfe (“Grown Ups”) series is certainly worth taking a long look at.
Link Via Laughing Squid
Last Father’s Day, we brought you a list of the world’s greatest animal dads, but now it’s time to thank the ladies for all their hard work. These matronly critters show just how much a mother’s love can mean to the success of her little one.
After a 22 month long pregnancy followed by delivery of the world’s largest babies (around 250 pounds), elephants deserve to be on this list even if they immediately abandoned their babes. But they don’t just say “thanks for all the stretch marks,” and get on their merry way, elephant mothers continue raising their babies. Baby elephants are born blind and completely dependant on their mother and the rest of the herd. While the baby is growing, they are fortunate enough to have a great support system consisting of multiple full-time babysitters, called “allmothers.” While the allmothers take care of the precious little one, the mother will work to eat as much as she can so she can make the most possible milk for her bundle of joy.
Image by Googie man [Wikipedia]
We don’t tend to think of cold-blooded animals as the most caring parents, but alligators certainly break that mold. The female alligator creates nests of rotting organic matter that not only self-incubates, but also determine the sex of the babies. Nests that are constructed with leaves are warmer than those made with wet marsh, and thus, produce more males than cooler nests.
Once mama gator has planned the sex of her litter, she will guard her nest from threats, including other alligators, who love to munch on baby gator nests. When the eggs hatch, she will load them into her mouth and then carry them into the water where she will continue to care for them for the following year, assuming they decide to stay near home.
Image via Catholic 85 [Wikipedia]
Female orangutans have to wait eight years between births (the longest interbirth time of any great ape), so they make sure their time with each baby counts. Infant orangutans are completely dependent on their mother for their first two years of life. In fact, during the first four months of a baby’s life, it will never break physical contact with its mother, clinging to her belly the whole time. Each night, the mother will make a nest and she and her baby will cuddle in bed during the duration of its infancy.
Even as they mature, they continue to stick close to mother and even breastfeed until they are five years old –making them the species with the longest dependence period. The girls stay with their mothers longer than the boys, sticking around to learn necessary baby rearing skills.
Image via JohnBurke [Flickr]
Lenore Skenazy, a mom and the author of Free-Range Kids has declared May 22nd – the weekend before Memorial Day – as the very first “Take Our Children to the Park… And Leave Them There Day.”
It is all part of Skenazy’s crusade to bring back common sense parenting to what are some very overprotective times. Her basic philosophy is that kids need to get out in the world, and that even though there might be some risk involved, the risk is small and well worth taking.
Most of us used to play outside in the park, without our parents, without cell phones, without Purell or bottled water and we survived! Thrived! We cherish the memories! And if you believe the million studies that I’m always publishing here, kids are healthier, happier and better-adjusted if they get to spend some time each day in “free play,” without adults hovering.
From the Upcoming 
ueue, submitted by 
Previously at Neatorama: Would you let your 9-year-old ride the subway alone?
A mother squirrel was caught on camera protecting her baby from the jaws of a large black dog. The first image shows the dog about to start pouncing and playing with the baby as the mother looks on, but then the rest of the series depicts the mother diving down and attacking the dog so the youngster has a chance to escape. It looks like all three parties involved came out mostly unscathed, but the dog might have some scratches where the squirrel bit him on the neck and face.
Link Image Via Daily Mail
My parents are awesome has to be one of the best tumblr accounts to date – the simply concept is it posts retro pictures of parents, who are looking awesome. Your parents were awesome, too, so why don’t you send in an awesome picture?
Before the fanny packs and Andrea Bocelli concerts, your parents (and grandparents) were once free-wheeling, fashion-forward, and super awesome.
Link – via cakeheadlovesevil
From the Upcoming ueue, submitted by cakehead loves evil.
If pet rental isn’t enough to fill the void in your soul, how about renting a mommy or daddy? If you’re a single mom, and you think your child needs a father figure, just rent them love by the hour. Or, at least you can if you live in Japan.
“The website says the “dad” will help the children with their homework. He will sort out problems with the neighbors. He will take the kids to a barbecue or to a park. He could also appear at the daunting interview with a nursery school head teacher which parents are required to endure in order to persuade the principal to give their child a good start in life.”
While one hopes they check all the actors to make sure they aren’t sex offenders, I think there’s a much bigger concern here. Have our lives really gotten so empty that we must rent relationships rather than forging our own? And how long until this service comes to the states? I’ve really wanted to have a family reunion, but don’t feel like actually contacting all of my distant relatives.
Link Via TokyoMango
It’s 10 PM. Do you know where your children are? Well, with this GPS tracking watch, you definitely do. Here’s the Nu.M8 digital watch that lets parents track their children’s whereabouts through a secure website (it’ll even overlay the location on Google Maps).
And to answer the obvious question: an alarm will be triggered if the watch is forcibly removed.
Is it too much or just being a prudent parent in today’s environment?
The growing popularity of Facebook has an unintended consequences for young people who used to have the social networking website all to themselves: their parents are joining and befriending them!
The Facebook group entitled "For the love of god — don’t let parents join Facebook" has 5,819 high school and college-aged members who want to stop the growing number of parents who are joining Facebook, the massively popular social networking site, from "spying" on them. [...]
"It’s really weird that nonstudents and parents use Facebook," said Emma Gaines, a Tufts University sophomore. "It makes me feel really uncomfortable that my older aunt has Facebook, because she says that she likes to check up on her teenage nieces and nephews and takes our pictures for her own use. That’s creepy."
Remember the gay penguins that got ejected from their colony because they were trying to steal eggs from other penguins? Well, the zookeepers gave the couple two eggs laid by an inexperienced penguin mom … and it turns out they became the best parents in the zoo!
‘We decided to give them two eggs from another couple whose hatching ability had been poor and they’ve turned out to be the best parents in the whole zoo,’ said one of the keepers.
‘It’s very encouraging and if this works out well we will try to arrange for them to become real parents themselves with artificial insemination.’
Wildlife experts at the park explain that despite being gay the three-year-old male birds are still driven by an urge to be fathers.
‘One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite the fact that they can’t have eggs naturally, it does not take away their biological drive to be a parent,’ said one.
